Page 111 of The Americana Playbook

“Well,” I begin, “Our first kiss, it wouldn’t have been rushed in the back seat of a car with two strangers in the front seat.”

A breathy laugh escapes her mouth.

“Our first date would’ve been romantic. Definitely not bowling.” I bite my lip before I continue, “I wouldn’t have made you move in before youwantedto. Even though I like that you’re there. I like that you made it your home and you…” I look away.

Parker redirects my gaze onto her, and when I meet her eyes, I’m kicking myself. How can I waste one second not appreciating the view that is her gorgeous face so close to mine?

“What is it?”

My tongue darts out of my mouth to quickly swipe my lips, as if I’m prepping the space for the hard things to come. “In the real version of events, I would’ve wanted you to feel safe with me.”

Now it’s Parker’s turn to look away, and even though I don’t want to, I let her. I can’tforceher to talk with me. I won’t. No matter how much I wish I could. When her hand slips from my cheek, I make no effort to put it back. Parker’s throat swells with a swallow, and maybe it’s not that she wants to keep things from me. Maybe her throat is stacked so high with pain, the words have a hard time getting over it.

“Where would they have been?” she asks, bringing her face back toward me. “The kiss and the date?”

I want to tell her that the answer to both of them is the same—somewhere meaningful.

“If you give me a re-do, I’ll show you.” I offer her a small smile, but it goes unmatched.

Parker sits up, leaning forward. Her strap slips down again, leaving her scar more exposed, just inches from my face. “Where they sent me? That”—she pauses, and I hear the frustrated breath fight its way out—“school? I’d rather be dead than ever go back to a place like that. Or even close to it.”

Goosebumps invade my skin with full force. She means it. I know she means it.

I push up on my elbow as my stomach twists. “Is that what’s out in the Berkshires?” When Parker nods, I gently press my hand against her spine, just to the right of the scar. I can feel her heart racing. “Is that where you got this?”

“No. That happened when they took me.”

My hand falls and it takes all my strength to overcome the tautness of my muscles and use them to sit up and scoot closer. “What do you meantook you?”

I almost don’t recognize the venom in my voice.

Parker stares straight ahead. “That night after we climbed the fence at school. It was late. Maybe three in the morning. I didn’t hear them. Not in the hallway, because there was a rug. That’s why I didn’t take the upstairs room in the apartment. There’s carpeting on the stairs and outside it. It makes it too hard to hear someone coming. I guess I kind of lied about the break-in.”

As much as Parker kind of lied, she kind of told the truth.

“And I didn’t hear them when they came in, because the door was so old it never closed right.”

My eyes flick to her extra lock. I feel sick.

“I thought it was a nightmare, you know? But I could feel things.” Parker drops her head. “Like their hands on my wrists. The pillow against my mouth…”

The sickness in my stomach flees. Rage takes its place.

“I stopped fighting, you know? Because I thought… I thought someone broke in and maybe they were going to rape me, and if I didn’t fight so hard”—her voice cracks—“maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

My body lurches, fueled by a need to touch Parker, to hold her. But I don’t. I grit my fucking teeth and remember I asked for this. But god, I almost wish I hadn’t.

Parker continues, “When I felt them lifting me off the bed, I started to fight. I hit one of them with a trophy. I tried to bite and scream, but one guy had his hand so tight on my mouth…Nothing worked. I knew we were going downstairs, and then I started to really panic. Like if they got me out of the house, they’d kill me.”

Parker goes silent for a moment, her shoulders rising and falling with heavy breaths. I almost intervene, and let her know she can stop.

“I guess,” she speaks even more quietly now. “They did.”

Leaning forward, I press my lips to her shoulder. “I promise, you,” I whisper against her skin. “They didn’t.”

Parker shivers, so I move back.

“They must’ve taken me out the side door. Do you remember the one that opens to the pebbled path?”

---