Page 65 of You are the Reason

Sophie is sitting alone at a table with four takeaway coffee cups.Please let them be for us, could you imagine if she had consumed all that caffeine? Tanner snickers behind me — wait, did I just say that out loud?

“Marie, this is Sophie,” I say as we approach her.

Marie greets her with a soft smile. “Sophie, I’ve heard so many lovely things about you.”

For the first time since I have known her, Soph is lost for words. Her smile lacks the little dimple on her left cheek, her eyes dart between each of us lacking their usual sparkle. Suddenly it smacks me in the face,she doesn’t know.

“I, uh — there are two lattès and two hot chocolates.” She gestures to the table. “I wasn’t sure what to get.”

Marie and Tanner each take a seat at the table. Whilst I stay standing, twisting a small strand of hair around and around my finger before I feel the relief of the burn.I need to tell her.

“I need to use the bathroom.” Sophie excuses herself from the table and glances my way.

“Me too, actually.” I look between Tanner and Marie. “Will you two be okay for a moment?”

“Go, sweet girl; we will be here when you get back.” Marie shoos us away with her hand.

In the bathroom, Sophie rounds on me, desperation in her eyes. “Kinsley, please, I’m begging you. What is going on? Where is Jesse?”

I close my eyes, one final attempt at wishing this all away. When I open them, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. I’m still wearing the same clothes; the crimson stains on my jeans are a telling sign something has gone very wrong.

With Sophie perched on the bench, next to the sink, I lean against the hand dryer. “Soph, I — I don’t even know where to begin …”

Threading her fingers through mine, she squeezes. Somehow, I manage to keep my emotions buried deep inside. It’s almost as if I’m living in one big dissociation, looking down from above and narrating the events of the past twenty-four hours.

Being woken up by Lou-loo with Tanner standing in my bedroom, finding out my dad was alive and then having Jesse bleed out on my lap. It sounds ridiculous to say it all out loud. Soph just listens, absorbing all the information, as the colour slowly drains from her face.

Chapter Forty-Five

Kinsley

“Thank you both so much; I wouldn’t have been able to do that alone,” Marie whispers. As she steps back, my heart sinks a little from the loss of her embrace.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come and stay with us tonight?” I ask her. “Or I can stay here with you?”

Marie shakes her head, a single tear falling down her cheek. “No, Meadow, dear. I think I need to be alone tonight. I will phone you first thing in the morning though.”

The left side of my mouth turns up in a half hearted smile, it’s all I can muster in this moment. “Promise?”

“I promise. Now go, I’ll speak with you in the morning.”

Each step I take towards the car, a thundering vibration surges through my body; the finality of today begins to settle into my bones. When I reach the passenger door, I look back over my shoulder one last time, Marie’s chin dips with encouragement and I climb in. Tanner squeezes my thigh as we reverse out of the only place that still felt like home.

Rolling hillsides melt into multi-storey buildings as we make our way back into the city. Tanner hasn’t said a word since we left Jesse’s childhood home, even though I’ve seen his eyes flicker my way whilst driving.

When he does speak, his voice startles me, “Do you want to go back to your apartment, or would you rather come back to my place and get some sleep before —” he takes a moment to find the right words, “— You know, before tackling any other big emotional things?”

“I’m not sure I’m following you — Oh, my dad is at my apartment isn’t he? No, take me there. I need to see him.”

We arrive as the sky is turning a beautiful mix of oranges, pinks and yellows. It’s the most magical sunset I have ever witnessed.He’s still with me.Jesse’s words of reassurance, from the night I was worried about him finding someone of his own, come to mind.

‘I’ll always be here for you, Kinsley. Day or night, if you call me, I will move heaven and earth to get to you.’

If only I knew then, what I know now.

My palm firmly grips the door handle, turning it slowly and pushing it open with caution. I expect Lou-loo to greet me as she normally does, with a big slobbery grin on her face, however the house is quiet. No pitter patter of paws, no excited barking; only silence.

“Lou?” I call out, walking through the front entry of my apartment. The lights are off down here so I continue through the living area and flick the kitchen lights on. I check the spare bedroom, nothing.

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