Page 36 of You are the Reason

“Could have what, Kinsley? You were only eight years old when he went missing, not even ten when they closed the case. There was nothing any of us could do.”

I pull my knees up to my chest, resting my chin against them. Jesse is right, there is nothing I could have done.

“One night we were going through the file they had put together on your dad’s disappearance and we found a list of suspects, all of which had been marked as having an alibi. One name in particular stood out from the rest — LancefuckingHarding. Kyle immediately switched back to the case on the missing girl and found the location of the house they arrested him at. “Something about this guy was off and Kyle felt it, regardless of him having an alibi. We made a pact not to tell anyone about what we found, and we started watching the house from a distance. Kyle would go alone more times than he asked me to go along with him. Then one night —”

Jesse’s expression hardens, he closes his eyes tight and drops his head into his hands. I move closer to him, wanting to comfort him but also not wanting him to stop talking. I know it must be painful for him, but I need to know. I’ve been in the dark for far too long.

“Take your time, Jess.” He looks up at me with so much pain in his eyes.

Jesse lies back on the couch, gesturing his chin down to the empty space beside him. I grab a pillow and prop myself up on my side, my back resting against his chest. Closing my eyes, I wait for him to be ready to continue.

“A few weeks later, I woke up to a phone call from Kyle. It would’ve been around 1am; some stupid hour. He told me that he was watching the house and was going to make a move — he was going in.”

“I don’t understand. Why did he want to go in there?”

“That night when he was watching —”

“Mmm,” I mumble, encouraging him to continue.

“— Meadow, he thought he saw your dad.”

I jump up into a sitting position. “Tell me you didn’t just say Kyle thought he saw my dad, the night before he was found dead?” Jesse tries to place his hand on my back in comfort but I shift away.

“He made me promise not to do anything; that I needed to protect you. There is something linking them to your family, and I think it’s more than just your dad investigating Lance. We knew it all the way back then and I still feel the same way now. You were in danger, Meadow. Youarein danger.”

I disregard that last comment, I’m too angry. “You should have gone to the police!” I’m shouting, my compassion for the situation Jesse was put into has completely gone out the window. “How could you do this?”

“I did what I needed to do, I —”

“No, Jesse. You lied. You covered up a murder —” my lip trembles as I speak “— Kyle’s murder.” I step backwards, for the first time in my life I am walking away from Jesse. The heaviness of the truth is weighing me down. The pillows I had thrown off the couch to get comfortable in his arms only minutes earlier cause me to stumble and I fall flat on my ass.

“Meadow?”

Jesse is right there,he’s always been right there.I break into a sob.

“Kinsley, look at me. Please, look at me.” Jesse’s forefinger lifts my chin but I can’t see him through the tears clouding my vision. “If I thought for a second the police were going to listen to a thirteen year old kid whose best friend had just passed away, I would have said something. They didn’t even look into his death as suspicious; a ‘hit and run’ they called it. Your mum didn’t even want a coroner’s report.”

“H-how do you know that?”

“It was in the papers, Kins. She went off the rails pretty hard for a while there.”

“You know.” I sniff, fighting off the tears. “I don’t even remember living with you and your mum. I remember being there a lot after Kyle died; having my own space to sleep in, walking to school from your house. But that’s it. Why can’t I remember?”

Jesse sits down on the floor. “Sometimes we subconsciously push things away when we suffer trauma, especially so early in life.”

“I miss her,”

“Your mum?” Jesse asks hesitantly.

I try to laugh but it comes out more as a muffled kind of choking sound. “No, yours.”

Chapter Twenty-Four

Jesse

“Come on, sleepy head, we’ve got things to do and people to see today.”

“Who could we possibly need to see?” Kinsley mumbles into her pillow. “— Andpeoplemeaning plural? I’m not sure I am up for that.” She looks up at me with a sleepy grin and rubs her eyes.

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