Page 146 of Mafia and Gold Digger

“Because I needed…to feel in control.”

My fingers flex and itch to reach out to her, to show her she’s not alone. “Emerald.” I inhale deeply. I hate this. I hate that I’ve caused this look on her face. This thick wall of tension between us.

My eyes flicker over her and then to the side. To the chess set. “One game.”

Her brow furrows. “What?”

“A game.” I nod my chin behind her to the chessboard.

“Now? You want to play chess now?”

“Please, Em. One game.” I don’t know if it’ll help break through the tension between us or the way everything feels like it’s been turned upside down, but it’s worth a shot.

She sighs. “Fine. One game.” She pushes to her feet and sits in the chair with a sigh.

I move across the room and drop into my usual seat.

The silence between us is tense as she starts the game. Despite that, a sense of familiarity trickles over me, calming some of the anxiety threatening to choke me. I hate how out of control of the situation I’ve become.

I’m watching her, not the board, as she makes yet another move. “Do you really feel that way, Em?”

She looks up at me, flicking her hair back before she looks down at the board again. “What way?”

“That you won’t be an amazing mom?”

She knocks a piece over, and the wide eyes of her expression tell me she does in fact feel that way. She fixes the toppled piece and looks away. “Your turn, Saint.”

I only glance at the board before looking back at her. My piece slides across, but I’m only half playing. Emerald has my attention. “You know what you said isn’t true, right?”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it’s not,” I grit out.

She blinks. My words came out a little harsher than I intended, but I need her to understand just how amazing she is. How much she’s already doing without even trying.

“Your siblings are damn lucky to have you, Emerald. Milena is a teenager. She’s got a chip on her shoulder sometimes, but deep down, she knows she’d be lost without you. The other two adore you. You do it all without protest. Without complaint. Without thinking of yourself.” I can see she’s thinking about what I’ve just said, so I carry on. “And our baby is goddamn lucky to have someone as kindhearted, caring, and loving as you as their mom…”

My heart thunders in my chest—surely, this is what a heart attack feels like. Because the words I really need to say, the words that lodge in my throat, just won’t come. “You’re smart. Not just with this stuff.” I motion to the board. “But with everything. I meant it when I told you that. There’s not a damn thing in this world you can’t do if you set your mind to it. Giulietta and Milena both got that trait from you.”

She moves her piece silently, averting her eyes.

Again, the need to cup her cheek, to make her see what I’m saying is true, has my hand flexing around the edge of the board. “You’ve done so much for your siblings. I doubt there’s a line you won’t cross to ensure they have everything they need and more. And you’ll do the same for our baby…” The words drift off for a second as I clear my throat, trying to dispel the feeling in my chest. “Your siblings are damn lucky to have you. And I’m…damn lucky to have you too.”

Her eyes shine, but she grits her teeth as she pushes her piece into place.

Just fucking say it. Tell her what she means to you.

I open my mouth before letting it shut as I look down at the board. Even though I’m staring at the pieces, I’m not seeing them.

“Thank you…”

My head snaps up, and my brow furrows. “What?”

“For saying that stuff.”

“It’s not stuff, Emerald. It’s the truth.” Instead of yet another lie. I’m trying here, trying to be the man she needs me to be. If I can just break through this tension between us, then I’m halfway there. “Em, I…” But I can’t get out what I need to say.

“Finish the game, Saint.”

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