Page 83 of Trickster King

I laughed. “I am hopeful that I can teach our food-thieving tyrants an appreciation for fast food on this venture. I’m more hopeful that I can lure my wife into the rather nice hotel near the restaurant, where we can indulge in the jetted tub without supervision before we’re cruelly forced to come back to the palace to work.”

“Your odds of such a scheme are quite high. Seriously, though. How did you pull this off?”

“I asked,” I admitted. “I cornered Randy, asked him if such a thing would fit into the schedule, and let him do his job. He gave me your schedule, I contacted everyone on it, and asked them very nicely to release you from your responsibilities so I could take you on a proper date. I acquired seven babysitters that way, but I’m afraid we’re leaving our children with politicians. We will resume being parents and monarchs tomorrow afternoon. I even called New York.”

I’d tried to lure young Rachel to Texas for a visit, but her asshole parents had refused the invitation. Instead, I’d gotten Prince Ian for a week, and he’d arrive shortly after we did.

The teen had some form of plague, verged on being incoherent, and the Queen of New York had suggested I might be able to handle the matter through my soup. She also thought he might be useful for some of the obnoxious politics none of us wanted to handle.

Most days, I loathed the woman, but if she wanted to foist her sick kid on us for a week because she didn’t want to deal with him, I’d take him without regret. I’d half-ass the politics, give him a better deal than I’d give his parents, and send him back on with a little more confidence and a better idea of how to be kind to others.

“Ugh, New York. I want to beat them so badly for being terrible parents.”

She must have heard about Ian’s illness. “Which part of their terrible parenting got you this time?”

“All of it. They forced Ian to handle a call with me yesterday. He sounded like death warmed over. If I could go over there, smack them around, and steal their son, I would! Just watch me.”

“I may have done something naughty,” I announced.

“What did you do now? You already have the title of the Trickster King. You do not need to reinforce that the title is rightfully yours.”

“We’re getting Ian for a week starting tomorrow. I’d wanted Rachel, but the assholes refused. I think they’re trying to get rid of us through transferring his illness. If they’re not going to take care of him, I will.”

“We.”

“I.” Aware we’d have a rather energetic evening as a result, I raised a brow at her.

“Okay. How did you pull that off?”

“I initially asked for Rachel to come visit to help handle minor official business. They played ball and offered Ian.”

“While he’s sick?”

“New York has never respected us and never will, babe. Don’t worry about it. I’m not. We’ll have a week to teach him how good people parent, and I’ll do most of the work for the annoying political garbage. I’ll send him home looking like he did more than pull his weight, teach him the ropes for the proposal, and give him a chance to be useful to them. As long as he’s useful, they’ll treat him decently.”

My wife muttered curses. “I hate how true that is.”

“So, you won’t have to worry about New York for at least a week. We have successfully stolen one of their princes, and we’ll teach him how best to defy his idiot parents in a way that won’t backfire on him. Maybe we’ll even give him a horse.”

I loved the idea of giving Ian a horse as the young prince was proving to be useful and the horse would be the equivalent of a white elephant. The New York monarchs would have to provide good care for the animal, Ian would be able to have unrestricted access to his horse, and everyone would be as safe as possible.

New York pissed me off, but New York knew better than to truly anger me.

“You are something else, Patrick Laycal.”

I allowed myself a rather vicious smile. “If the boy wants a horse, we’ll send him home with a horse—a horse his asshole parents will have to properly care for, else they face the wrath of Texas.”

“I see New York has pissed you off again,” my wife stated, her tone turning neutral.

“When haven’t they? But seriously. If I could rescue their kingdom from them, I would. Nothing would please me more than watching their empire burn around them. And you know what else I’d like?”

“I’m afraid to ask, but I’m going to. What else would you like?”

“For either Rachel or Ian to take that throne, because both of those kids have enough heart for their people. The rest of them don’t deserve yams and chicken with how they behave. I’d still feed them, albeit grudgingly.”

My wife reached over and patted my knee. “We can go find him a horse while he’s here. I’d say one of your Akhal-Tekes, but those bastards would find a way to ruin your breeding program and add to their genetic woes.”

No kidding, and as I didn’t have any geldings and zero inclination to geld any of them, I’d have to go further afield to find a good animal. “I’m sure we’ll think of something. We’ll ask him what kind of horse riding he likes, and we’ll pick the horse based on that. And then we’ll arrange for him to get instruction. His parents won’t.”

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