Page 55 of The Cult

She stops pacing and takes me by the hand to sit on the bed with her. Her eyes filled with concern, she stares at me for a few seconds before asking, “What happened to you? I heard you screaming for what seemed like hours the other night. What did they do to you? I thought you were one of Micah’s favorites.”

I hadn’t thought about my time in the box for the past few hours, but her mention of it brings all those terrible memories rushing back into my mind. Shaking my head, I look down at the bed and mumble, “I’m not sure.”

That’s not the truth, but I’m not ready to talk about it yet. Not even with Lara, the only person I think I can trust in this place now.

She strokes the space between my thumb and forefinger with her fingertip, instantly easing my nerves. “It wasn’t because of me, was it?”

I shrug and try to make it seem like I wasn’t sent to the box because of helping her, but she sees right through my silent denial. “I’m sorry, Nash. You didn’t do anything wrong. They shouldn’t have punished you.”

Nodding, I try to smile when I look up at her, but I can’t fake being happy right now. “I know. Micah didn’t even really want to do it. I think he just had to because if he didn’t, he’d have guards spending time with women all over the place.”

“Even though we didn’t do anything together?”

“Yeah. I broke the rules by taking you back to my room. I’m probably breaking the rules just being here right now, but I didn’t want you to think I forgot about getting your phone for you.”

I stop for a moment and then say in a low voice that can’t hide my embarrassment, “I just can’t find the building.”

“What do you mean you can’t find the building?” Lara asks, a logical question since I’ve asked myself the same thing already.

Avoiding her gaze, I answer, “I can’t find it. The building I thought they put the phones in isn’t where I thought it was.”

She doesn’t say anything, so I add, “To be honest, I’m not sure where this is. I don’t think we’re on the farm anymore.”

Lara gives my hand a squeeze that feels all too real. “What did they do to you, Nash?”

I hate the way that sounds, like I’m some broken creature Micah and his people have ruined. I’m not that man. I’m fine. They’re just messing with me with the food and lemonade.

“Lunch. I think it was drugged.”

“But you told me they don’t drug the guards. Why would Micah let that happen to you?”

Looking up at her, I shrug even as I can’t help but be worried if he’s allowing that he’s not going to stop when Nadine suggests her guys get rid of me. “I’m not a favorite anymore, I guess. Just don’t eat or drink anything, okay? If you do, you’re going to feel all messed up like I do, and I don’t want that for you.”

“I won’t.”

We fall into silence, and I wish I could tell her things are going to be okay. They aren’t, though. I don’t want to scare her, so I need to pretend, but I’ve lost all hope that Micah is the man I believed he was.

Lara wraps her arms around me, and for the first time in days, I feel safe. I close my eyes and revel in her head resting on my shoulder. I can’t explain it, but it’s like this simple act eases my soul.

I put my arms around her and let out a heavy sigh. For five years, I’ve lived here at the farm believing in Micah and The Golden Light. I sacrificed all human warmth for the belief that if I did everything he ordered of me that I’d find the happiness and fulfillment he promised existed inside me.

All I needed to do was believe in my greatness.

Now I know that wasn’t true. I don’t know if I possess any greatness. All I know is at this moment, all I want is to be here next to Lara. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed the feel of another person holding me.

“We need to get out of here, Nash. The two of us. Come with me when I try to escape again. You don’t belong here.”

Fear spikes inside my brain at the mere thought of leaving. I haven’t lived away from The Golden Light in so long I don’t know if I can function in the outside world.

I nod, although I’m not sure I can do it.

“Do you think you can get my phone today?”

“I don’t know,” I answer, hating how pathetic that sounds.

How can I not know where a building is? Then again, I’m not even sure I know where I am. I’ve lost a day of my life, and nothing I’ve believed in for years seems to be true anymore.

Lara stands up from the bed and begins pacing again. “Then we need to devise a plan to get out of here tonight. Phone or no phone, I can’t stay here any longer. If I can’t eat or drink anything, it’s quickly going to get to the point where I won’t have the strength to run when I need to.”

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