Page 84 of Mafia and Gold Digger

I spend the next twenty minutes searching the mansion. And I finally find him in a closet in one of the guest rooms. “We’ve been looking everywhere for you. What are you doing in there?”

He scowls at me. “Meditating.”

I take a deep breath and count to ten. He still hasn’t forgiven me for the Lucky Charms incident, and trying to win him over is an ongoing battle. “We need to leave. Now. Or we’re going to be late and miss our appointment. And if that happens, Emerald is going to be really mad at me.”

“Nuh-uh.” Jaspar swings his head from side to side.

“What about if I take you guys for donuts after?”

He narrows his beady little gaze at me. “Em wouldn’t like us doing that straight after the dentist.”

For Christ’s sake, he chooses now to care about his sugar consumption? “What about, um, if we take your crocodile with us?” I’m grasping at straws here, but Jaspar is attached to his crocodile stuffed toy almost as much as Giulietta is attached to her bear family.

The little boy scowls at me. “Why would we do that?”

“Because, er, crocodiles have to look after their teeth as well.”

And all of a sudden, Jaspar perks up with a grin. “Yeah, crocodiles have to keep their teeth nice and sharp.”

“Um, exactly,” I murmur.

“Okay!”

And with that, we’re finally on our way to the dentist. But because Jaspar is bringing his crocodile, Giulietta insists that her entire bear family has to come as well. Then there’s an argument about which stuffed toy gets to sit in the front seat next to me—as if that really matters. But Giulietta isn’t one to back down when it comes to her bears, and she’s just as protective over them as Emerald is over her siblings.

So, here I am, my car crammed with two kids and God knows how many stuffed toys, on my way to the dentist. All the fluffy bears and other animals surrounding me mean that as well as feeling like daddy daycare, I’m also starting to feel like a fucking zookeeper.This. This is why I don’t do fucking favors. It’s one time only, I remind myself. It’s just to help Emerald out.

I keep checking my watch. Shit, we’re going to be late. Emerald told me it took ages to get this appointment as the dentist is always really booked up, plus Jaspar has a loose filling that really needs to be looked at, so if we miss the appointment, she’s not going to be happy. Fucking Christ and all the saints, getting the kids out the house and to wherever they need to go is way harder than organizing an assassination—no amount of meticulous planning could cover every eventuality these kids have just put me through. They’re so…unpredictable. And I like everything in my life to be precise, ordered, and under control.

We’re late getting to the dentist, and I have to plead with the old bat of the receptionist for the dentist to see us. I think everything’s going to be okay when she finally agrees to fit us in. Giulietta has her teeth checked by the dentist with no issue. But when it’s Jaspar’s turn, he folds his arms across his chest and point-blank refuses to get in the chair.

I beckon the dentist, Dr. Richard, outside the examination room so that I can talk to him. “You’ve got to pretend Jaspar is a crocodile and then tell him crocodiles have to keep all their teeth nice and healthy so that they can eat people up.”

Dr. Richard looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. “I don’t do stuff like that.”

“Why not?” I snap.

“I’m a medical professional,not a children’s entertainer or a party clown.”

I glare at him, lifting my jacket and showing him the weapon I’m carrying. “You’ll fucking do it if you want to stay alive.”

His eyes go as wide as saucers, and his face blanches. “You’re not…er…allowed to bring weapons in here…”

“Do you think I fucking care? And you better make it all goddamn believable, or you’ll regret the fucking day you were born, got it?”

He takes a huge gulp of air and nods frantically.

With that settled, I straighten my jacket, and we head back into the room.

“What was that about?” Jaspar asks with narrowed eyes. “Were you talking about me?”

I clear my throat. “I was just telling Dr. Richard that you’re a crocodile and have lots of teeth that you want to keep sharp.”

Jaspar grins. “Yeah, that’s right! I’m a scary crocodile.” And he starts making snapping motions with his hands.

The stupid dentist still isn’t joining in, and I’m beginning to lose patience with the uptight jerk. I send him a scary smile and start to reach for the gun in the holster under my jacket.

Dr. Richard’s eyes widen. “My, Mr. Crocodile, what a lot of, er, sharp teeth you have...” His voice comes out in a panicky squeak.

---