Page 34 of Iron Unicorn

“It seems you’ve picked a thinker,” Olivia commented, and she leaned over and patted my horse. “You’re such a good girl.”

Some horses simply needed time to consider new things around them, an easy enough issue to accommodate. “She could have spooked at the phone or our strange behavior. I bet she’s a dream to train. She’s not like some of the Montana horses.”

“Of course she’s not. I love them, but some of our horses have nothing but rock and dust for brains,” the princess replied with a giggle. “Just be glad I liked the idea of going riding across Texas. The Texan RPS would be more than happy to help you find a new pet squirrel.”

“Can I pass on that?”

“You could, but do you really want to? Admit it. You adored You Furry Little Bastard. He even slept on your pillow with you.”

“That is because he was a furry little bastard!” I heaved a sigh. “I might consider some form of small pet if it’ll make you happy.”

Knowing her, she would not leave me alone about it until she was confident I had someone or something around showering me with adoration. As it was, I would have to make some serious adjustments to caring for a pair of horses and a foal. I’d enjoy the work, as I had missed having horses around, but I’d hold that secret close to my chest.

“I’m going to absolutely insist. Seeing Rachel’s face when she realizes you’re a doting pet parent is going to be priceless. And then I can show her all those pictures of you with your squirrel I’ve been holding on to for just the right moment.”

Protesting wouldn’t change anything. Olivia would find an excuse to come to New York, and the women would spend hours squealing over my old squirrel. I wouldn’t even be able to blame them.

The squirrel had been a dastardly foe, too cute to vanquish, thus resulting in him ruling my home. “Thank you for sparing me thus far.”

“The time wasn’t right. But I’ll hold back long enough for you to pick a new little pet. I recommend something you can train to ride around in your pocket, just like You Furry Little Bastard.”

“He did not ride in my pocket. He roosted in my hair and sat on my shoulder. He cost me a fortune in dry cleaning, too. I’m just glad he wasn’t terribly difficult to litter train.”

“Honestly, the fact you litter trained your squirrel amazed me then and still amazes me now.”

“I’m just glad that the RPS was willing to let me have a litter box in my office for my squirrel—and that the interior staff watched him when I couldn’t take him with me.” After You Furry Little Bastard had died, I’d returned to work to several sympathy baskets, several stuffed squirrels that I kept in my closet at home, and invitations to play with the pets of my co-workers.

I’d accepted all the invitations, as only a fool said no to being able to play with animals. That some of the animals had been llamas had been weird and interesting, but I’d learned I liked the company of the long-necked beasts. “A llama could be fun.”

“In thepalace?” Olivia blurted.

I shrugged. “I mean, yes. We havetigers, Olivia. What’s a llama compared to that?”

“I was thinking more like maybe another squirrel, but Rachel’s face when you lead around a llama would also be priceless. You’re herratguy, not the summoner of the llamagheddon.”

“That’s only slightly better than ushering in the alpacalypse,” I informed her.

“But it would be a cute disaster. I bet we could source some four legged disasters and send them to New York. That would keep Rachel busy! And she’d be content you’re fine. If you’re feeling well enough to join us in making trouble, you’re obviously recovering.”

“I refuse to be a sheeple,” I stated, lifting my chin and maintaining my most dignified expression.

“Terry! What are you doing?”

“I am pulling the wool over your eyes, obviously.”

She gasped. “You are ruthlessly punning me. What did I do?”

“You started it. If you had not mentioned the llamagheddon, I would not have had to counter with the alpacalypse. You should know this by now, Olivia. I do not like to lose.”

“It must be the sickness. You must be still dying from pneumonia. This is not professional RPS Terry behavior. This is the working of some devil or demon.” Olivia turned her horse, lifted her hand to her ear, and said, “Sickly New Yorker is attempting to fell me with terrible puns. Where can I get an exorcist in this kingdom? Maybe two. This seems like a two exorcist level of crisis.”

I laughed at her tone, which indicated she was about to lose her mind over my departure from my normal cool demeanor. One or two more yanks wouldn’t hurt anything, would it? “I thought it was clear that I’m just goating you on at this point.”

The princess squealed. “You take that back, Mr. Terrance Oliver Pattens.”

“But I thought horsin’ around was part of rest and relaxation.” I mimicked one of her pouts when she didn’t get her way. “You had me foaled,” I added in my best Texas drawl.

She gasped. “You did not just do that, sir!”

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