Page 67 of Heart of the Sun

Charlie stood and headed toward the water, and I followed Kelvin out the back door and around the building to the row of toilets. I did my business, deciding that despite the appreciation for the toilet paper, I preferred the outdoors to a smelly, windowless cube.

It’d made me think, again, of the prisoners locked in dark cells, my mind reeling to all the people who were probably trapped right now. Coal miners in lightless caverns under the earth…families on tiny cars at the peak of a roller coaster ride… I gasped out a breath and stumbled toward the light.Stop, Emily. Stop.

There was a table set up with a number of bottles of hand sanitizer and I doused myself liberally, the sharp scent of alcohol serving to still my careening thoughts. I pulled in deep breaths, calming as I stared up at the yellow moon, nestled in the deep-purple sky, a light breeze lifting the hair around my face.

When I reentered the building, my eyes landed on Tuck, who was looking my way. His shoulders seemed to lower subtly, and I wondered if he’d been tense while I was out of his sight. I felt a small tickle between my ribs and raised my hand as though I could scratch it from the outside. A hand latched on to my arm, and I startled, looking up to see Charlie. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he said, glancing around. “I just talked to a girl over there.” He surreptitiously pointed to a pretty blonde teen chatting near the door. “She recognized me too.” He flashed me a self-satisfied grin. “Get this. Her dad has a classic car collection and she’s thinking about taking off. Her parents were in Asia when this happened, and obviously didn’t make it home. Anyway, her house caught fire and that’s why she’s here, but the garage is untouched. Em.” He reached out and moved a piece of hair off my cheek. “She said she’s willing to head west and we could go with her.”

“Charlie, I’m not leaving here with some random girl who barely looks old enough to drive.”

“She’s nineteen. And she’s got a good head on her shoulders. You should hear the way she recites my film lines from memory…”

Charlie droned on, my gaze going to his mouth as it moved but my brain tuning out the sound, his face blurring as my mind wandered. Instead, I pictured Tuck dragging Russell’s body from the burning plane, that vision morphing into him bandaging my wound, and then gently examining Brent’s arm. More memories danced through my mind, one after another… Tuck fighting the man on the buggy in order to save us, returning with food gathered in whatever way was necessary, ministering to Isaac’s injury. I clenched my eyes shut, shame engulfing me, Charlie’s useless drivel continuing on and on and on.

Suddenly my whole body felt hot, like I was boiling inside, and I had this urge to dig my fingers into his eye sockets and watch that fake expression crumble. My balance wobbled and for a moment a weird silence filled my head before reality came crashing back.

Tuck, Tuck, Tuck.Tuck hadn’t cared about the drugs on that plane, certainly hadn’t tried to dash back into the fiery cabin to retrieve them, clearly only concerned with collecting items that would ensure our survival. Tuck had only shown bravery and kindness and heroism on this journey where everyone’s real nature revealed itself. He’d proved his character moment after moment in every high-stress situation imaginable.Charliewas the one who’d been selfish and weak and mostly uninterested in the suffering of others.

What I’d learned was that when push came to shove,Charlie looked out for number one.

I felt like I’d swallowed a razor blade, and it was moving slowly through my system. It was so clear to me now, and I wondered how I’d ever been so blind.

“Charlie,” I said, cutting him off midsentence as his face came back into focus. “Those were your drugs.”

He paused as if going over my words once and then again. “What? What are you accusing me of?”

“Don’t try to lie, Charlie. I already know.”

His expression became placid, and he blinked in that way that he did when acting the part of the wrongly accused. “What is it you think you know, Emily?”

“Stop. Enough. Enough lies.” I glanced over at Tuck, who was watching us across the space. Even from here I could tell he was tense. I knew he’d spring up and rescue me if I so much as gave the smallest indication I needed him.Allhe’d done since we’d started on this journey was help others and rescue those being victimized in ways few others would. Tuck hadn’t dealt drugs that would hurt people and maybe even kill them, and he certainly hadn’t lied and blamed his own sins on Charlie. The very idea seemed ridiculous now. Whatever Tuck’s mistakes, he didn’t purposely hurt others, and he took responsibility for his misdeeds.

