Page 19 of The Knight

I won't let my brother's murderers get away with what they've done.

Flipping it open and pressing the power button, I watch the cursor spin as it turns on. Before he left my hospital room, Lukas told me to try to come up with different ways to break the encryption Silas put on the hard drive partition. He said that I'd be able to figure out what methods or passwords he used best—I'm his twin, after all, or was before we put him in the ground, six feet deep and lifeless.

I wonder if I knew my brother well enough to know what kind of words he would use to hide something so important he was killed for it. Whatever IthoughtI knew about him, I was clearly wrong, because I didn't know him at all.

The laptop is a heavy weight as I head towards my last set of classes before finals begin, after which I'll get five days at home for Christmas break before Mom goes back to work and I have to come back here and do it all over again. Thinking about another semester at Coleridge, this time even more alone than before, makes me want to pack my bags and call Wally to beg him to turn the truck around and come get me.

As I'm considering what doing just that would feel like, even as I know I won't because of all the things I still need to see through to the end here, a familiar voice greets my ears. Dread curls in my stomach as I turn the corner towards my first class, Calculus, and come face-to-face with Sasha and Tricia. They pause in the middle of chatting in low voices, looking startled as they see my face.

Tricia says, "We thought you were still in the hospital." Then a moment later, "We uh, we would've come to visit. Were planning on it. But y'know, finals..."

"What she means to say is, we didn't know how to react to the news about you." Sasha is blunt where her girlfriend isn't; Tricia winces and squeezes her hands together at her words. "I mean, you lied about your name. Apparently you stole money or something—I still don't get how that worked, but I guess that's why you're not one of the Rosalinds anymore. And then you were kidnapped. Now you're just... back?"

I stare at them. "Nice to see you too, I guess."

"We just don't know how to react," Tricia explains, grimacing. "I mean, you could've told us. No one cares about your brother. I just don't understand why you would come here if..."

"Do you hate us?" Sasha blurts out. "I mean, Georgia said something about how you only came here in the first place to like, get you revenge on the rich kids who ruined your brother's life or whatever." I wince; the parts of Georgia's speech that I tuned out were apparently more revealing than I realized. "We're those rich kids, so I guess we just thought maybe you hated us too. Like you hate Holly."

I can feel my face go cold as all the blood drains from my cheeks at once. "I don't hate Holly! Who told you that?"

Shrugging, Tricia says, "We just figured you wouldn't have done what you did to her unless you really, really hated her."

"Yeah," Sasha says, "I mean, I like a good plot as much as the next girl, but using her for her money seems a little much. Why would you do that if you don't hate her?"

Her question digs deep to a place inside me I don't want to look at too closely. A rotten core that grows and festers the more I feed my misery and hate.

Ashamed, I tell the two of them, "I didn't do it because I hate Holly. I did it because I hate myself. There's... something wrong with me, ever since..."

"Ever since your brother died?" Sasha guesses, and I wordlessly nod. "Huh. Well, as long as you don't plan on stabbing me to death in my sleep, I guess I don't really care about the rest."

"Maybe next time, don't steal from someone as nice as Holly," Tricia adds, making me wish that I could sink into the floor right here, right now, and never come back up again. "I mean, if you're going to steal, Sasha is the one to target. She probably has half your bobby pins and a book you thought you were going to read stored in her dorm room."

"I do not!" Sasha objected, huffing indignantly. "I took one of Brenna's old scarves and a few ponytail holders, but that'sit. Honestly you make me sound like a serial killer."

"You take things. As a... hobby?"

Raising an eyebrow at me, Sasha comments, "There are worse things to do. Also, it's not like I took anything youneededor noticed missing. I just like collecting old unused stuff. Especially from my friends."

Tricia shakes her head in dismay, but there's a little smile of affection curling up the corners of her mouth. "Like I said, so weird. But I guess if I can put up with her little eccentricities, I can put up with yours, too Brenna—as long as there aren't any other secrets you're hiding."

Just a little deal with four terrible boys, the kisses I shared with each, and my brother's laptop in my backpack, holding secrets untold. But that's not what Tricia is talking about, so I shake my head.

And, because I need to, I tell them both, "I'm sorry. I know I've been kinda fucked up. I shouldn't have lied to you about my name. I just couldn't deal with the truth. It was too hard to live with being his sister and all the consequences that came with it, when I didn't even get to live withhimanymore."

"Yeah." Reaching out, Tricia squeezes my shoulder, which is basically a huge hug with a kiss, coming from her. "Sounds rough. I'm glad you're back."

"Me too." Sasha throws her arms around me hugs me tight—so tight that I can feel the sheath of a knife against her outer thigh, and have to hold back a little giggle of delirium. "Hope you make it through finals and come back next year."

"Speaking of... we've got to get to class."

"Yeah," I say, voice breathy from having the life hugged out of me by Sasha. "I should probably go too. Don't want to fail out after everything. Then I mightreallydie."

I say it in a joking tone, so they both laugh—and cringe—but the truth isn't so far away.

Even after all this, I might fail out of Coleridge just because I'm not quite smart enough to hack it.

Chapter 9

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