Page 56 of His to Destroy

The way he wolfed down his dinner without fear for once, not constantly flinching at every sound, not sleeping with one eye open.

He's found stability here.

A sense of safety.

A home.

If I uproot him again—if I snatch that from under his feet because of my fear—what would that do to him?

Would he ever forgive me for it?

Would I ever forgive myself?

A lump rises in my throat.

Because the truth is, no matter how much I want to pretend otherwise, I’m still a Spadafora.

A living relic of a dead dynasty.

A survivor of sins too old and bloody to ever fully outrun.

As long as I draw breath, that curse follows me.

Maybe it always will.

And maybe Luca…

Maybe he’ll have to learn that one day too.

Learn that safety, for us, isn’t a place.

It’s a person.

And I’ll be his place of safety for as long as I live.

Today, I wake before Luca does.

A yawn escapes me, reminding me of how little sleep I got. Luca had come to my room at night as usual, getting into my bed and cuddling up to me while thoughts of the man who saved his life filled my head.

I’d brought him back to his room after he’d fallen asleep again. But on a second thought, rather than go back to my room with my thoughts, I sidled into bed with him. A change of environment or sleeping space would do me a world of good, even if just for a night.

Or so I thought.

The light pouring through the tall windows of his bedroom bathes everything in warm gold. But it doesn’t chase away the weight still sitting at the center of my chest.

I slip out of bed quietly and make my way to the balcony. The early breeze brushes against my skin like a whisper, and I wrap my arms around myself.

I feel like I’m standing at the edge of a cliff.

Below me is everything I used to be. Everything I used to believe. The girl who wore her heart too openly. Who thought a crush was something innocent and harmless.

And ahead of me? A fall. Or maybe flight.

But I don’t know which it’ll be yet.

And I don’t know if there’ll truly be anybody there to catch me.

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