Page 12 of You are the Reason

As I heard Dad raise his voice I hurried back towards my bed with tears stinging my eyes. Dad never yelled. My door creaked open slightly and Kyle tiptoed into my room.

“Hey Meadow — shhh it’s okay.” He soothed before he lay down beside me and wrapped me in his arms.

The next morning I awoke to voices, lots of them. Voices I didn’t recognise. Peeking down the hallway I saw the house buzzing with police. Mum was sitting at the dining table and Kyle was on the couch in the lounge room. But Dad, Dad was gone.

Chapter Eight

Jesse

I run my hand through my hair, and pick up my towel off the weight rack beside me. I’m distracted. It’s been a little over a week since Kinsley’s birthday, since she got a call that could give her answers to the past fourteen years.

I’ve been trying to give her space, waiting for her to confide in me, but by doing so, our message thread now only consists of random memes and videos captioned ‘this is so you’.She’s avoiding me.

What she seems to forget is that I’ve known her since she was six years old. She can’t pull the wool over my eyes. It doesn’t stop her trying though.

I grab my gym bag and head out, I’ll shower at home.

* * *

Cold water runs over my back,shit,how long have I been standing in here? I still can’t get Kinsley out of my head and I start work in an hour. I need to get it together.Damn Jesse, just call her dude.

What if she brushes me off, turns me away? She’s too good at putting up walls, barricading herself in the tallest tower like the princess she is. I’ve managed to break them down; to show her that not everyone will leave her, but sometimes she still tries. She reverts back to her old ways, and even though I can see right through the act, she hits you where it hurts. Her words are ice, freezing you where you stand. In those moments I want to reach out and shake her. I sigh drying off my hair. I don’t shake her out of it though, instead I give her space, reminding her I’ll always be there for when she needs me.

The last time she got this close to answers, she hit a dead end. Which is why I can tell she is hesitant, she’s scared it’s all going to crumble again, and when Kinsley gets scared she shuts down. No one, other than her damn toy boy who, in her words,“helps her escape,”is allowed in. I’m yet to meet the fucker, secretly I’m thankful. I’m not sure how I would keep up my own facade watching her drool all over him in person, the look in her eyes when she talks about him is enough.

I’ve always played it cool when she’s had flings with guys, little does she know, I hadCole Cooperby the scruff when he broke things off with her via text. He was a wanker anyway.

Kinsley answers on the third ring. “Hey Jess!”

Relief washes over me. “We still on for Thursday?” I keep the conversation light-hearted, even though what I really want to say is,“Did that George guy call you back? What information did he have?”I decide against it.

“Yeah, I finish at 9pm and then I can come over?”

“I’ll pick you up,” I say. It wasn’t a question, she wasn’t walking or catching a cab at 9 o’clock at night.

“Fine,” she sighs. “Hey Jesse, I’ve got news to share …” Her voice is softer now. “I can’t talk about it over the phone though, but I’ll see you Thurs— oh shit that’s tomorrow night, yeah?”

“Meadow —”

She cuts me off. “Please Jesse, just trust me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

The sound of the dial tone tells me she is gone. God damn princess. I grab my keys and head to work. I make it into the classroom five minutes before the bell rings. I really need to start getting to school earlier, especially now that I’m the teacher not the student.

Writing today’s date on the white board reminds me how lucky I am that I’m not standing here writing with chalk on a blackboard. I shudder at the thought, even the memory of that sound somehow makes my teeth hurt. I’m pulled from the painful memory, interrupted by children filling the classroom, chairs being pulled out as they take their seats, bursts of laughter while they chatter amongst themselves.

“Morning Mr ‘Dez.” Lucas, one of my grade six students, holds his fist out for me to bump it with my own. I love how they all decided to call meMr ‘Dez. I would have let them call me Jesse but apparently that can lead to children not respecting you as their teacher. I call bullshit on that. ‘Dez is way better than Fernandez anyway, so I just run with it.

“How’s it going, buddy?” Leaning against the board, I give him my full attention.

“I had footy training last night, Coach said he will let me play ruck this weekend!”

“That’s awesome, Lucas. Make sure you give ‘em hell on Sunday.”

“Oh, heck yeah Mr ‘Dez! I always do!” he says, making his way to his seat.

Sitting down at my desk, I grab what I need to start today’s lesson. Letting the kid’s banter die down a little before getting their attention once again. The grade six boys are AFL obsessed, majority of them play on the weekends and take it pretty damn seriously. It reminds me of when Kyle and myself used to play one memory in particular springs to mind. A memory of a night which was the beginning of a domino effect. One by one, the pieces started to fall. It was up to me to keep the final one standing; and that piece was Kinsley. I knew from that point onwards, I would do whatever it took to keep her out of harm’s way. I may not have been able to save Kyle, but for Kinsley, I’d run straight into the firing line myself if it kept her from getting hurt.

Twelve years earlier …

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