Page 47 of Forced Vampire Mate

I lifted my hand and hesitated. “Can I touch you at least?”

His eyebrows pinched together, but he nodded.

Carefully, I lowered my hand to his chest. He felt cool again, the normal cold temperature. Was it because of how long it had been since he last drank? I watched the fabric pull against the friction as I traced my fingers over his chest, enjoying the feeling of his sculpted muscles.

“I’m afraid of how much I want you,” I murmured. Honesty, right? “It’s not the sex and the pleasure. At least, not just the pleasure,” I corrected, my thumb tracing the outline of his nipple beneath his shirt. “When you’re holding me, when you’re inside of me, I feel… I feel…” I hesitated, the truth so vulnerable. It might break me if I told him and he didn’t believe me. “I feel connected. I’ve been lost for so long, Luken. Saving Darcie was my only purpose, but I never saw a future. It was always just saving Darcie and then ghosting my way through life until I die. But with you, I seepossibilities. And I’m so scared of embracing those possibilities, because if I lose them, I won’t ever recover.”

Luken let out a shaky breath.

“I’m so scared, Luken,” I whispered as tears slid down my cheeks. “I’m scared I’m too broken. That I will only ever push you away and that I’m not strong enough to…”

“You asked me what I saw in the light. I saw… I saw myself killing your sister. I saw myself throwing you into a fire and murdering your family one after another. In between, I saw me over you, fucking you. And fire. So much fire.”

No wonder he reacted like that! From his view, it must look like I was putting them both at the same level. Our times fucking were just as traumatic as if he had killed my family. I went cold at the realization. Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks. When was the last time I cried this much?

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

Luken started to shift away from me.

“Don’t pull away,” I begged. “It’s a nightmare. It’s not real, Luken. I don’t blame you for their deaths. I don’t… I don’t want you to think I was wrong for us to be together. I felt like there was something wrong with me, that I craved your touch so much, even when I thought you murdered my family. It’s not because I don’t want you to fuck me… to make love to me.”

His eyes moved back to my face, but I still saw the doubt in them.

“Sex is the one thing I can count on. The one connection I know will let me feel whole, even if it’s only for a little while.” I slumped forward, resting my cheek against his shoulder. “If we can’t save Darcie and Thessa, it’s the one thing that will bring me back to you. I know this has to be confusing for you. It’s confusing for me, and I’m the one in my own head.”

Luken pulled me into his arms. The relief of him touching me was enough for me to choke on a sob. I pressed myself to him, not caring about sex right now, just needing to feel him.

“If we opened the bond—” he started.

“I’m not strong enough.”

Luken pressed his face into my hair. “I think you’d be able to use magic if we did. It would make understanding each other so much easier.”

I shook my head. “It must seem ridiculous to you, but I can’t. It’s… it’s too much. I can’t hold it.”

“You can. You are strong enough.”

“I’m not,” I insisted.

Luken sighed as he tucked his finger under my chin and lifted my face to his. “But I’m meant to believe sex is something you want?”

“More than my next breath,” I told him fervently.

“Fuck,” Luken breathed, catching me closer. “Why can’t I resist you?”

“Don’t resist,” I begged him. “Hold me, fuck me, make love to me. Want me, Luken. Please, want me.”

Our mouths crashed together. Luken’s hands were rough as he explored my body, as though a desperate man searching for the one thing to keep him sane. The pain left over from the light made my muscles ache, but in a way that only highlighted the delicious feeling of his touch.

“Take off your clothes,” he ordered. Then he laughed as he bent into my neck. “You can be on top this time.”

I straddled him, ignoring the order about clothes. I wanted to be close. As I ground myself against him, I remembered how drained he’d been after the last challenge. With him kissing my neck and working his hands under my shirt, it was hard to remember. But… but I wanted it to be good for him, too.

“Wait,” I whispered.

He stilled.

“Do you want this? Are you ready for it?” I pulled away and cupped his face in my hands.

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