Page 85 of Baby for my Daddy's Best Friend

“I miss him even more now,” I admit.

Pregnancy hormones are to blame for that. We haven’t talked or seen each other since the day I told him I was leaving, and yet I feel an even stronger bond with him, having his baby growing inside me.

“He might miss you too. But you’ll never know if you don’t reach out.”

I exhale a sharp sigh. “I wouldn’t even know how to talk to him without breaking down.”

“Who says you have to do it this minute?” Laurie raises her eyebrow. “Take a few days, think over it. But ultimately, you know it would be best to tell him. It would be the right thing.”

Her words stay with me all day.

The further ahead I get in my pregnancy, the more I think about what would happen if I raised this baby without telling Enzo.

Sure, there was a chance that Enzo might reject the prospect altogether and disown the child before it’s even born. But I owe it to my unborn child to try. I owe it to Enzo too. Just because he didn’t want me in the long run, he still deserves to know.

What would I say to my baby when they grew up?

I kept your existence from your father because I was too scared to find his reaction. Sorry about that, though.

The guilt alone would eat me alive.

This baby is coming sooner rather than later, and I have to make some tough decisions.

And I might as well start now.

Laurie has stayed with me and is sitting in my living room as I set up my tripod.

“You sure you want to do this?” she asks, concerned.

“Positive. I’ve been putting it off for too long.”

“You know I’m here, either way. Good luck.”

I get myself into position and press the remote button on my camera.

LIVE.

It doesn’t take long for the viewers to start pouring in, and I watch nervously as the number climbs from a hundred to a thousand and still going.

“Hey, guys.” My voice is shaky. It’s been a while since I’ve last done this.

“I guess you weren’t expecting to hear from me today, given my absence these last few months…”

I’ve turned off the comments from the screen so I don’t have to see any negative feedback. It helps me focus, instead of spiraling into a rabbit hole of self-loathing.

“This will be my last live, for good. Over the years, I’ve loved connecting with each one of you, but now it’s time for me to hang up my hat. I’ve decided to say goodbye to the influencer world.”

I had never expected to say those words out loud, yet here I am, uttering them without falling apart.

“We all know what happened these last few months…”

Laurie gestures at me from behind the camera to stop. She had advised me not to go into too much detail, but I can’t help myself.

“I was called a lot of colorful things, but truthfully, I haven’t done anything wrong. I went to Italy, I met someone, and I…” My throat dries up, and I can barely squeeze the next few words out. “I fell in love. I’d like to think I have the right to do that, no matter what the world thinks.”

“But sometimes, we love, and we get burned for it. I’ll always cherish that time in my life, no matter how it turned out. In a way, this account is now my memory album of those moments I had in Italy in the summer that changed my life forever. But it is time for me to say goodbye to you. I loved being with you, having fun with you, learning with you. Until I didn’t. Until all it did was hurt me. So, thank you if you ever supported me. I love you all. Goodbye.”

I end the livestream, tears pricking my eyes.

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