Page 28 of You are the Reason

“Thanks for the pizza, Jess,” I yawn.

Jesse gives Tanner’s shoulder a squeeze and ruffles my hair as he rounds the couch. The couch which, mind you, stretches the length of the room. Tanner’s place is at least twice the size of mine; the theatre room alone is bigger than my kitchen and dining combined.

Sophie’s eyes find mine; she smiles and mouths ‘love you’ as they leave. I never thought I could form such a close bond with someone in such a short amount of time, but this girl right here, she’s family now.

We all are in a way, the four of us. I won’t deny that I can still feel tension in the air occasionally from Tanner towards Jesse, but I always make an effort to bring it up with him and ask if there was anything that may have made him feel uncomfortable. He really has nothing to worry about.

Sure, Jesse is my constant; my person, my voice of reason. But Tanner, he is my guiding light. He keeps me out of the darkness. When I have him near, my mind is above the mess in my subconscious. If only I could share that with him, I can’t though. Not yet. Not until I’ve buried all the ghosts of my past. Not when they’re still out there, ready to start haunting me. It’s not an if, but a when, and something tells me that day is coming.

Tanner takes the pizza boxes to the kitchen and I busy myself folding the throw blankets and placing them on the chaise of the couch. Even though I refuse to bare my heart to him until I am ready to go all in, I try to show him in every way possible what I’m too afraid to say. I hope he knows,I hope he can see me.

By the time I reach his bedroom, I can see the flicker of candlelight through the door into the ensuite. I smile as warmth spreads throughout my chest; a feeling I’m getting used to if I’m being honest. Before I can reach the door, my wrist is caught in a tight grip and I’m pulled backwards, my back quickly pressed against Tanner’s firm body.

“Like what you see in there Pip?” His hot breath against my neck sends sparks deep in my core.

“Mhmm”

“Well, you best be a good girl then. You know, so I can take care of you.”

“I’ll be whatever you want me to be Tanner.” I try to take a step forward, to lead us into the ensuite, but Tanner’s other arm wraps around my waist and holds me still.

“Slow down, we have all night. I’ll take care of you in there after I’ve taken care of you out here. Once your body is exhausted, when your legs can no longer hold you up and you’ve finished screaming my name.”

The warmth that started in my chest has travelled down throughout my body and has gathered between my thighs. I try to rub them together, desperate for friction but it’s not enough. Eagerly I lean back into Tanner, sinking further into his hold. I don’t think I need to hope anymore.He sees me.

Chapter Nineteen

Tanner

I’m really not a people person, despite being the face of the family business day in, day out. I guess years of being trained to act a certain way will do that to you; nine years to be exact. Nine years of being the golden boy —‘the chosen one’ —I push the thoughts back down. Regardless of my own social preferences, the four of us have fallen into a routine of getting together once a week. Personally, I could think of several other things I would prefer to be doing with my curvy little brunette … But, the way her face lights up when we are all in the same room is something I can’t bring myself to take away.

I have been waiting hours now to have the house,and her,all to myself, so when she presses herself back against me I almost lose all control. But, what would the fun be in that?I need a hit and she’s my drug of choice.

“I had big plans the other day so I feel like we should pick up where we left off,” I say, peppering kisses down her neck.

“You had more planned? More than —” She twirls her hand in the air, not wanting to spell it all out.

My chest rumbles, if I didn’t know better I would think this girl is too innocent for me. “There will never be enough hours in the day for me to fulfil all the things I want to do to you, Kinsley.”

“Clocks ticking then,” she says on a breathy moan.

Damn this girl. She continues to surprise me. I step away from her, keeping my hands where they are for a moment longer so she can find her feet before my touch disappears completely. Kinsley looks over her shoulder towards me, so I lift my chin to encourage her to follow my lead.My girl seems to be feeling shy tonight, I’ll soon change that.I sit down on the edge of the bed and place a pillow between my legs.

“You, uh, want to do my hair again?” Even though the lights are dim I can see the rosy colour spreading across her cheeks.

Tilting my head to the side I ask, “Do you want me to?”

Kinsley looks between me and the pillow, then nods. “Yes please.”

“Then yes, I want to do your hair again. Sit.”

The look she gives me before she makes herself comfortable between my legs almost makes me rub at my chest. She’s cracking me open in ways I’ve never experienced and at this moment I know I would do anything for her. I would rather be the villain in her story, because I know that’s what she needs. I’ll let Jesse be the hero, the one she runs to when she needs someone to be soft with her. Whilst I’ll willingly be the one to take her choices away from her, to help her escape her mind.

I plait her hair, just like she had the morning I picked her up on my bike, and when she realises she breaks out into laughter.

“Tanner! I thought – weren’t you going to braid my hair again?”

“I told you, I like these.” I give them a little tug as she jumps up to her feet with a scowl on her face.

---