Page 64 of You are the Reason

“Can I come with you?” I turn my attention to Marie now.

“I was worried you wouldn’t ask.” Relief washes over her face. “Yes, please do.”

* * *

The words the nurse spoke sink further into my chest,“If you follow me this way, I will take you down to the morgue.”

My body stiffens, stainless steel tables with sheets draped over cold bodies flash before my eyes.I can’t. I can’t let that be the last —a firm grip lands on my shoulders, halting my thoughts and squeezing me back into reality.

“Oh, sweetheart,” the nurse pleads, understanding my fears. “No, your friend is in the viewing room. It’s comfortable, come I’ll show you.”

The three of us follow her down a long corridor, Tanner’s hand in the small of my back keeping me grounded. She enters the lift and waits for us to shuffle in beside her. The metal doors close and when they slide open again we are greeted by a reception desk, this time with two women sipping cups of tea in front of computer screens. We bypass them to the left and come to a stop outside a door with a sign that reads‘viewing in progress’.

The nurse turns to face us. “I’ll give you all a moment.” Then without another word she walks in the direction of the reception desk. Off to indulge in gossip and a cup of tea.Lucky her.

Chapter Forty-Four

Tanner

When we first arrived at the hospital, Kinsley was passed out in the back seat; her dark hair had fallen loose from her bun and stray strands were slick with sweat against her face. She was somehow still holding Jesse against her small body, knuckles white while gripping his shirt.

Nurses and Doctors surrounded the car, carefully removing Jesse, laying his body on a stretcher and wheeling him away. Then two others in white scrubs stepped forward and a fierce protective instinct washed over me as they reached for Kinsley. Despite their pleas of bullshitpolicies and procedures,I forced my way through them. I scooped her up and cradled her in my arms, marching her limp body into the hospital myself. After checking her over and clearing her of any physical injuries, they insisted on monitoring her until she woke up. I couldn’t disagree, I saw the darkness in her eyes from the rearview mirror as we drove to the hospital; she was lost so deep within herself.

Now I’m standing, arms folded across my chest, in the doorway of the room where Jesse’s body lays lifeless.‘I’ll give you all a moment’.I scoff at the comment the nurse had made. I’ll be damned if anyone is interrupting the time Kinsley and Marie want to have in here, I’ll stand with my feet planted here all day if I have to.

I watch the two of them for a while, before stepping out of the room and pulling my phone out of my pocket. There is someone I need to call. My fingers swipe across the screen; the dial tone rings in my ear four times and I almost end the call when a feminine voice answers.

“Hello?”

“Hey Soph, it’s Tanner.”

“Hey, what’s up? Everything okay?”

“How quickly can you get down to Blackwater Hospital?”

“Uhm.” Her fingers tapping the phone screen. “I can be there in thirty-five minutes.”

“Soph,” my voice thick with warning. “It’s not good.”

“Stay with her, I’ll be there soon.”

Ending the call, I turn back to look through the glass. Kinsley is sitting on the far side of the bed brushing Jesse’s curls out of his eyes; her lips moving whispering all the things she never got to say.He knew.In the weeks I spent alone with Jesse I learnt a lot about him; his devotion to Kinsley and his promise to Kyle.

When they were kids, their relationship started out as a schoolyard crush, she was just his best friend’s little sister. But as they got older, especially after Kyle passed away, she became less of his best friend’s little sister and more of the woman he served to protect, his twin flame;the one he wanted but couldn’t have.

They had a continuous ‘Right Person, Wrong Time’ situation on their hands. Only Kinsley never knew it. Somehow she was oblivious to it all. Now, as she sits at his bedside, I can see the regret written all over her face. How the fuck am I going to help her through this?

Quietly, I re-enter the room and neither of them acknowledge my presence; good, I want them to be in this moment with him. Marie’s head rests on Jesse’s chest, her small, weathered hands clutching his. With the time that has passed, the warmth of his body would be gone now. Scanning the shelving unit in the corner, I see a pile of folded woolen blankets. I take two, shaking them open and proceed to wrap one around each of the grieving women before me.

Kinsley looks up, her eyes telling me stories of a thousand lifetimes. Each one playing out with an ending different to the one she is witnessing today. I want to scoop her back up into my arms and protect her from her pain. From all that is still to come. But I can’t, not yet.

* * *

Kinsley

Marie finally rouses, I’m not sure how long we watched her sleep for. She passed out earlier with her head on Jesse’s chest, and during that time Tanner had to turn several nurses away, demanding they not disturb her. When she eventually finds the strength to drag her eyes from him she stands, folds the blanket and pulls her cardigan tighter around her body. Her eyes meet mine and two words slip quietly from her mouth, “I’m ready.”

Then, as if he was a guiding light leading us out of the darkness, we follow Tanner out of the room. The click of the door closing behind us will forever haunt me. Marie and I walk hand in hand to the elevator, the three of us taking it back to the ground floor. As we enter the small hospital cafeteria, a familiar pair of chocolate brown eyes meet mine across scattered round tables.

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