Page 79 of Mated Exile

"I'm not sure what I did last time," I point out, even though I remember the surge of heat between us, how I wanted to melt into him andbea part of him, body and soul. "I'll give it a shot, though. I know this is important to you."

"Thank you."

Crossing the space between us, I get close enough to stretch out my arm and press my fingertips against his chest. But Ionlyget close enough, not wanting to tempt fate by stepping too near to his warmth.

Kieran cocks his head at me, raising a dark brow. "You'll dislocate your shoulder if you do it from any further away."

"Okay, okay."

Licking my lips, I take another step forward, trying to calm my rushing pulse. Thisiswhat I wanted, after all: to spend more time with him. To be close to him, and find out if something real can grow between us.

I want there to be something here more than anything.

Maybe that's why I'm so afraid.

But I step closer anyway, until the smell of him washes over me. He reminds me of so many moments of my childhood, warm and sweet. When I look up into his eyes, hand splayed on his chest, I can almost pretend like the last seven years never happened. It's as intoxicating as it is dangerous.

Taking a deep breath, I force my mind off memory lane and ripple my awareness out towards him. I can feel his emotions, the curiosity and nervous anticipation, but they're overshadowed by the thing inside of him. The black, pulsing pit leaps to my fingertips, oozing and festering, desperate to consume.

As it brushes up against me it shrinks, almost as if it's being shrunk by some kind of light. Frowning, I bend my concentration to my hand, stepping close enough topushagainst Kieran's chest. He pushes back, leaning against my fingertips, his eyes intent on my face.

I dig my grip into his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt.

And I swear, for a moment, I feel like I could sink into that bruising black pit. Almost like I could fold myself into it and make it go away. Closing my eyes, I reach for it instinctively, trying to get my grip around it and yank it out of him.

Instead I'm thrown off my feet and halfway across the room, back slamming against the wall before I slide to the ground in a heap of pain.

Thirty-Three

Delilah

"Delilah!" Kieran is at my side in an instant, kneeling beside me. I groan as I unfold from the ground and rub the back of my head. "What was that? Are you okay?"

Assessing my injuries, I come up with a throbbing ankle and a bruise forming on the back of my arm. "I've been better, but I'm okay."

Kieran hovers over me anxiously, helping me to get my feet. He frowns as I wince and stand unsteadily. "We should get the doctor."

"No! I mean, don't bother. I'm okay." Blushing a little, I lick my lips and shake myself off. "I think I just got a little too overenthusiastic when I sunk my awareness into it. I want to try again."

He gives me an incredulous look. "Seriously? You just went flying across the room."

"I should've anchored myself properly." Combing through the knowledge I've soaked in over the course of the past days with Tabitha's books and Bastian's little lessons, I'm surprised to discover that I've learned a few things. "It's something they teach witches when they're young, but obviously I don't have the training. You're supposed to sink a little of your awareness into the earth beneath your feet before letting your consciousness leave your body, even a little bit."

"Okay, I understood none of that." Kieran's hands still grip my upper arms, soft and supportive, his fingers curling towards me insistently. "All I know is there's no way I'm going to let you do that again when you nearly broke your neck the first time around."

Letting loose a frustrated breath, I narrow my eyes at him. "What would it take for you to change your mind on that?"

After several bits of back-and-forth, we come to a solution. Dragging the pillows and mattress off the daybed beneath the office window, we pad the area around the open wall, then settle in the circular nest we've created. Kieran insists that I put my back to the mattress, worried I'll get thrown again.

Wriggling down onto one of the broad pillows, I curl my toes towards the floor. The passages in the books about anchoring were laced throughout every spellbook I've read so far, but I barely paid attention to them. I was so wrapped up in skimming for curses related to werewolf packs and mate bonds that I didn't read closely. Thankfully the lessons sank in despite my carelessness, especially because yesterday Bastian showed me how his mother used to insist on placing her feet on the earth before performing even small spells, as a form of protection.

There were no chants or ingredients to accompany the anchoring spell. Just a simple instruction to let my awareness flow into the ground. The big black curse book insisted I put my actual body on the ground somehow, skin-to-surface, while the thin paperback book said the anchoring can be done from anywhere. I go with the former, hoping that the second story of a house counts.

Then I breathe in, eyes fluttering closed, and let my awareness trickle out of me. I feel Kieran as he sits opposite me, full of worry and frustration—as well as a heavy dose of shame for the throw I just took. Moving past him, I dive my awareness down towards the ground.

It should feel like something foreign, new and strange that I'm doing. Instead it feels perfectly natural, as easy as breathing or smiling. The sensation of joyful warmth that flows through me reminds me of the moment during the vampire battle, when I reached out to the pack land itself. An entire lake rose up to greet my touch, eager to do my bidding.

I haven't reached out since then, mostly because of how the land threw me out when I tried to run back into its embrace. I should rectify that, I realize guiltily. The older wolf at the council meeting claimed that a hybrid created the very pack territory itself. If that's true, then my bond with the land should come naturally, mateless exile or not.

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