Page 77 of Heart of the Sun

“I was a corporate executive, and Tom worked in finance.”

“Wow. You really did live the rat race.”

“Oh, we were deeply entrenched in the rat race. We were rich by most standards. Young and fashionable. We were invited to all the right parties. We wore all the best brands. And we were miserable, numbed out on pills, and on the verge of divorce.”

“So, you decided to give it all up and move out here in the hopes of saving your marriage?”

“In a nutshell. It wasn’t just our marriage that needed saving though. It was we as individuals. We had everything society had told us would make us happy, and yet we were miserable.Why?What were we missing? We needed to figure it out. And then I listened to this radio show about a couple who moved to Maine and bought a blueberry farm,and they seemed so happy. At peace in a way I’d never known anyone to be. The next day, I looked up farms for sale and this one was listed by an older couple with no children who had decided to retire and downsize. Pumpkins, I thought. Pumpkins it is.”

“Just like that?”

She smiled. “If you understood the depth of my misery, you would understand the lack of fear. The decision was made in desperation, but it’s been the best thing we ever did.”

I took that in, not as surprised as I might have been had I heard the same story a few weeks ago, especially in light of what I’d been thinking about regarding happiness and gratitude and taking simple pleasures for granted.

Jane and I were both quiet for a few minutes as we sipped our wine. I stared at Tuck, deep in conversation with Tom as they now stood nearby, Tom pointing into the distance. Tuck wavered through the flames, his shifting form somehow making him all the more beautiful.

“He’s very handsome,” Jane said. I glanced at her to see her eyes on Tuck right before she gave me a smile.

“We grew up together,” I said, turning my gaze back to him. Funny how his form was still familiar to me even though he’d grown from a teen to a man in the time we’d been apart. He still had that particular stance though, and he still cocked his head just so when he was focusing on something. Or someone. “I used to watch him through windows like this when I was a little girl.” I’d had such adeepcrush on him.

“You’re a beautiful couple.”

“Oh. No. No. We’re just…friends,” I settled on. Was that the right description of our relationship? Yes, yes, I thought so. We’d grown closer in the past few days, an understanding developing between us, forgiveness being sought by both.

“Oh. Really?” She frowned. “I didn’t get that impression. You seem…close. He watches you constantly.” As if he knew we were talking about him,or to prove Jane right, Tuck glanced over, his eyes finding mine.

“Tuck and I are complicated.”

She took a drink of wine. “Situations like the one we’re in tend to clarify things rather quickly.”

I let out a breathy laugh. “Maybe. Or maybe things just get more muddled.” I took a sip of wine as well and looked back over at Tuck, the fire crackling between us making him seem like nothing more than a memory. “You know how you think that if your childhood crush showed up, you’d realize he was just that and nothing more?” I murmured. “And you even think that maybe you had really bad taste back then that has nothing to do with the woman you became?”

Jane smiled. “Yeah. Sure, honey. It’s usually true. I used to have a thing for the Karate Kid. He was it. He was the goal.”

I laughed, but it turned into a sigh. “But then, you see the boy you used to dream about, and even though you’re years older and everything about you has changed, and even though you’re in a town full of the most beautiful people on the planet earth, he still makes you feel the same way you did back then—even more—and part of you hates it so much, and part of you doesn’t at all.”

I glanced over at Jane, but instead of looking sad for me, she was smiling. “I wouldn’t be so quick to hate that. If the way he looks at you is any indication, he feels the very same way.”

I practically stumbled up the stairs behind Tuck an hour later after Jane and I finished every last drop of the bottle of wine. I wasn’t exactly drunk, but I was plenty tipsy. Tuck set the candle Jane had lit for him on the dresser and I fell onto the bed and let out a moan of pleasure. “Beautiful mattress,” I whispered. “I love you.”

Tuck gave me a crooked smile, sitting on the edge of the bed and removing his shoes. Then he placed them by the door and sat down on the floor where I now saw he’d rolled out his sleeping bag.I came up on my elbow. “Tuck, you don’t need to sleep on the floor. There’s plenty of room in this bed.”

“It’s fine, Emily. I’m good down here.”

“Oh shut up. We’ve been walking for a week and sleeping on the ground. I’m not going tonotshare this bed. If you sleep on the floor, I will too in protest of you giving up a mattress, which is just dumb. No martyrs allowed.”

“I wasn’t being a martyr. I was being polite.”

“You? Polite? Please. Why make such a drastic change to your personality now?”

“Funny.” He still looked a little torn but stood and walked to the bed and sat down. “Are you sure?”

I patted the pillow next to me and scooted over. “Very.”

He lay down, a sigh escaping his lips. We both got under the covers, and I turned his way. The moon was shining in through the open window above us, the candlelight flickering and again, I felt vaguely like I was in a waking dream, the blurriness of the wine only enhancing the sensation. I let my gaze move over the beautiful proportions of his profile. I itched to reach out and run my finger over his brow and nose, down to his chin and jaw, outlining the movement of my gaze. He turned his head and looked at me, our gazes catching and though I felt plenty woozy, I still felt the charge that sparked in the air.

I got the sense that his muscles had tightened slightly but couldn’t say how I knew. A subtle shift maybe, or something else I was too tipsy to distinguish. What I did know was that the almost indiscernible movement of his body made my own respond. My nipples pebbled and a distant throbbing took up in my blood, made heavy and slow by the alcohol.

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