Page 141 of Mafia and Gold Digger

I don’t know if he hears me, if he registers what I say. Or if he even cares. I don’t wait for his protest. I don’t wait for him to say anything.

I tell myself it’s for the best, that leaving now spares us both the crash and burn that awaits us down the road.

With every step down the hall, the ache in my chest grows more and more until it’s a crushing weight.

I pause just a moment, and my vision blurs with tears. Maybe, I think hopelessly, he’ll call me back. Ask me to stay. Tell me I’m wrong about us. About this baby. That it’s all worth fighting for.

But I know Saint.

And I know he’s never going to come for me.

And I know he’s never going to love me.

The air around me remains resolutely silent. And biting down on my lip as it quivers, I quickly make my way down the stairs.

I swear I hear a single footstep above me, a near imperceptible creak of the wood floor.

But then…

Nothing.

CHAPTERFORTY-ONE

SAINT

The house is dark and quiet once more. My hand trembles at my side, and I fist it tightly to stop the shake. My eyes are glued to the door which closed with the soft click before I could work out how to stop her.

I should have stopped her.

I should jog down the steps, yank her into my arms, and tell her she’s wrong.

But I don’t.

Because in the blink of an eye, the world around me shifts again, and I’m that five-year-old kid again, being swallowed up by the darkness. Alone and unwanted. Laughter echoes in my head. I swallow hard against the thoughts, shoving them down as far and as deep as I can.

I step toward the door and then stop. Eyes squeezing shut, I don’t move a muscle until I’m once more in control.

She needs air? What the hell does that mean?

I yank open the door and make it two more steps down the hall before reality comes crashing back onto me once more.

Pregnant.

Emerald is pregnant.

I stumble, bracing myself against the wall as the room tilts under me.

I’m going to be a father.

Her words ring in my head over and over again, joining the dark memories and doubt that suck me into some spiral of madness.

Dread and uncertainty swallow me whole. I squeeze my eyes shut and put my head in my hands. My heart is thumping like a drum in my chest, and I can’t shake the feelings, the emotions, that are clawing me into the depths of hell.

She’s gone.

I can feel the tremor in my hands as they drag through my hair. I suck in a deep breath through my nose.I’ve done this.

She’s out there doing God knows what because I pushed her.

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