And me? I was a blind fool who’d fallen for Charlie’s lies.

Charlie ran a hand through his greasy hair, pausing as if deciding whether or not to be truthful. His expression was so earnest, the one I’d seen on the screen so many times, the one that made him look both innocent and wise. But he’d been acting then, and he was acting now. Charlie was a good actor, but not as good as he thought he was. “Okay, listen, Emily. You know the pressure of being a star as big as me. It’s so damn intense. Sometimes I feel like the world’s on my shoulders.” He looked off to the side, and then met my eyes, beseeching. “And yeah, so I took the edge off with a few pills. All those crowds, the legions of fans screaming my name, the expectations to beonevery minute of every day.” He let out a staggered breath as if releasing all his pent-up stress. “But all that’s in the past. If this last week has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t need that stuff. Maybe it took this situation for me to realize how strong I really am.”

I gaped, almost tempted to laugh. If I wasn’t trembling with anger and shame, I might have. “Strong? You think you’restrong? You’re the weakest man I ever met. You threw Tuck under the bus and blamed him for whatyoudid. My God.” I put my palm to my forehead. “You were willing to watch Tuck go back to prison rather than take responsibility for those drugs. He called you out and youstillcontinued to lie.” I felt nauseous at the thought of what might have happened if our plane hadn’t gone down, if we’d landed and I’d watched as Charlie reported Tuck for the drugs Charlie knew very well were his. But Charlie wasn’t the only one to blame. Yes, he had fooled me, but I’d let myself be fooled. And maybe, in some sense, it had been easier for me to believe Tuck was now a bad person, because otherwise, I’d have to admit my deep, and apparently unrelenting, attraction toward him. Not that any of that even mattered now. The point was, Charlie was a dishonorable, lying dick and it was over between him and me. “How could I ever look at you the same way again, Charlie? You make me sick. When we get back, we’ll go our separate ways.”

Anger flashed in his eyes, another crack in his armor. “Jesus, Emily. You’re making too much of this. None of that even matters. Those drugs are now ash in some field. No one’s going back to prison. Just let it go.”

But I couldn’t because it wasn’t the drugs themselves, it was his character I wanted no part of. If he could do that, what else was he capable of?“Tuck is going to help us get back to California, despite the fact that you lied about him and blamed him for what you did.”

“You’re the one who fired him.”

His words felt like a punch because they were true. I had. I’d fired Tuck based on lies. I’d believed Charlie even though Tuck had begged me not to and I felt overwhelming guilt now because of that. “You’re right, I did. I should have seen through you, and I didn’t. I take responsibility for that.”

Charlie huffed. “Whatever. Listen, they have cots set up for us next door, including a locker and some clothes. I’m wiped and we’re both saying things we don’t mean. I’m going to get out of this bullshit—” he pointed down to his dirty outfit and disgusting shoes “—and get some sleep.” He leaned toward me. “Think about what I said, Emily. We can start fresh. Leave him behind and get back on track. I know we can.”

“Not a chance. Good night, Charlie.”

He paused but then turned and walked away.

I began strolling along the far wall, just needing to move for a few minutes before I faced Tuck again. How was it that he didn’t despise me? Or…well, maybe he did, and if so, he had every right to. I flashed back to that moment on the plane, the way his eyes had beseeched me, the words he’d used.You know me, Em.And I felt even sicker.

And yes, I did know Tucker Mattice. Or I had. He was the boy who’d broken my heart. And all these years, all this time and it still wasn’t completely healed. It still ached for him. And I’d do anything to make that stop.

Had I believed Charlie’s lies in part due to self-preservation? Had I wanted to think Tuck was capable of unforgivable misdeeds because it was easier for me?

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