Page 131 of The Americana Playbook

But I should know. You can’t tell Parker what to do.

“Letting you touch me. Letting you hold me. Telling you what happened to me, it was a?—”

I step forward, silencing Parker with a finger against her lips. “Don’t you fucking say it.”

Her lips brush against my finger when she shakes her head. “I was wrong to cross that line with you before I knew everything, Fitz. You’re in too deep. And I?—”

“You could love me back.” The words take a lot to get out, like they’ve lodged themselves from the depths my aching heart. My hand falls to my side. “And save me from drowning.”

She steps back, squeezing her eyes shut.

Noise echoes down the hall, taking Parker’s attention. “We should go before people realize we’ve been gone for too long.”

My head drops, along with my heart. That’s how it is. It’s always about how it looks.

“Fitz,” she begins. “I’m sorry, I just?—”

“You only care about how it looks.”

She lets out a frustrated breath. “You just conveniently forget that we both entered this arrangement because weneededsomething.”

I raise and drop my arms in defeat. “I didn’tneeda girlfriend, okay? Does it help? Sure. But that was Nick. He wanted me to do everything I could to separate myself from Foller publicly. But whatIneeded was a shot with you, Parker. I know you’ve lived your life thinking people only care about you when they want something, but that’s not me. I’veneverbeen that way.”

Parker’s eyes widen.

“That’s how real it is for me,” I say, continuing. “Your smile. Your happiness. You feelingsafe. Those things are what matter becauseyoumatter.”

The way Parker steps away from me when I reach out to her, is like a knife to my chest.

“I wanted to show you how easy it is to love you without wanting or needing anything in return. And if you never love me back butbelievethat, I’ll be happy.” Slowly, I step forward because I can’tnotbe near her. “My greatest win won’t ever be on the field. It’ll be knowing I made you understand you could be loved exactly as you are with no strings attached.”

A soft cry escapes Parker’s mouth. I dip my head to hers when she reaches out, steadying her shaking hands on my waist.

“It’s easy to make it all about you, Parker. Because for me, it’s always—and only—been you.”

It’s always been you.

Fitz feeds the words into my mouth. He buries them into the skin of my neck. His hips rolling against me try to nudge them deep. All at once tries to get me to believe them, and he does so by trying to steal my senses, sending them into overdrive. I can’t seem to feel, to taste, to think of anything but him at this moment.

“I love you,” he pants. “I’ve always loved you.”

And still, I fight it. Because never in my life has love come unconditionally. It’s only come with a noose.

“None of this is real.” I barely push out the words, but don’t push him away.

“That little whimper you let out sounded pretty real.”

He took my hearing as well. I didn’t even know I made a sound.

Fitz drags his mouth from mine, skimming over my chin until he dips into my neck. “That one too.”

The next noise I let out when I feel his hardness against me I definitely have no issue hearing. I’m not sure anyone else in the schoolhouse or the greater Boston area would have any issue either.

“We have… to stop.” I arch my back into him as I mewl.

“So stop,” he challenges.

But I don’t. “Someone could hear us.”

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