Page 37 of Because of Her

It only took a few weeks to find a storefront florist willing to take me on as an apprentice, and once I had learnt the basics I started growing our business by providing bespoke arrangements for events. When I moved interstate, I started my own floristry business, specialising in events, and eventually weddings.

It wasn’t until I moved back to Melbourne that I opened Betty Blooms Boutique. It was a slow start to the business, and it still hasn’t exploded in the way I had hoped. But I love what I do, and deep in my soul, I always knew I’d find a way to keep my business afloat. I’ll never let my cousin know how much I appreciate him, but thanks to Noah, I’m about to become the go to florist, the only florist, at one of Melbourne’s most exclusive wineries. It’s a business saver, and if I’m lucky, we’ll have a mild winter, with more sunny days than rainy ones. The countless micro events sure to take over the outdoor spaces through the season will all require a little floral touch.

Since being a small business owner also equates to being a content creator and social media manager, I pull out my phone to take a few photos of the picnic setup. Alongside the muted pink and white florals, today I included a small posy ofdried blooms for the couple to, hopefully, keep forever. It’s a small addition in an attempt to boost my reach even further.

Once I have filled my camera with shots from every angle, I linger. Lost in a daydream, imagining what it would feel like to have someone set something like this up for me.

When my thoughts find their way back to Callum, I pinch the bridge of my nose and try to force them away.

Every time I see Callum, I fall, harder and deeper into something that feels like love,only love shouldn’t be this hard, right?Love shouldn’t make me question everything I thought I knew about myself. Love shouldn’t feel like a knife to my heart.

And yet, no one else can make me laugh, roll my eyes, scoff, joke, the way Callum can. And every time I see him, I feel warm and cosy, and a smile spreads across my face. I haven’t felt this way since I first met Blake, and even then it didn’t feel quite this intense.

I’m in this way too deep, and I’m scared.

“Thinking of someone?”

My cousin’s voice shocks me out of my head.

“I’m so fucked,” is all I can manage to say.

“Your neighbour?”

“He has akid.”

“And?”

“And?” I throw a stray stem at Noah’s face, scowling when he bats it away with ease.

“You don’t know he would want more kids. You have to talk to the man instead of avoiding him.”

I sigh, because although I’m not avoiding Callum, Noah is right. I do need to talk to Callum about this, but I refuse to admit it out loud. I also cringe at the thought of being the one to reach out about something so big. Single gal dignity, or something like that.

“What if Maisie wants a sibling? Even if I can get onboard with his family situation—which I’m still not sure about—I can’t take away his choice to give her that.”

I keep the extent of my feelings to myself. Because in reality, it doesn’t matter how deep my feelings for Callum run through my veins. He comes as part of a package, and I still don’t know if I can take it all on.

“She has another parent you know.”

I step back, planting my hands on my waist and popping my hip. “And?”

“And it took two to tango. And you have no idea what Callum and his ex’s plans were before they split. You have no idea if either of them ever wanted to have another child and you have no idea if either of them want that now.”

I fold my arms across my middle, trying to find the right words to rebut what he is saying.

“No, stop.” He holds his hand up to my face. “Stop beating yourself up with the what-ifs and the imagined scenarios. Stop turning your life into one big miscommunication trope and just talk. To. Him.” He claps with each word, emphasising his point.

“I can’t,” I choke out between breaths. My eyes sting and I blink away the liquid pooling in them.

“You have no idea,” I’m aware I’m yell-crying now, but I don’t care. “I spent my whole life wanting to be a mother. Wanting to prove to the world I could do a better job than the incompetent woman who birthed me and Mads. Only for the world to rip that one dream away from me.”

Tears are streaming down my face. I’m vaguely aware I need to stop. That Noah is working and technically I am, too. That customers will start arriving at the winery soon, and that I need to finish tidying up my empty buckets ready for the lucky bitch who’s about to get engaged.

I’m aware of all of that, but I can’t stop.

“I’ve lost everything,” I sob. “I lost the picture of myfuture I always had in my head. I lost my ability to choose. I lost the man I thought I was going to be with for the rest of my life because I couldn’t give him what he wanted. And you,” I shove my finger into my cousin’s chest, “you just want me to talk to the guy I like now and beg him to be with me, even though I can’t help him grow his perfect little family. You want me to tell him I will always struggle to be a parental figure to his daughter, but I hope he picks me anyway.”

Noah stands back, arms by his sides, his mouth drops open before closing into a lopsided smirk.

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