Page 49 of Scarred Heart

“So help me, God, Rowan,” I growled out, gripping the windowsill until my hands ached.“I’m not going to say it again without screaming.You need to go, and you need to make sure I do not see you again.Everything can be handled between our lawyers.I guess you’d better find one.”

“It.Wasn’t.Me.You’re going to regret this,” she whispered, footsteps heading for the bedroom door.“You stupid prick.You’re going to feel so sorry when you realize what you lost.I guess it’s easier for you this way.You can run away again without looking like a coward.”

“I told you to get the fuck out of my apartment!”It only felt good in the moment, screaming that way, bellowing out my rage, disappointment, and betrayal.Letting it all out only left room for other things to fill the void.Regret was the big one.

That got her moving, anyway.The next thing I heard was the slamming of my front door.I closed my eyes and drew a deep, shaky breath, fighting to control my nervous system before the panic and rage built to the point where I couldn’t contain them anymore.

There would be a way out of this.There had to be.Damage control—threatened lawsuits against the publications who ran the story.They couldn’t possibly have proof.I’d have someone read the articles for me since I doubt I could do it myself.Not without losing what little group I had on myself.

Behind me, the phone buzzed and buzzed.Instead of picking it up and opening Pandora’s box, I gave myself another minute to breathe.To grieve the fantasy I’d believed was real.

18

ROWAN

“Mom?”

“Hmm?”I looked down at my daughter, nestled against me on the porch swing.Her feet tucked up beside her, her book forgotten in my lap.I had lost track of how long we sat there together, with me rocking slowly, lost in my head.

“Are you ever going to go back to work?”

I had to chuckle even though my heart wasn’t in it.She had a way of getting right to the point.“Of course I will.Just not quite yet.”

“But it’s been, like, a week.Hasn’t it?”

Eleven days counting the weekends, but who was counting?I hadn’t been to the office since the Wednesday of my last dinner with Spencer.By now, the flowers were dead, along with everything else.

“People are allowed to take time off, you know.”I rocked the swing, wishing the motion would soothe me.“Everything will be fine.I’m still checking in with the office every day.Noelle knows she can reach me if there are any problems.I just… I need this time.”

“I’m sorry you’re sad.”Her head touched my shoulder again.“I wish I could make you happy.“

That was the most painful thing of all, hearing her say that.“I know how you feel because I always want to make you happy when you’re sad.But sometimes, there’s nothing you can do.Like right now, I have to get through my sad feelings and get back to life.And I will,” I promised.I just wish I knew how.

“Did you and Spencer break up?”

My God, she was determined to kill me.That was how it felt as I struggled to find the words.You couldn’t break up what had never started, but that wouldn’t help things.Instead, I told her the only thing I knew was true.“No matter what happens between me and Spencer, it won’t change how we feel about you.He’s not going anywhere.”Hell, he had even kept the bodyguards watching the house and the school.

“Yeah, but what about you?If he makes you sad?—”

“You have nothing to worry about,” I insisted, cutting her off before her sweetness made me sob.I had done enough of that.“It’s grown-up stuff.I know you don’t want to hear that, but it’s the truth.Everything will be okay in the end.I know that for sure.”

I checked the time on my phone.“Why don’t you go inside and get washed up for dinner?Maybe Grandmom needs a little help getting things together.”

“You can tell me you want to be alone.It’s fine.”She kissed my cheek, hopping off theswing and heading inside.“I’ll let you know when it’s time to eat.”

It was starting to look more and more like I was the child and she was the parent.I needed a little parenting, hence my reason for hiding out at Mom and Dad’s ever since that nightmare at Spencer’s last Thursday morning.

Nothing had changed in the ten days after.I had heard nothing from him.I followed the story online, the accusations that had been hurled at him.None of them mentioned me by name, which, of course, came as a relief, not for myself, but for Hannah.She already knew too much.She was too young for the specifics.

I had asked Mom and Dad right away if they had told anyone what I confessed.“You never told us his last name,” she’d reminded me.“How could we have gone to the press?And why would we?”She had looked so sad, so pained, the way I would if it was Hannah going through hell.“We wouldn’t hurt you that way, and we would never hurt Hannah.”

No, but sometimes things like this happened without a person realizing the toll it would take.That was why, instead of going inside, I waited on the porch for the person I knew would be joining us for dinner tonight at my invitation.

My phone read five forty-five when a familiar hatchback pulled up at the curb.I watched my sister climb out from behind the wheel.She noticed me right away.Did her steps falter?It looked that way, but then I might have been making it up in my head.Eventually, she reached the porch, eyeing me warily from the other end.

I had spent days mulling this over.Imagining all the things I would say to her.I had rehearsed this moment more thoroughly than I had ever rehearsed for a role.Yet, having her in front of me was a different story.All that flew out of my head, leaving behind the first thing that came to mind.“I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

Rhiannon blinked rapidly, her head snapping back.“Hi to you, too,” she muttered, looking me up and down.“You look like hell.”

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