Page 139 of The Americana Playbook

“I can’t believeyou did this,” I whisper, tracing my handwriting right above his hip. I feel Fitz’s stare and look away from the ink.

He shivers beneath my touch. “Is it weird to know you branded me in some way?”

“No! No, it’s not weird. It’s…” I pause, trying to think of the right words. But from where I’m supposed to find them, I’m not sure. These two beneath my hand, ones which make sense to only us, they’re enough for me because their place on Fitz’s body during the time we’ve been apart means I’m enough for him.

“You didn’t make me think I matter,” I tell him. “You made me believe it.”

It must be the weight of the sadness in my voice that forces Fitz’s face into a frown. He tugs gently on my arm and I inch up toward the pillow he lays his head on. He scoots over so we share it.

“You don’t just matter, Parker. You matter a lot. You always have.” Fitz sighs. “I wanted you to see that tonight. And I’m sorry?—”

I rest my hand lightly over his lips. “Don’t. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I didn’t make it easy for you.”

Fitz huffs against my skin.

“I’m the one who’s sorry,” I tell him. “Nick mentioned the tattoo and I felt like maybe, I don’t know…”

“You don’t know what?” Fitz asks, smoothing my hair back when I nestle deeper against the pillow. “You can tell me anything.”

A sharp pain seizes my chest. The truth is, I don’t know where to start. Hypocrisy lines the inside of my mouth. Fitz didn’t tell me everything. How can I be mad? He only gave me a taste of my own medicine. It tastes awful.

I reach down and trace the letters again. This time, Fitz doesn’t hiss, doesn’t make a sound. He just waits for me.

But I give him nothing. Because I can’t get the words out. If how he feels about me is based on theoldParker, would his feelings stand strong with the new me?

“I wish I had told you that night under the bleachers. I was planning on it,” he says. “But I was chicken. That’s the truth. If I had known I was going to lose you the way I did, I would’ve tried anyway.”

I squeeze my eyes shut. Fitz has no idea the extent he lost me. That’s what’s so heartbreaking.

“You’ll never know how I wish I could’ve been braver. I can’t change what happened, even though I’d giveanythingto do that. It’s my greatest wish to go back and do what was right.” His warm breath tickles my lips when he sighs. “I’d like to give a go at the future with you. You know this already. But I need you to believe it. And maybe I don’t knowwhatyou went through, Parker. But I know it was a lot. And if you need forever to talk to me about it, I’ll give it to you.”

Bringing my hand up, I find his cheek before I open my eyes. “I don’t need forever,” I say quietly. “But I do need a little time.”

It’s the truth. I need time for the Griffen family’s lawyer to look through what I sent him. I need to talk to Cam and see how he can help and what that might mean for me when it comes to my plans for the convention.

But I need to give Fitz something now. “And I want to try too. I mean it.”

“Good.” He presses his lips to mine. “But I have conditions.”

An astronaut could see the playfulness on Fitz’s face from the moon.

“Name them.”

Fitz rubs his hand up and down my waist. “You’re going to homecoming with me.”

My eyes widen. “Homecoming?”

He hums. “Yes, homecoming. I go back every year for it.”

“The dance?”

“The game.” He laughs. “I think if I started showing up to high school dances as an adult, someone would call the cops on me. But damn, if I had the chance to take you, I would. I’d love a re-do.”

“A re-do? What do you mean?”

“I guess it’s not a re-do since we never had a first time, but I tried.” He smiles at the clear confusion on my face. “I always wanted to dance with you. And maybe junior year I got a week’s worth of detention because Mr. Gibson caught me stuffing the ballot box.”

I gasp. “Is that the reason I won?” Honey had died only two months earlier. It was the beginning of my spiral. I showed up blasted to the dance. “Did you steal the election for me?”

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