Page 56 of The Confidant

I take a deep breath and blow it out in a slow, measured exhale.

“I hate him so much. What he did tore everything apart for all of us. Some more than others. Why couldn’t he just be a normal dad? What fucked him up that much?”

“I don’t know.” His focus seems far away and close at the same time.

“Me either. I went through a stupid pity spiral. Why would he do that to someone and spare me? Spare anyone, really. How could he focus that much hate on one person? I punished myself for it. For being the favorite one. The one that could do no wrong in his eyes. The one that looked just like him. I wanted to know whyso bad. And I didn’t want… the person he chose to be alone in it. I felt like I needed to suffer as some kind of apology or something. But I couldn’t tell anyone. It was selfish and wrong. I just couldn’t stop.”

I think for a minute, looking for the words to go on while he sits silently beside me. His fingers have tightened over mine, and my hand has loosened as if I can’t get the guts to hold him back.

“I got older, and I couldn’t take how much I hated myself. I stopped seeinghimas evil and put that on myself. How selfish I was being. The pity I felt and didn’t deserve. I got help. You know, when I moved away from Maman’s watching eyes. I stopped. It helped, the therapy. I dug myself out, but sometimes I slip, and I get that urge again. It’s hard to fight it, but I stopped giving in to it.”

“While still punishing yourself.”

I look at him in surprise. He just ripped through me with one sentence.

His eyes meet mine. There’s no pity there. All I find is a solemn strength that’s bearing the weight of my confession in his own way. He’s upset, but not at me. His anger isn’t for me at all.

“You haven’t covered it up,” he says with a tight smile.

I blink and look at my covered thigh. I tattooed over the burn without hesitation. Long before I covered Asher’s body in flowers. It made things easier for me, and I hoped that the weird therapy of changing what I saw would help him.

So, why didn’t I cover the cuts, too?

I never thought about it before.

I feel like an idiot.

He’s right. I’m still punishing myself.

“I can’t reach some of them anymore,” I frown, really thinking about it. “I would have to let someone else see.”

“It’s a big hurdle,” he nods with pursed lips.

“You’re brave. I admire you a lot.”

He looks at me like I’m crazy. Why I’m getting the look now baffles me.

“What? You motivated people to make a change. That’s a big hurdle, too. I’m nowhere near your level.”

“We might be climbing what you see as different ladders, but we’re still both going up. Who gives a shit what color the steps are?”

I stare at him, speechless. I throw myself into his arms, sobbing at his easy acceptance. He holds me so tightly, like he’s afraid I’m going to disappear and wants to stop it with everything in him.

He really is my perfect half. My One. We might be broken, but together, we make a formidable whole.

Chapter Eleven

Adelaide

I look around my bedroom with narrowed eyes. Something is missing, and I want to know which one Poe stole.

He’s been doing this for a week. Asking me when I’ll move in with him and stealing a raccoon every time I say not yet. He’s convinced that if he has enough hostages, I’ll have to stage a rescue attempt.

My eyes fall on the empty space on the dresser and widen.

“Two this time? That yappy dog is getting bold.” The fierce words are followed by a helpless laugh of happiness.

He spends every night here anyway. I don’t see the need to rush.

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