Page 69 of Heart of the Sun

At the sight of her lingering smile, my heart did a strange dip and swerve. I swore she could see it on my face, the way she slayed me, the way she always had.Dammit.In a way, I wanted to continue feeling disdain and disappointment for who she’d become. I wanted to keep those feelings in place because underneath them was the deepest attraction I’d ever felt for any woman and the knowledge that I’d loved her my whole life, and no matter what she did or who she was with, I always would.

I turned, walking on legs that felt slightly shaky all of a sudden, and not because of the mind-boggling topic Hosea and I had been discussing—one that I hoped wasn’t true but that was terrifying all the same. I headed out the door and took in a lungful of air. There was, frankly, so much to feel shaky about. That had been true before we arrived here, and it was even more true now that I’d spoken to Hosea and learned the scope of the overall situation. And yet, for some inexplicable reason, it was meeting Em’s eyes across a room that had swept the rug out from under me.Fuck.

I wandered over to a picnic table and sat down. The night was chilly but not cold, and this spot was blocked by the side of the building, so it was comfortable. I needed the fresh air to clear my head, or my heart, or whatever it was that was making me feel so damn dazed.

“Are you hiding out here or can I join you?”

I looked up to see Emily, her coat pulled around her as she stood at the corner of the building.She glanced behind her and gestured. “I can go if—”

“No, don’t go. I was just taking a breather.”

She approached the table and sat down. “A breather. Yeah, it’s nice, isn’t it? Just a few hours where we don’t have to worry about food or safety. I almost forgot what that felt like.” She looked up at the star-filled sky. They were still clear here, but not as clear as they’d been in the unlit blackness of the places where we’d made camp along the way. She closed her eyes for a moment. “The air feels nice.”

I let my eyes linger on her profile, her skin luminous in the moonglow. After a moment she sighed, opened her eyes, and looked at me. “I’m sorry, Tuck.”

“For what?”

“For believing Charlie’s lies. For firing you when you didn’t deserve it. You asked me to trust you and I turned away.”

A lead weight dropped in my stomach, even as my heart lifted. I hadn’t expected that. “He…admitted it? About the drugs?”

“Only after I confronted him and broke it off. When we get to California, we’ll be going our separate ways.”

I didn’t want to acknowledge the swirl of happiness at that news, but there it was. “What made you realize Charlie was lying?”

“Well, let’s see, maybe the fact that you’ve gone out of your way to help people for the last week in every way you possibly could, sometimes to your own detriment, while Charlie’s first priority is obviously himself. I should have listened to you. I should have at least heard you out. I’m so,sosorry.”

I scratched at the back of my neck. Okay, yes, I was still hurt that she hadn’t believed me, even after I’d begged her to. And I could also admit that part of my hurt was that she’d chosen Charlie over me. But could I blame her completely? “I made mistakes.People are going to judge me for those. I understand. I have to carry that.”

She reached out and put her hand over mine on the table, the warmth of her skin causing my stomach to tighten. “That’s the thing, Tuck. You get to start over. You’re so needed right now, not just by me, but by so many people. I… I wouldn’t blame you if you sent me off on my own from here.”

I squinted at her. “I made a commitment to you.”

She bobbed her head and slid her hand away. I immediately missed the soft press of it on mine. “I know, but like Hosea said, this is a fluid situation and—”

“I’m getting you home, Em, and that’s that.”

Her gaze ran over my face as though searching for something. “Okay. Thank you.”

I looked over her shoulder. “Where’s Earthquake Man anyway?”

“He left to get new clothes and shoes and go to bed. I don’t think we’re going to talk a lot on the remainder of this journey.”

“Sounds awkward.”

She made a sound of agreement in the back of her throat. “You seem to have perfected the art of ignoring him, so I’ll just take your lead.”

We sat there in companionable silence for a moment before she tilted her head and looked at me, pausing for a moment before she asked, “Will you tell me about it, Tuck? What were you convicted of?”

I felt a stab of shame, stomach twisting. But she’d just humbled herself and apologized to me. It didn’t feel right not to answer her. “I did a lot of stupid shit when I moved to my uncle’s, Emily. I was grieving. My mom, the loss of Honey Hill.”You. Everything I held dear to my heart. All gone.“I wanted to lash out at anyone and everyone.”

“I remember,” she said softly, and I heard the hurt in her voice.

I met her gaze. “I never lashed out at you.”

She looked away so I couldn’t see her eyes. “No, you didn’t.”

I paused, sensing something unsaid, but then she looked back at me, her expression placid. “Anyway, none of it is any excuse, but I’m just trying to set the scene. When I moved to LA to live with my uncle, I fell in with other guys like me, ones who felt cut off from their families, or ones who had no family at all. In some ways, it was me rejecting everything I’d been before. If that life was no longer mine, then I’d make a new one—be someone completely different than the Tuck I’d always been. So, me and these guys, we banded together. We drank. We partied. We stole cars. It was a challenge to get them running in seconds.”

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