Page 77 of The Confidant

I flinch, my eyes dropping to the ground.

“Why did you shut me out of this?” He asks in a rough voice.

“Because I’m in love with you, and I’m scared you’re going to run because I’m not worth it. To anyone. She said I’m just like my dad. How did I not see it?” Tears track down my cheeks as his eyes go wide in surprise. My heart goes into a stasis mode that leaves me feeling a little empty. The longer he stares without speaking, the more it begins to fill with pain.

He sees it, too. The ugliness that’s inside me, waiting to pop out. Has he always seen it? I bet all his perfect words have been a lie from the start.

He rushes to me, wrapping his arms so tightly around my waist that it’s suffocating. And so right. I’ve missed him so much. I was torturing myself more than I was torturing him with my silence.

“I love you, Addie. I have from the very beginning,” he kisses my hair wildly. “You are everything that is right in my world. Every piece of happiness I have, you handed to me with a smile, siren.I love you.”

How did I doubt this? Him? What is wrong with me?

I know the answer to that. I’m afraid that this will be the end of us, and I’m trying to get away from it.

“If I lose you, it will break everything left in me,” I trail off, unable to come up with something that would impress on him how that would affect me. It’s an all-or-nothing deal. There’s no getting out of it.

“I know you’re it for me.” His confidence is unshakeable. “I’m scared, too. But one thing I have never seen in you is evil. You would never... I can’t even say it because the thought of someone accusing you like that makes me-”

His voice breaks with rage as his arms tighten around me.

I nod helplessly as the tears get thicker, strangling my voice.

“What happens now? If I stay with you. What if this keeps happening? My family. The hate. Everyone’s pain will be out there. I can’t stand that. I’ve been so proud of myself for keeping everyone’s secrets hidden away, and now I’ve outed them all. It’s all my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. I’ll take care of it, siren. I promise. I’ve already been in touch with my lawyers and everyone from the site. They’re all pissed off on your behalf. They aren’t upset with you. They’re worried because they can’t reach you. Not a single person blames you for this. You’re one of us, whether you like it or not. We all protect our own.”

I break down at that. It seems too good to be true. All I did was tattoo these people, and they welcomed me more than my own family. I doubt any of the Broussards care how I’m doing right now. I’m too disgusting for their high standards.

Poe’s voice is gritty as he clutches me close, desperately pressing kisses over my wet cheeks. “I have faith in us. No one will ever change my mind about you. Even you don’t have that power. It doesn’t stop the fears, though, does it? We’re going to have these demons for the rest of our lives. Voices giving us opinions we don’t need. I want to fight them with you,foryou.”

He takes a shuddering breath and nuzzles against my ear to continue.

“We have pros and cons, siren. Every one of us. A million cons. I’m begging whoever will listen that you’ll find a million andonepros to stay with me. Just one to tip that scale in my favor.”

My sobs are loud and ugly. He holds me the entire time I fall apart without another word. He’s said all the right ones. He doesn’t need to say any more.

Chapter Fourteen

Adelaide

The next few months blur with activity.

The very first thing I did was finish moving in with Poe. Then, I restarted my therapy. It was past time to get it done. With a little guidance, a lot of things became clearer.

My need for my family to acknowledge me in any positive way has taken over my life. The therapist suggested taking a break from them. It wasn’t difficult. No one has called me, and I don’t think they’re going to. It somehow made the blow easier to bear, thinking that it wasmychoice not to get in touch with them either. She was pleased that I had made that decision previously, and I’m sticking with it. But it hasn’t been easy. My heart is still throbbing like I have an open wound there.

I called Damon and had lunch with him and Grace. Neither of them asked me many questions, something I was terrified they would do. Watching Damon guilt-trip himself over an emotional trauma that happened long before I met him was painful. I think it’s going to take a while for him to understand that he isn’t to blame for all the wrongs done in my life.

To help out and prove to myself that the scars would no longer affect my life, I asked if he would tattoo me a garter belt. He cried as he agreed. The look of pride on Grace’s face made me feel ashamed of myself.

Getting that tattoo was one of the most painful experiences of my life. Not physically. Mentally. The way Damon teared up while he did it. My complete, stoic silence through the process. I couldn’t even look at it when he was done.

But that’s ok. I’ll do it when I’m ready.

I focus on moving on. The worst has happened. My shame is out there for anyone to see and judge. My family thinks I’m like my father. My fears came true in the most horrible way. I have to pick up the pieces left and keep going. The thought ofWilliam, of all people, crushing me into the dirt makes me mad enough to make that decision stick.

I shouldn’t have stopped Poe from beating him within an inch of his life. I could have been his alibi and helped him clean it all up.

---