Page 16 of Scarred Heart

Since when did she talk like a jaded reality show star?“You need to stop watching so much junk TV.”However, I did appreciate the compliment while pawing through makeup strewn across the marble vanity.If I didn’t calm down, I’d start sweating like a pig.Very unsexy.

“She doesn’t get that from TV.”My sister leaned into the room, giving Hannah a playful scowl.Lucky for me, she was able to babysit.“That’s the kind of stuff she and her friends say to each other all the time.”

There was nothing judgmental about the way she said it.I didn’t get the feeling that there was anything behind her words but the love of an aunt for her niece.Somebody who would drop everything to babysit on a Saturday night so her sister could make the questionable decision to go to dinner with the wrong man.Putting it mildly.

But dammit, that didn’t stop me from going stiff before I caught myself and let it go.“I can’t keep up with everything these kids say nowadays.And hearing myself say that, I feel old.”

“You don’t look old,” Hannah offered, closing the lid on the toilet seat and plopping down to watch me put on my makeup.

“You are my favorite daughter,” I told her, winking in the mirror.

“I’m your only daughter.”

“That was sort of the point.”I glanced toward my sister, and we shared a grin.We hadn’t always gotten along very well—not that we were at each other’s throats, but there was a phase where Rhiannon couldn’t stop comparing us.If I got something for my birthday, she wanted it for hers, that sort of thing.We needed an equal number of Christmas presents under the tree, the same number of people invited to birthday parties, the same model of bike.

It was an obsession with her for a long time until she finally grew out of it in high school.That was when she started coming into her own as a student, winning computer science fairs and making friends at tech camp.I was glad for her, especially since it gave her something to be interested in.Now, she was a kickass programmer.

It gave her something to feel proud of too.I always felt bad for the way Mom and Dad highlighted my victories much more than hers.I had asked them to lay off more than once, but they had gently laughed it off.Sometimes, it was possible to love somebody so much thatit could cloud judgment.

Hell, I knew that one from firsthand experience.

“So, who is the lucky guy deserving all this makeup and jewelry and everything?”Rhiannon asked, sizing me up while twirling a strand of hair a shade darker than mine around her finger.

“Nobody important.Really,” I added when she rolled her eyes.“It’s not a big deal.”

“I don’t know.What do you think, kid?”I caught her winking at Hannah in the mirror.

“It looks like you’re going out with somebody you like.”Hannah covered her mouth with her hand, eyes bulging.“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I don’t, and that’s the truth.You don’t have to be boyfriend-girlfriend with somebody to go out for dinner.It’s just somebody I used to know.”

“Somebody you used to know who is a boy?”she asked with more giggles.

“Maybe you’re the one who should go to law school,” I concluded with a groan that made my sister laugh.

“Come on, kid.”Rhiannon held out a hand.“Let’s go make some popcorn and find a movie to watch.Mom doesn’t feel like being honest with us.”

“Don’t make it about that!”I called out after them, not that it mattered.They were busy giggling together, acting like the best friends they were.

It made me happy to see them get along the way they did, like peanut butter and jelly, an unbeatable duo.I had nothing to complain about when it came to my relationship with Hannah.We were close.She loved me, looked up to me.There wasn’t any resentment, at least none that I noticed.She didn’t hold it against me that I spent so much of my time away from her.

Still, part of me mourned the time I had lost with her.I was in class the morning she took her first steps.Every day, I would come home to a new milestone, which my parents had enjoyed.It meant I was a bystander in my daughter’s life.All I could ever do was hope she would understand one day.

What some people might have called selfishness was a sacrifice almost too painful to describe.

I wasn’t getting anywhere by standing around, getting emotional.Spencer’s momentary return to my life had knocked me on my ass and left me thumbing through memories, both good and otherwise.Narrowing my eyes at my reflection, I lifted my chin in defiance.

It was dangerous to let myself indulge in the past.If I wasn’t careful, I might end up wishing for all the things my heart had longed for during those lonely times when I wondered what would happen when Hannah asked about her father one day.I used to dream about him, imagining him coming back into our lives.As much as I resented him for running away after the crash, I wanted him more, not only for her but for me.

Those days had passed, and any feelings I had for him went hard and cold until they weren’t anything more than the scars I now barely noticed.They had been part of me for so long, there were times I could forget about them, at least until I got one of those inevitable looks from a stranger.Sometimes full of pity, sometimes curiosity.

What did that girl do to herself?

I would’ve told them if they had the nerve to ask.It was simple.I made the mistake of falling in love with the wrong person, someone who didn’t have the balls to stay by my side after taking everything I ever wanted and crushing it under the wheels of his Lamborghini.

One thing was for sure.He would remember how good I looked tonight.I’d pulled out all the stops, from a trip to the salon with Hannah to an afternoon shopping trip where I picked up a new dress that looked like it was made for me.Sleek and black, the satin flowed like inky water over my breasts, down to my hips, and over the curve of my backside.I checked the knee-length hem, turning around to look at my back in the mirror.It was cut too low for me to wear a bra, baring more skin than I was comfortable with.

I felt sexy.When was the last time I let myself feel that way?Normally, I tried to tone down my looks a little, determined to be taken seriously.Now, I might as well have been Cinderella stepping into her pumpkin carriage as I strode down the hall of my corner apartment, heels clicking while the sound of laughter led me past the kitchen and into the living room.

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