Page 10 of Scarred Heart

I couldn’t ask the real question that sat on my chest like a lead weight.He wouldn’t have an answer, after all.He couldn’t see into the future.

Will I ever work again?Will I be a star?

I released a deep breath, watching the world pass outside the window.I knew at the time.In my heart, I knew damn well.There wouldn’t be any more acting, at least not the kind where I showed my face.There would be no more dreams of premiers, splashy magazine layouts, or fans screaming my name as I walked a red carpet.I wouldn’t be Hollywood’s next ‘It Girl.’If anything, it would be a cautionary tale of why you don’t get into a sports car with an irresponsible little shithead who never had to take life seriously or face the consequences of anything he’s done.

He couldn’t even apologize.That filthy, pathetic little coward.Was I under some level of delusion while we were together?I must have been.I couldn’t think of another reason why I would fall for his shit.

At least, that’s what I wanted to tell myself years later with the benefit of time and wisdom.It was easier to pretend I forgot what it was about him that made him irresistible, but that’s all it was.Pretend.

I wasn’t being fair to the girl I used to be, the one who passed up on a full scholarship in favor of trying to make it work in Hollywood.“Three years,” I told Mom and Dad as a fresh-faced, hopelessly starstruck kid.“Just give me three years.If I can’t make it work, I’ll find a way to get through school without the scholarship.But I know I can do this.I know I can build a career out there.”

I had been on my way to doing it too.It was so close I could almost taste it.Fame was just beyond my reach.Another part or two, a little more networking, and I would’ve had my big break.Or so I’d told myself for a long time after the accident.

That belief had festered in my soul, turning hard and bitter, eating a hole for me in the days immediately following the crash.When I first woke up to find nothing but excruciating pain gripping my head and face, I knew deep in my heart I was finished.That it was all over before it ever really began.That I would never see Spencer again.

I knew it even as that lawyer showed up with his damn contract and all his thinly-veiled threats about what would happen if I broke the agreement and reached out to the man who’d put me in the hospital.Who cared about promising never to contact him again when I already knew Spencer would never come back because what he had liked best about me was ruined?

Ruined by him.

It wasn’t like I hadn’t walked straight into my own destruction.

Well, I finally had closure.At least I could say that much for myself by the time the car exited the freeway and took the familiar route home.Funny how I couldn’t think of it any other way, even if I hadn’t lived here full-time in ages.This was the place that immediately came to mind when I thought of home.Not the apartment I’d been leasing for three years to be closer to the office and business-related events, but the little house in the valley where I had grown up and where everything that really mattered lived.

I felt stronger and more sure of myself as I climbed out of the car, thanking the driver.The only thing worth regretting about the evening was that I didn’t get to watch Spencer’s reaction as I left.Otherwise, I got the last word, and it was obvious he was thrown by my attitude.He deserved so much worse for throwing money at me and disappearing.

I made sure to leave my driver a generous tip, then traveled the walkway, which Mom always kept neat and free of weeds that might otherwise choke the cheerful little flowers she tended within an inch of their lives.The lights were on inside the house, and I heard the television as I stepped up to the front door, using my key to unlock it.

“I’m home,” I announced with a weary sigh as I walked into the living room.It would never make the cover of a decorating magazine, but the sight of overstuffed furniture and framed photos clogging up the walls brought peace to my soul.Photos of me through the years—the star of the high school shows, local productions, even one of me on the set of my first commercial.No parents were ever prouder, even if the commercial was for antiperspirants.

Something else caught my attention and held it.After eyeing the MacBook and texts lying open on the coffee table, I lifted my head at the sound of Mom’s approach from the kitchen.

“What are you doing here?“ she asked, confused but smiling.“We weren’t expecting you tonight.”

“I missed my girl.”Again, I looked at the classwork on the table.“Are we studying in front of the TV now?”

“She was doing a group project on Zoom, and I wanted her out here so I could listen in on the conversation while I cleaned the kitchen,” she explained, drying her hands on a flowered dish towel.“I didn’t recognize the car that dropped you off.Who was that?”

Eventually, my mother would have to get used to the idea of me being a grown woman.“An Uber,” I replied.“I left the car at the office tonight.I wound up meeting someone for a drink and thought it would be safer not to drive.”

That was as much as I would tell her.Not that she would recognize his name—I had never used it, not once.Even while we were dating, back when I entertained fantasies of a life in the spotlight and a future with Spencer, a playboy whose family money meant he lived in a completely different world.I had been so afraid of telling them about him.It all seemed so big and fraught with complications, and that was back before he ended my lifelong aspirations.The sort that left a parent paying for acting and dance lessons, not to mention forcing them to accept the idea that their little girl wasn’t going to take the typical path through life.How many people got a full scholarship and turned it down in favor of chasing a dream?

Her furrowed brow smoothed, and then she chuckled lightly.“Of course.My responsible girl.”

I wasn’t always so responsible, was I?Now, I wished I had told her his name back then so I could now tell her how he had insulted me at the bar, treating me like some second-class citizen, a mouth he needed to shut so I didn’t make things difficult for him.Poor baby.Was this the first difficulty he had ever come up against?

“Where is she?”I asked, sliding out of my stilettos with a grateful sigh.What a shame they made my legs look so good, considering they were torture devices.

“She went up to take a shower.”Mom returned to the kitchen, whistling softly.The sound followed me up the stairs, where I passed two closed bedroom doors and knocked on the last one at the end of the hall—my childhood room.Light streamed out from under the door, along with a telltale sound that left me smirking as I knocked louder.

“Just a second!”The sound of the video game cut out, then I heard, “Come in.”

I had to remind myself to fix my face as I slowly opened the door.Hannah was sitting cross-legged on the bed, her blonde hair hanging wet and loose around her face.She’d chosen one of my old school T-shirts to wear to bed, making her ten-year-old body look even smaller in comparison.There was a book open in her lap and everything.She was working hard to sell the lie that she’d been reading rather than playing a game.

“Hey, there,” I murmured with a smile.“Did you have a good day?”

“Mom!”She got up on her knees, arms outstretched, and I wasted no time wrapping mine around her.My heart calmed now that I had her close to me.I buried my nose in her clean and sweet-smelling hair.When I closed my eyes, I almost remembered her delicious newborn scent.I lost track of the many hours I’d spent soaking in that glorious sweetness.If only I could have bottled it.

She was clinging to me a little tighter than usual, worrying me as I stroked her hair.“So, how did it go at school today?”I asked, kissing her forehead and sitting on the bed.She joined me, and I absently picked up the brush from her dresser and began working on her hair.

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