Page 42 of The Cult

Knowing he’s watching every tiny move I make, I smile and hope my voice stays level as I answer, “You told me to keep an eye on her. I was. When she and the rest of the new girls came out after they heard the screaming, I could tell Nadine and her men had a problem with her. I was afraid they might go too far and kill her, and I know you don’t want any more deaths, so I got her away from them before anything could happen.”

I don’t take a breath the entire time I’m explaining myself, and I have to fight the urge to inhale deeply when I finally get all the words out because I’m sure it will make me look guilty. Technically, I am, so there’s that. Micah ordered me to watch Lara, not protect her, but something’s changed around here.

And I’m not okay with it, even if I don’t know what’s going on.

He silently studies me while all of this runs through my mind, manipulating the empty space to do what he always does. Make people uncomfortable so he has the upper hand.

At first, that skill terrified me. I’d never been someone who could control himself completely either in speech or actions. Whatever I’d ever felt came out of me with a force I couldn’t deny.

Then as I got used to life within The Golden Light, I admired that skill. The way he’d stare at someone and practically squeeze the truth out of them simply by staying quiet impressed the hell out of me. I wanted to be like him. I loved the idea of having that much power over people.

And myself.

Now I know it’s more a trick than a skill, and I can see how hard he has to work at not saying anything during those silences. He’s barely containing his curiosity at this moment because he likely thinks I was with Lara.

Micah takes a deep breath in and lets the air out slowly through his nose. His arms still folded across his chest, he purses his lips but still says nothing. Finally, he gives me a smile, but every muscle in my body tenses as I wait to hear what he has to say to my lie.

“Nadine definitely has a problem with her. There’s no doubt about that. You know how much I trust her, don’t you? The Golden Light wouldn’t be what it is today without her love and support, Nash.”

When he stops, I wish I could ask if he means himself or this group. I’m a little hazy on what Nadine should get credit for, especially since she’s become little more than The Golden Light’s gestapo.

I don’t ask, of course. Whatever I may feel about the changes that have occurred here in the past few months, I still know my place in Micah’s world. I rank just above new recruits and nobodies. For the present, I’m one of his favorites, but that can change at any moment.

It may change tonight if he decides I’ve broken one of his rules, especially the one that forbids us guards from being with any of the women in the group.

The tension between us builds until I find myself holding my breath out of fear that if I dare breathe, I might admit the truth of how I feel and what I’m planning to do for Lara. Micah looks up toward the ceiling and then slowly lowers his arms to his side. I want to take the change in body language as a hint that he believes me, but I can’t tell.

“You were right to be concerned about another death here, Nash. For that, I’m thankful. However, it doesn’t look right that you were alone in your cabin with a woman. That’s forbidden, as you well know.”

I nod, still wanting to speak but unsure I can lie well enough to fool him a second time.

“You look worried, Nash. Unburden yourself. Tell me what’s wrong,” Micah says, sitting up in his chair and looking like he’s actually interested in what may be bothering me.

Finally, I exhale but only little by little so he doesn’t think something’s off. As my lungs empty, I feel my mouth turn down in a frown and know those two lines my mother used to call elevens between my eyebrows have appeared. I’m sure I wear the look of a man troubled by something, but I can’t tell him what’s really on my mind.

So I do the only thing I can.

“I knew it was wrong to take her to my room, but I didn’t want another death and you having to deal with it. I’m worried that there are some people here who’ve forgotten your teachings, and I don’t know how to handle that.”

Most of that is not so much a lie as a half-truth. He nods as I speak, but I know from experience with that too that it may be merely the precursor to Micah unleashing a torrent of anger because I’ve stepped out of line.

I wait for him to respond, my body on alert for whatever reaction he may have to my concerns. The Micah I met that first day would care that one of his flock is worried about what’s happening around him. This version of him I’m not so sure.

His expression turns dark, and he lowers his head but says nothing. I wish he would recognize that whatever Nadine may have been to him in the past, now she’s basically creating a police state here in his name. I don’t doubt Adam has always enjoyed hurting others, but because she’s made it okay to punish and kill people, he believed he was in the right shooting Maren.

Nadine’s poison will only make things uglier here. I know it, but I can’t say a word about it because Micah is practically blind to her faults.

He sighs heavily and then lifts his head to look up at me. Sadness fills his expression, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen him look so miserable. I hate that I had to be the one to say those things that made him so unhappy, but someone had to or things would only get worse.

“You’ll spend two hours in the box, Nash. I’m sorry to have to do that, but rules are rules.”

And with that out of the way, he stands up and walks into the other room.

I look around for any guards to come take me away to serve my punishment, but no one comes. After five minutes or so, I walk out of his cabin expecting someone to take me to the box. It never happens.

My feet seem to have a mind of their own, and I walk straight across the compound to where I know I must pay for my crime. I could just walk back to my room and go to bed. There’s no one around to force me to go into the box.

Still, I know the rules. I deserve what’s about to happen to me.

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