Page 20 of You are the Reason

There is a moment’s silence between us, but that’s the thing with me and Kyle, we don’t need to speak to communicate our thoughts. He knows; it’ll always be her.

“I’m going to leave my backpack in the same spot we watched from on the night you came with me, do you remember? Come and get it if anything happens.”

Chapter Thirteen

Kinsley

Tonight’s shift at the bar is dragging. The low hum of

conversations and clinking glasses feel distant, almost muffled, as if I’m just a fly on the wall. I blink a few times in an attempt to bring myself back, as the sound of someone drumming their fingers on the bar in front of me becomes more prevalent.

“Sorry,” I say leaning across the bar to speak over the music, “What can I get you?”

After I went for a run with Lou-loo this morning, I went home and set up my own little investigation in the spare room. Normally I sprawl everything out upstairs, across my bed, the floor, you name it. But since Tanner has started spending more time at the apartment it’s too risky to have it out in the open. I don’t want him walking in during one of mydeep-dive moments; he would probably think I’m crazy.

There is a reason I am keeping my past private. Sure, if he dug deep enough he would find the odd news article about my father’s disappearance, brother’s death and mother’s suicide; my name would be mentioned somewhere. But I choose to keep the secrets of my past away from those in my present, because everyone I loved was taken away from me. Jesse is the only one left standing. I live in fear that even my time with him will run out. Every single day I drown in the fear of the past repeating itself.

Maybe if I knew the truth of what happened to my dad and my brother, it would give me enough closure to live without this constant state of fear, but I’m no closer to finding those answers than I was twelve years ago.

When Jesse and I made the decision to move away from Greenwood we were going to get a place together, but I decided I needed to keep him at a safe distance. I made up some crap about independence and wanting to live in the CBD and I guess he bought it because he didn’t push the point. The reality of those lies is that I would rather keep him at arm’s reach, than lose him completely.

When I finally lock up the bar and say goodbye to tonight’s staff, I pour myself a drink and sit down in the office knowing that my taxi is twenty minutes away. I’m lost in thought about doing next week’s rosters when my eyes dart in the direction of the door, the sound of glass shattering causes my skin to prickle as it echoes down the hall and into my office.

I freeze in my chair, goosebumps spreading across my whole body and my heart begins to beat faster than ever before. All I can do is stare straight ahead at my open office door as the shattering continues.Smash, smash, smash.

Think, Kinsley!What a time it would be for my fight or flight to kick in, but no, I freeze instead.

Finally my body catches up with my head, my legs responding as I stand. I need something, anything. Scanning the office, I realise I have absolutely nothing in here to protect myself. Not even an umbrella.When did people stop carrying umbrellas?

Smash, smash, smash.

Fucking think, Kinsley. Fast.

Smash.

I take a deep breath, steadying my thoughts. Whoever is out there, assumes they are alone and I can only hope that means they aren’t armed. Slowly, I creep my way out into the corridor; if I can make it to the kitchen without being heard I will be able to grab something to protect myself with. Edging towards the kitchen, headlights beam into the dark building and on instinct I press up against the wall.

The taxi,I think to myself, my lungs burn as I remember how to breathe again. The sound of the taxi’s horn must startle the intruder, I hear a muffled voice scrambling around out in the bar before the main door slams shut.They’re gone.I need to get out of here, and I do. I flee out the back door and into the safety of the waiting taxi.

Me - I need you

Jesse - On my way

As the taxi pulls up outside my apartment, I consider asking them to wait with me but I quickly dismiss that idea.Kinsley, snap out of it, you can hold your own.The voice in my head almost convinces me to text Jesse back and tell him I’m all good now, but I don’t. Instead, I sit on the steps outside my apartment and call the local police station to report the break-in. What feels like only minutes later the familiar sound of Jesse’s engine grabs my attention and in seconds he’s kneeling in front of me.

“Thank you, officer; I can meet you there in fifteen minutes.”

When I drop my phone into my lap Jesse’s brow furrows and concern is etched into his face. I meet his gaze, I know he’s waiting for me to speak but the words just won’t come out. Sitting here like this in front of him, all I want to do is melt into his arms and let him take all the weight off my shoulders. He is my best friend, it’s what we do for each other, but a small part of me is questioning if I am still able to confide in him like that; vulnerable and almost intimate, in a way. It’s not just him and I anymore. Tanner and I don’t have a label on whatever is happening between us, but we aren’tjustsleeping together. Are there lines and boundaries I should be drawing here? Shit — should I have called him instead?

“Meadow!” Jesse snaps. “What is going on?”

I explain the events of the past hour as Jesse drives us back to Twisted Sister. Once we arrive, we stand around as the police take photos, brush for fingerprints and I give them access to the security footage. It turns out that whoever broke in decided they needed a stress release. They smashed every wine glass from the racks above the bar, but other than that nothing was taken or touched.

After the police get what they need, I email our cleaning crew to come through in the morning so we can open as normal again tomorrow evening. Jesse guides me back to the passenger side of his ute with his arm draped around me.This is us.These moments are so normal for us; do I need to change my relationship with my best friend because of what is progressing with Tanner? The thought makes me uneasy; Jesse is the only family I have.

The drive back to my apartment is quiet; something feels off, other than the emotional fallout from the break in. I’m too exhausted to question him right now though. Once we get inside, he disappears up the stairs. I’m double checking the lock, hanging up my coat and slipping off my heels when I hear a distant grumble come from my bathroom over the sound of running water. ‘Shit, why is that so hot?!’ I can’t help but laugh; he’s so damn clumsy.

He’s going to make a woman so happy one day.I think to myself as I silently watch him running me a bath from the doorway of my ensuite.

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