Page 35 of Shenanigans

God, did I want to knock that smirk off Dutch’s face. “My rate is fifty dollars per hour.”

Dutch threw his head back and laughed like that was the funniest thing he had ever heard.

Chapter Eleven

“Well, if it isn’t Detective Callaghan,” a sultry voice said.

Dutch stiffened, and all expression was wiped from his face. His hand clamped painfully around my left arm as he pulled me to a stop.

Huh? The stoic cop was back. I turned to see who had this effect on him. An anorexic blonde with 40EE boobs, bee-stung lips and way too much makeup stared at him hungrily. If she wanted to emulate that actress with all those kids, she had failed miserably. Bee-stung wasn’t quite the right description. It looked more like a severe allergic reaction and she needed to see a doctor immediately.

If she breathed too deeply the buttons on her too tight red silk blouse were gonna pop off and put someone’s eye out. Her over-processed hair sprung out from her head in a tangled mess.

“You’re violating the restraining order Natasha,” Dutch said, pure steel in his voice.

Natasha fluttered her eyelashes like she had something in her eye. “Aren’t you going to introduce me to your littlefriend?”

“No. Leave. Now.”

“Did you tell her about us?” There was a malevolent note in Natasha’s voice.

Us? I stared at Natasha in amazement. Her aura was a muddy forest green with touches of black. She was lying and wanted to create ill-will.

I chuckled. “Have you always been a big, fat liar?”

“You stupid bitch!” Saliva spewed from Natasha’s mouth. “We were lovers.”

“Leave now or I’ll have you arrested,” Dutch snarled.

“The only one getting arrested, is you.” Natasha ripped her shirt open, exposing her humongous boobs. “Help! He’s attacking me. Someone please help me.”

Dutch pulled the police radio off his belt. “This is Two David Twenty, I need a patrol officer at the north entrance of 620 West Washington for a disorderly subject.”

“Copy Two David Twenty,” the dispatcher responded.

Natasha screamed loud enough to raise the dead. “Rape! He’s trying to rape me. Help! Help me!”

“Dear God, give it a rest. Detective Callaghan would rather cut his pecker off than do you,” I interjected.

Dutch muttered, “You got that right.”

Natasha stopped screaming and turned her furious gaze on me. “You don’t have the right equipment to keep a man like him.”

“Honey, have you looked in the mirror lately? Your breasts are lopsided, and your butt implants are sagging,” I shot back.

With a shriek of pure rage, Natasha launched herself at me.

“Dammit Natasha!” As Dutch jerked me out of the way, I kicked out, knocking Natasha off her feet. She fell face first into a thorny bougainvillea bush. Whoops.

“Nice move,” Dutch said.

“Why, thank you.” I noticed a flock of pigeons roosting in the trees overhead and commanded,“Shit her.”

Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat! Splat!

Within a minute, pigeon poop covered Natasha from head-to-toe. She struggled to free herself from her thorny prison. “Help me! Help me!”

Dutch grinned in delight. “Are you dating anyone?”

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