Page 182 of The Reluctant Hero

“I do. I just don’t care much. Where was right when I needed it? Why does wrong feel so good? Have you started asking yourself that yet?”

He just broke down everything I’ve been feeling in three questions. There’s no hope for any part of the justice system in this town to help me. It felt amazing to take my fate in my hands and get revenge for the things that have happened to me. Toallof us. But it’s an escalation that I don’t see ending until I’m dead or they are.

“You don’t feel angry?” My voice is as hesitant as my curiosity. He’s saying he’s like me, but his eyes don’t reflect that kind of insane rage.

“Right now, I do. Mainly because I haven’t found everyone that’s hurt you yet. It will happen, though. I need to remember my patience. If you’re talking aboutyourversion of anger, no, I don’t. I focus before I smash.”

I give him a half-hearted glare. I can’t argue with that. A sly smile crosses his lips.

“You’re a button masher,” he says, holding up the controller and shaking it. “I prefer strategy. Together, we’ll be unstoppable.”

“A bullet would change that,” I try to make the words a warning, my voice falling into that flat tone I’ve recently adopted.

As soon as I saw he was missing on Monday, it started a hopeless spiral of what-ifs and regrets. I don’t want to revisit that or anything else these men dredge up from my emotions.

His smile immediately drops and he pats the bed next to him for me to sit.

I want to. He’s the same man but so different. He wants a team-up, and he isn’t afraid to cut anyone else out of it. His own mystery team if that’s what it takes. He didn’t believe I stole anything and it shows with this room alone. Hell, the movies I saw on the shelves are all my favorites. They’re in my cart to be ordered when I settle down. As if he’s seen that too.

I can’t. There won’t be any settling down and finding myself now. It’s too late for that. I’m basically already dead. If I wasn’t before, my visit with Blake has guaranteed it.

I ignore the invitation to gather a few things to wear. I go into the bathroom to change and Jake doesn’t protest. I make sure to stash some money in my socks after I put them on. I need to get the subtle kit cards that South gave me this morning and keep them on me at all times. When I come out, he’s moved farther on the bed to make room for me, and a pink controller is next to him. He’s focused on what he’s doing in the game and not paying any attention to me. Or so I think.

I’m moving to retrieve my dirty clothes and the tools hidden inside them when he speaks again.

“I was very young when my mother was killed. Eight. Perhaps nine. My birthdays no longer became important milestones.”

I blink at his casual tone. Who starts a conversation like that? But it forces my attention to him with a frown. I’m not looking at him, but he has my full attention.

“We moved from Munich to America when I was six. Chasing the dream of money through my father’s job. He always said our family line had a gift for technology, and it’s proven true daily. We had been in California for three years. Theo and Elke were born in America. Twins. A boy and a girl. They were with my mother that day in the convenience store.”

I find myself weakly sitting on the bed as I listen. He’s still playing the game, his tone casual, as if he’s telling me a random story. I don’t think I could ever be that calm discussing the death of my mom. I’m an only child, but I’m sure if I had siblings, my rage would be even worse. Just the thought of it has me cold again.

“Thieves came in, their haul was light, they opened fire, and no one survived. My father and I were devastated at the loss. So many rooms in the house gone empty and silent overnight. Our hearts were those empty rooms, waiting for someone to move in. They were never caught. Despite the video, despite a witness describing the vehicle they left in. The clear plate numbers. Nothing swayed thelaw.”

The subdued violence of the word makes me look away from the TV and watch his face. He doesn’t have much expression as he concentrates on the game.

“My father and I decided to take up the task ourselves. He was in the military for his fair share of time when he was younger. KSK. Medical discharge on good standing. He trained me well. I took to it as easy as breathing. We thought we would find two men. Instead, we found a drug syndicate. Fifty-six men in total. Every single one was more depraved than the last. Paying police and judges to do their dirty deeds without consequence. We brought the consequence to them. We failed and won at the same time. When the last casing hit the ground, my father did as well. Another empty room of silence in my heart. Before I could disappear, Matthias came to me. The sheer methodical violence of it drew his attention. He expected an adult for once. He found me.”

He glances at me and down to the pink controller. “Play with me. The computer has gotten boring, and I need something more to distract me.”

His eyes meet mine and the illusion of his calm washes away for me to see his anger and confusion. The pain he’s hiding under an expert mask of disinterest and smiles. I feel a kinship with him in that moment that I can’t ignore.

I take up the controller and pick a fighter for him to fight against. I don’t know how to play it but I’ll try to make a good showing. I lose two times in a row before he starts talking again.

“I was destitute with nothing left to live for. My mission was done. My father dead. I decided it was better than using the gun on myself and went to be trained like all the rest. As if I needed it by then.”

Does he mean everyone elsehere? I figure he’s talking about Matthias Senior picking him up and not Gabriel. He would have been only a few years older than Jake, if I’m guessing right. With his own tragedy to face.

Jake lost his entire family through violence at a very young age. Gabriel had his mother murdered right in front of him when he was young. All of the culprits are dead.

I’m sensing a theme here that isn’t what I was anticipatingat all.

“After many tumultuous and memorable years, I was assigned to Cade. We were in our late teens by then. Close in age. He lost his father to a money-hungry black widow. A woman who seduced his father after his mother’s death. Cadey was very much distracted by his own life at that point. Tragedy and teenage angst mixed with disgust over the brazen whore that took his mother’s place. He didn’t recognize the signs of poisoning. The years it took for his father to succumb, filled with unrelenting agony, twisted him regardless. Cade simply assumed it was a new disease, come to claim his only loved one. Nothing helped. No one in his highbrow social circles could understand it. Not a single suspicion. He was the fifth husband she killed. And the last. Cade put a stop to her before she gotto number six. She chose poorly when she decided to try her seduction on Cade. He was the sole heir to a fortune, you see. She couldn’t let the money go.”

My shoulders hunch and my character gets knocked off the mountainside we’re fighting on.

“Unfortunately for her he made sure to find out what happened to his father. He expected to find some mysterious genetic disease he would have to face later in life. Instead, he found the truth. He used his money to wipe out the evidence and took matters into his own hands. It was easy, considering she still lived in the home with him despite his protests. He came straight home after receiving the results. Football practice didn’t seem to be so important that day. He pretended to accept her seduction due to his grief. A supposed moment of weakness. You’ve seen how well our Cadey can act. Before she could seal the deal, the drugs he gave her kicked in, and she was asleep. She spent quite some time in that basement. Cade gave her higher doses of the poison that killed his father. But he maintained it well so he could prolong her suffering as long as possible.”

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