Page 23 of Heart of the Sun

The plane rose, and then leveled out, and though it was a small aircraft, the ride to cruising altitude was mostly smooth.

It was a beautiful day, the sky powder blue and dotted with silver-tinged clouds. I felt strangely free, as if all my problems were still on the ground, and up here, I was onlyme, completely washed clean of all I’d left behind.

Part of me wanted this flight to last forever. Nothing would take away what I did or who it affected, but racing through the clouds, it felt as though none of that existed. As if I’d never fucked up anything. As if I didn’t have a past that would be a proverbial manacle for the rest of my life. I’d been somewhat unwilling to “go there” in my head as of late when there were more pressing matters to address—namely, the ability to eat—but I knew I’d have to, eventually. I knew Ishould, eventually. But up here, the temporary sensation of freedom felt more than welcome.

I sighed, glancing over at Emily, and her eyes widened slightly as though whatever was on my face had surprised her. She gave me a small, wobbly smile.

Charlie said something to her, and she leaned into him, laughing softly and then taking his hand in hers, squeezing it. I turned toward the window again, removing my paperback from the pocket on the wall and cracking it open. For the next couple of hours, I buried my nose in my book, tuning out the soft murmurs and occasional laughter from Emily and Charlie.

“Darn, I left my lip gloss in my purse,” I heard Emily say from next to me. “My lips always get so chapped on flights.”

“Do you want me to grab it for you?” Charlie asked.

Emily unbuckled. “No, it’s fine. I’m right here. I think my purse is near the front.” She stood, opening the overhead bin, her ass in my face as she began rustling through the bags overhead. I dog-eared the page I’d stopped on and placed the book on the seat next to me.“Shoot,” she said just as a number of items fell to the floor and rolled beneath my seat. I leaned down to start gathering them.

Emily bent too, and our heads bumped, both of us letting out a sound of surprise, and then laughing as we pulled back.

“Sorry,” we both said at the same time. She laughed again, shaking her head and picking up a bag that was at her feet. It must have been upside down because as she lifted it, a pile of small baggies fell out, fluttering to the ground.

Emily gasped, squatting and bending toward the contents. “What is this?” she asked, her hand hovering over what I could now see were baggies of pills and powders.Oh shit.Charlie had brought the drugs I’d heard him discussing aboard this flight. And the shocked look on Emily’s face answered any questions I might have had about her knowledge of Charlie’s drug use.

Charlie had finally leaned forward to see what all the commotion was, and when he caught sight of the baggies, I saw the panic that altered his features. “Whatisthis?” Emily asked, waving her hand over the scattered contents.

I met Charlie’s eyes just as he masked the panic that had quickly flared. He tilted his head, appearing very suddenly baffled. “Tuck,” he said, “answer her question. What is this? Are you dealing?” he asked, gesturing to the baggies still littering the floor.

I jerked my head back and then came to my feet. “Are you kidding me? You know very well those are yours.”

“What?” Emily said, her voice rising an octave as she too rose. “That’s not possible. Charlie isn’t into drugs. He’d have nothing to do with them.” She looked so distraught, clearly very upset by the mere idea of her perfect boyfriend having anything to do with illegal substances. As she should be. But he wasn’t only a drug user, he was a blatant liar.

Charlie stood up and put his hand on her arm. “Emily, babe,you know I’d never be involved with drugs in any way. I don’t even drink alcohol.”

I reached up, massaging my jaw. Charlie shook his head as he regarded me, the look of disappointed sorrow on his face almost making me question his guilt. Hewasan actor after all. “Tuck though, well, his history speaks for itself.”

“You piece of shit,” I said, taking a step toward him as I realized he was really going to go with this angle.

Emily reached up and placed her palm on my chest. “Stop it,” she said. “You are not going to physically intimidate Charlie.”

“Physically intimidate? He’slyingabout me.”

Charlie made a sound of disgust in his throat. “Please. I have no reason whatsoever to lie about you.”

A scorching flame of anger ignited inside me. His lies sounded sincere. The innocent expression on his face looked genuine. And worst of all, even I knew that it made more sense that someone like me was involved in drugs.

But Emilyknewme. At least she’d known me once.

But she also knew what I became.

I felt a bead of sweat drip down my spine. This was not just some silly accusation. Possession of this many illegal drugs was a felony. Charlie was making an accusation to get himself out of hot water with his girlfriend, but to me, this was life or death. If they went to the authorities and they were believed, I could go back to prison. “Emily,” I said. She turned her face toward me. “I’m not a part of that world anymore.” I looked at Charlie, shooting daggers at him.

A tear coursed down Emily’s cheek. “I get you needed the money, Tuck, but—”

“That. Is. Not. Mine,” I said. It felt like frustration and fear had me in a chokehold. The plane gave a little bump and Emily took a small step toward me. “Em,” I said, trying to appeal to that part of her hopefully still there. My friend. The one who might know I’d made some really bad mistakes, and that I’d run with a rough crowd,but that I’dneverlet someone else take the fall for me. “You know me better than that.” I met her eyes. “I’m not that person.”

“Oh please,” Charlie inserted again. “You’re exactly that person. You’re afelon.Emily, come on, he served time. It’s part of the lifestyle.” He met my eyes. “She gave you a second chance, and this is how you repay her?” He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. “Sorry to say, but this was obviously a bad idea, babe.”

My blood simmered, temperature rising. I was thirty thousand feet above the earth where it’d seemed that, for a short time, I’d left all my problems behind. But that wasn’t true. It’d never be true.

Still, I tried one more time. “Look at me. I’m not lying.”

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