Page 53 of Another Constant

“He knows?” I found myself asking without emotion. I didn’t know why it affected me but it did.

“No. He doesn’t. I don’t regret it either. Toward the end, our situation was too toxic. I never wanted to bring a child into a situation like that.”

I rubbed her back.

“Does that make you think differently of me?”

“Nah. I ain’t never gonna fault you for what you did outta trauma. Just don’t let that shit affect how you make decisions when it comes to me and you.”

She lifted and looked at me with wet lids and puffy eyes. “I don’t worry about that because my former situation is not this one. They don’t even feel the same.”

“Good. He been contacting you since you blocked him?”

She laughed. “How would he do that, Kinga?”

“Shit, I don’t know. I’m ’bout my shit. You ever block me and I’ma send CashApp requests with unlimited notes. Sending a dollar a sentence.”

She chortled like I was cracking a joke but I was dead ass serious.

“You’re a mess.”

“Probably, but I meant that.”

“No, but honestly, I heard he has come by the shop a few times, but each time I wasn’t there. I was either home or with you.”

“Where you belong. Hopefully your boy gets the hint because I’ll trunk his ass out on Madison for a few days to help him.”

She continued to laugh but I still had yet to do so. I was so serious but I loved that innocence she had. She didn’t have to see me in the same light as everyone else because she wasn’t everyone else. She was where I found peace I didn’t know existed.

Chapter12

Harlem

I had never been one of those girls who stayed in their man’s skin for days at a time, then I met Kinga. It was like overnight I transformed into the chicks I used to talk about. I didn’t care though. The way I felt about Kinga sent shudders down my spine. He had an effect on me that nobody else could. With him I felt weightless in a world full of weight and responsibility. The problem was I was too obsessed with being in his space. So moments like this, when he was at work and I was at work, I missed him. We hadn’t talked since earlier when he checked in. He was pretty busy then, I could tell by the way he was telling somebody to hand him a hex while also asking me what dinner was tonight. We got off the phone shortly after. For the most part I spent the day doing little things around the shop and also took some pictures of the puppies. There were five of them. Two were standard and the other three deep variations of merle. After this litter I was set to take a break before Tato’s litter in the spring. I needed the break too, as I had finally unloaded the last two puppies from her previous litter. Besides the five puppies at my home, I also still had Bleu, Tato, and Tilly. I needed to get used to having three dogs before I allowed myself to take on another litter.

A knock at my office door made me look up from the puppy crate toward the door. I wasn’t expecting anybody, and Elinor knew not to let anyone back here, or so I thought.

“Who is it?” I called out, irritated by the fact that I was caught off guard by whoever was on the other side of my door.

“It’s me, Har.” The door opened a second after the voice I knew all too well sounded off.Shit, why was it him? What the hell was he doing here?

The door opened and in walked Zax. The very man I hadn’t missed since I blocked him. He’d been an out of sight, out of mind thing.

He walked in with an expression just as sorry as I knew him to be. “Did you block me, baby?” I was grateful he kept his distance.

“Yeah. I think we both have to move on.” I said that but was really hoping he got the hint that I was done… well, I had been done.

“Both have to move on,” he repeated the last part of my sentence, crossing his arms over his chest. He seemed to be in disbelief.

I didn’t respond. Instead I put the puppy back into the encasement with his mom and siblings. Today I only had Tilly and her pups with me today while Tato and Bleu were home.

“You’ve moved on?” he asked after too much silence had passed.

“What does it matter, Zax?”

“It matters because I still love you and I thought we were fixing this. Weren’t we? Tell me I’m not imagining shit here, Harlem.” He sounded defeated but I knew it was just an act. He was the type of man to play on emotions to make you feel what he felt or feel bad about your decisions if they differed from his.

“I thought that’s what I wanted, but it isn’t.”

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