Page 47 of You are the Reason

Knowing what I do now, I should have slipped a fucking marriage certificate in with her rental agreement. The thoughtalmostmakes me smile, but it’s neither the time nor the place.

* * *

Tanner

Present time …

I’m drowning in the shadows of my office, the only light flickers from the computer screens in front of me. To my right my screen is split into four; showing the two cameras on the outside of Kinsley’s apartment, as well as two new cameras; one in her bedroom and one in the open living area downstairs.

Jesse has the doors open to her balcony, the white sheer curtains moving in the breeze. I can see him attempting to talk to her, while the blankets are pulled up over her head.I should have installed a microphone along with the fucking camera.Moments later he pulls the covers off her and she retreats into a ball. Her body shakes, not from fear or being cold, no – she’s sobbing.

I tip back the glass of whisky I poured earlier. The burn of alcohol is no competition to the way my heart is cracking open at the sight of her. Looking back at the screen I see Jesse laying beside her, pulling her into his arms. A mixture of guilt, jealousy and gratitude wash over me and I remind myself that I promised her I would always be what she needed; right now she needs me to be her dark knight … Jesse has always been the one in shining armour.

Turning my attention back to the screen on my left, I continue running a search on Kinsley’s family. I’m determined to learn as much about her past as I can. Jesse has brought me up to speed with his recollection of events, which has helped me paint a picture of her childhood, however I need to dive deeper into her parents; something about them is off.

If Kinsley’s dad – Warren — came home after making the arrest on Lance Harding and then disappeared before morning, Kinsley’s mum would have been the last person to see him. I need to find her statement to the police, lucky for me Jesse gave me Stanley’s contact details.

Dialling Stanley’s number he answers on the second ring, “Hello, Stanley speaking.”

“Stanley – My name is Tanner Hayes, Jesse gave me your contact details.”

“Yes, he did mention I may hear from you. How can I help?

I fill him in on my own personal findings, before asking him if he had any witness statements or reports from Warren’s disappearance.

“Thanks, Stanley,” I say, as an email pops up on my screen. “I’ve got it.”

“Just doing my job, Mr Hayes. Can I ask –”

I cut him off, “Please, just call me Tanner. I’ll be in touch if I need anything else.” I end the call, slamming my phone down onto the desk.The motherfucker ran a search on me.It’s the only explanation as to why he pulled the ‘Mr Hayes’ crap. I push back from my desk, needing to top up my glass of whisky before I read over this report.

My fist connects with the drywall, leaving another hole I’m going to need to patch.I need to get out of this house.Stretching my fingers out straight before curling them back into a fist, I hiss at the sting of my knuckles. It’s the third time in two days they have been split open. Today, the culprit was a pink scrunchie. Lana – the cleaner, must have found it somewhere in the bedroom and placed it on the bedside table.

Unable to sit around in this empty house any longer, I pick up my phone and dial the only number I know I can confide in.

“Been a minute,” Harley teases.

“I’ve had shit going on, you know what it’s like.”

Silence lingers between us, I can hear the rest of the boys in the background which tells me Harley and the others are at the shop.

“Can I swing by?” I ask, already knowing the answer. Harley is the type of person you don’t need to talk to everyday, or even every six months — shit it really hasbeen a minute.

When he speaks again his tone is less comical, “You know you’re always welcome here, Chonk.” I nod in response, as if he can see me; end the call and make my way there.

Music drifts out of the workshop at the rear of the shopfront, I park my bike next to the four others and place my helmet on the seat. Harley might be understanding of how I come and go but some of the others aren’t as easy going. We are supposed to be a family and we were,we are —things are just more complicated than they used to be; when we were younger.

Harley, Josh, Zach, Carter and I grew up together. Unlike theirs, my life took a turn when I found myself at an intersection; one where I had no choice but to turn left whilst the others went right. I’ve been trying to find my way back to them ever since;I’m still trying.

When I walk through the door, the chatter stops.Let You Downby NF plays on the radio and I square my shoulders, not knowing how my presence will be perceived. Josh is taking his turn over at the pool table, his grey t-shirt tight across his biceps, showing off more ink than he had last time I saw him. His light brown hair is buzzed short and roughly spiked on top. He doesn’t look up as he pockets a ball, instead he continues moving around the table to take his next turn. Zach is working on a bike in the far left corner. He’s spread out underneath it, all I can see of him are his combat boots and denim jeans which are covered in oil and grease. Carter is sitting on the couch in the centre of the room, there is barely an inch of unmarked skin left on him that I can see. He always had the most tattoos, but the woman’s face that sits on his neck, with roses and thorns covering her is one I’ve never seen before. There is a girl sitting on his lap, she is a tiny little thing, her white blonde hair is in a pony tail high on her head, and her dark lipstick throws off,don’t fuck with mevibes.

Harley approaches me first, pulling me into a hug. He swings his arm over my shoulder and we walk towards the group. I’m close to six feet tall but he towers over me. From the corner of my eye, I see Carter stand, bending to kiss his girl on the forehead, before heading our way. He takes my hand and pulls me into a one arm hug, slapping me on the back.

“It’s been a while, Chonk.” He winks. “I’ll grab you a beer.”

I laugh at the nickname I was given as a child and my shoulders relax a little. My eyes find Josh leaning against the pool table, his arms folded across his chest. He is going to be the difficult one. He challenges me with a lift of his brow and I shake my head. Josh is the youngest of us, only recently twenty-one and I know he took it the hardest when I left. How can I blame him? He was only twelve and the five of us had been the only family he had ever known.

“Don’t be like that, Bubs.” I say, but I can’t hide the guilt in my voice. I’m the one who pushes them away when it all gets too much, when I can no longer take the pressure of juggling both worlds. Carter hands me a beer and I twist off the cap, flicking it into the pot belly beside me.

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