Page 61 of Shenanigans

“Consider me your chaperone,” Dad said firmly.

I rolled my eyes. Once Dad made up his mind, nothing changed it. “Are you coming Jana?”

“I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”

Ho. Ho. Ho.A red Chevy Malibu with antlers and a Rudolf nose drove up the drive.

Dutch chuckled. “The horn plays Christmas music?”

“It does.” I glared at my Dad. “You just had to call Mom?”

“You know how she gets,” he answered.

Boy, did I.

The Malibu pulled to a stop. Mom jumped out wearing her favorite Elf outfit, complete with red, green and white stripped leggings and curly toed shoes. “My sweet baby girl.” She embraced me in what I called her octopus squeeze. “Who did this to you?”

I patted her back. “I’m fine. I’m fine. Dad knows who he is.”

“Girl, you’re so hot if you had to enter the Arctic Circle, you would cause a melt-down,” a deep, raspy voice said.

Jana yelled in outrage, “You little pervert, quit humping my leg.”

“Knock it off Edgar or I’ll have Dad shoot you,” I snarled.

Dad grabbed Edgar by the back of his Elf tunic and lifted him high in the air. “You’re fired. You have sixty seconds to get off this property.” Dad gave him a hard shake. “Do you understand me?”

“Yes, sir.”

Dad dropped Edgar next to Dutch and smirked. “Your competition.”

The detective stared down at Edgar who barely topped his knees. “Tick tock.”

Edgar bolted.

“He’s fast for a little guy,” Jana commented.

I watched him disappear down the street. “Fear is a good motivator.”

Mom surveyed Dutch from head-to-toe. “You single?”

“I am.”

“Mom,” I protested.

Dad added, “He’s a homicide dick.”

“Oh,” Mom sighed. “Too bad. You’re so pretty.”

“If you want to cancel our date Dutch, I’ll understand.” I gave my parents the evil eye.

Mom perked up. “Date? Where are we going?”

“Hilberto’s,” Dad supplied.

“I love their tamales.” Mom got into Dad’s extended-cab truck. “Well? Let’s go.”

Dad motioned at us. “You heard the woman, let’s go.”

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