Page 46 of You are the Reason

When I’m sure she is asleep I roll out of bed and tuck the blankets around her to mimic the pressure of my hold. I close the curtains to allow her to sleep and decide to go off in search of foods which not even she can deny.

* * *

Kinsley

My stomach rumbles. Opening my eyes, I see that the curtains are closed, the smallest amount of light filtering in. Jesse is nowhere to be seen, I’m not sure how much time has passed but the other times I’ve glanced around, he’s been sitting in my reading chair or lying next to me. Deciding I don’t want a victory party for actually leaving the bed, I slip out whilst I’m here alone.

I can’t physically lay in that bed any longer, however the sight of the stairs sends a shiver up my spine. I’m not ready to leave the comfort of my little abode up here.Hmm, maybe Jesse has gone to get me food?I think I recall him throwing the blankets off of me earlier, demanding I get up and eat something. I’m not sure what day it is or even the time. All I know is that Jesse has been here, looking out for me, fussing over me. The least I could do is try to pull myself together, even if I’m not ready to walk downstairs in my own apartment yet.

Bath or shower? The shower would hide my tears, but the bathtub will cocoon me, hold me and keep me safe.

“Bubble Bath?” Jesse speaks from behind me. The smell of baked goods follows him. He’s holding two bakery trays in brown paper bags. “I got all your favourites.”

A smile creeps onto my face, I can’t help it. “Yes, please,” I say, taking the trays of food from his hands. The water begins to run, filling the bathtub as I take the food back into the bedroom.

“Hallelujah!” Jesse cries out when he sees me chewing. “She isn’t going to die of starvation.”

I flip him off, unable to speak with my mouth full of pastries. I hold up the tray, gesturing for him to grab something.

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare,” he laughs, holding his hands up in front of himself.

“I can’t physically eat all of this, Jesse; help a girl out here.”

He approaches with caution. “Fine, but only if you go and get in the bath.”

I stand, giving him the best version of a smile I can muster.

“— and Kins …” he adds, I pause gripping the doorframe of the ensuite, looking back over my shoulder at him. “Can you leave the door open?”

A glance at my wrist and back towards him, causes my chest to ache and tears well in my eyes.He’s scared.I don’t say anything, I continue to walk into the bathroom and out of his line of sight, undressing and lowering myself into the bath; all whilst leaving the door open. If that’s the peace of mind he needs, I’ll give it to him.

Chapter Thirty-One

Tanner

Two days prior …

Jesse finally told me everything.

Now, I’m standing in Kinsley’s spare room, looking around at the mess of papers, the pinboards and notebooks. I’m not angry that she kept this from me, I’m hurt that she is going through this without my support.

The hairs on the back of my neck prickle when I think of the final words Jesse left me with,‘If she knows that you know, she will push you away. She can turn cold as ice and her words will hurt you. Just know that in her eyes, she is doing this to protect you.’

She wouldn’t push me away though, would she? She is fucking delusional if she thinks for a minute that I would walk away from her. Kinsley Mae Fallon ismine.

I can make it look as though I’m walking away, if that’s what she wants. But little will she know, I’ll be walking into battle right alongside her. I will let her believe she is protecting me. I will willingly walk away. Fuck, it will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but for her I would do anything.

Jesse seems to think he knows how she will react when she finds me in here, when she realises that I know the details of her past — or really lack thereof. Except, I’m hoping he’s wrong. I’m pacing the room when I hear the front door unlock and the familiar clicking of her heels on the tiles. From the entryway she will be able to see that the door to the spare room is open and the light is on. My chest tightens as I wait for her to notice. If Jesse is right and she pushes me away, we have a plan, a plan that ends with her back in my arms.

“Jess, is that you in there?” she calls out. “I’ll grab us a beer.”

Moments later she’s standing in the doorway, hazel-coloured eyes collide with mine and the beer bottles shatter onto the tiles.

“T-tanner, what are you —” She’s shaking her head, clearly not wanting to believe the sight before her eyes. The sight of me seeing her,reallyseeing her,for the first time.

I’ve had hours to figure out what I was going to say to her, but now she is here, standing mere feet away from me, I’m speechless. My heart lays on the ground between us, resembled by the shards of broken glass.I have to try, for myself, for her, for us.We are more alike than she knows, but now is not the time to revel in the loss of my own family ties. The look in her eyes and the way her body is trembling screams to me that this is clearly a bigger deal to her than I thought it would be.

Closing the gap between us, I wrap my arms around her and hold her to my chest. Her hands fist my t-shirt and we stand in silence holding each other; an attempt at masking all the unspoken words. Eventually, I let go of her and using my forefinger, I tilt her chin upwards. She blinks and the eyes I’m met with are no longer sparkling, there isn’t even a hint of gold left in them.Jesse was right. Kinsley is shutting down and soon she’ll be pushing me away. If only she understood how serious I was when I told herforever.

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