Page 3 of Scarred Heart

So much came back.Not only that tragic night but the good times.When I took her to our vacation house in Malibu and promised to teach her to surf.It hadn’t gone well, considering we couldn’t stop screwing around in the surf long enough to focus.Riding the Ferris wheel on the Santa Monica Pier, laughing as she squealed when we got stuck at the top.And how had she paid me back for laughing?By letting me walk around the busy pier for at least an hour with melted ice cream on my chin, oblivious.I could hear her laughter over my pounding heart.

“Hello?”Lex snapped his fingers in front of my face.

I slapped his hand away without thinking about it, still staring at the blonde who’d stepped out of my past into the present.Look at me, dammit.I needed her to see me but would be damned if I begged for her attention.

“What the hell are you…oh.” There was laughter in my friend’s voice once he followed the direction of my gaze.“I know that look.You spotted somebody.”

I nodded, only half hearing him.Where the hell had she gone?The girl had disappeared off the face of the earth only to show up at the least likely moment.There were times when I had actually questioned whether she existed at all.Otherwise, why had it been so easy for her to vanish from my life?

“As always, you have a good eye,” Lex mused.

His laughter barely registered in my awareness.I was too focused on her, following her every movement, my heart jumping every time she turned her head far enough for me to get a glimpse of her profile.Her nose was different, I realized, and for some reason, the realization left me with a sinking sensation.The girl I knew had one of those perky ski-jump noses.She’d sworn it was natural, that she hadn’t had any work done, though people used to ask her about it all the time, wondering which plastic surgeon she’d used.

Still, I couldn’t take my eyes off her.“Do you know who she is?”I asked as she and the brunette sat at an otherwise empty table.Why was I asking?Maybe I didn’t want to believe it.Maybe it was easier back when I imagined her slipping out of the world the way she had slipped out of my life.Like we never mattered.

Or like we had stopped mattering because of me.That was the answer, it had always been.I’d carried it with me all these years.One of those deep-seated beliefs a man doesn’t have to devote conscious thought to.I didn’t have to give any prolonged thought to gravity, but the evidence of it was around me all the time.

“Yeah, I’ve seen her around town.She might be working with a girl who signed onto that new action movie we’re looking to release next summer.”Lex drummed his fingers along the table.“An entertainment lawyer.She focuses on young actresses, making sure they don’t get taken advantage of when they sign a contract.”

A lawyer?It was not the way I remembered things, but then a lot of water had passed under the bridge.I was hardly the person I used to be when we were together.Why wouldn’t she have changed?

“Commendable,” he mused, though he sounded bored when he said it.I understood why when he continued, “She’s a real pain-in-the-ass ball-buster when she puts her mind to it.Rumor has it she used to be an actress, so she knows what to look out for.”

Bingo.The word actress was all I needed to hear.“Is her name Rowan?”I asked, knowing the answer but needing confirmation as my heart threatened to smash through my chest.

He snapped his fingers in a eureka moment.“It is.Rowan McNulty?I think that’s it.”

I knew her as Rowan Leslie.Stupid ass.It was clearly a stage name she came up with for her acting career.People did it all the time.No wonder I couldn’t find her when I tried.After…

“Where are you going?”Lex asked when I stood and buttoned my suit jacket before downing what was left of my tequila.

“Where do you think?”I countered, dropping my phone into my pocket.It could have rung with a call from my office or Damian Fields himself, and I would’ve ignored it.Nodding in Rowan’s direction, I said, “You’re going to introduce me.”

“Since when am I your wingman?”he asked with a laugh.

It wasn’t about that, but there was no time to explain.I wouldn’t have known where to begin.He didn’t know about her.Almost no one did.“Would you do this without complaining?”I muttered while I waited for him to stop bitching and get off his ass.He did, though he continued grumbling.

Not that it mattered when my good sense battled it out in my head with questions more than a decade old.It would’ve been smarter to leave her alone.To forget I saw her and let her go on with her life.

2

ROWAN

“You’re doing fine.”I gave my latest client the most reassuring smile I could manage.The poor kid was shaking like a leaf and reminding me of hell a lot of myself around a decade ago.“Just be natural.Don’t try too hard to impress anybody.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” she reminded me with a tight little laugh.Penny Hargrove, all five feet ten inches of her, with a waterfall of inky hair that hung partway over her face.I used to wear my hair that way, then I said fuck it and cut it off.“You’re not the one trying to make a good impression on everybody in case somebody decides to give you a chance.”

Her hands trembled as she ran them over her thighs.The pale peach dress she wore played up her delicate complexion and big green eyes.I had recommended it with that in mind.“Remember what I told you when we first met?Do you remember when you first walked into my office?I told you why I do what I do.I remember what it was like.”

There it was, that quick, almost imperceptible glance.Her eyes shifted for just a second before darting away, but it was enough.I followed her gaze to the mirror, to the reflection I no longer recognized.I couldn’t ignore it, but after ten years and a lot of fading, the scars weren’t as noticeable as they once were.

There was a time when my entire world revolved around them.Were they getting fainter yet?Was there another brand of makeup that would cover them better?A hairstyle that would conceal them?

I was used to that glance and the obvious disbelief that went along with it.She was young, barely off the bus from her little no-name town in the Midwest.There were so many like her in a town practically built upon the discarded dreams of bright, beautiful young women.Hell, she didn’t even have an agent yet.It was because of that I took her on as a client.She might as well have been wearing a Little Red Riding Hood costume, walking through the big, scary woods while predators and cheats lurked around every corner, wondering how to take advantage of her.

“Remember,” I told her, glossing over the pointed look at my scars.“You’re here to make an impression.Nobody is holding a gun to your head.All you need to do is smile.”

“Maybe I can talk with Mr.Landry?”She rolled her shoulders back, lifting her chin, scanning the room.“I could thank him for putting me in the movie and make sure he knows how seriously I’m going to take the job.”The wide-eyed kid looked and sounded almost painfully sincere.

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