Page 72 of Because of Her

“Thank you,” Cass whispers, “for staying out here with me.”

I give her a soft squeeze, planting a kiss on her forehead. “You needed me.”

“Can we go inside?” she asks as she stretches her legs out in front of her.

It’s awkward when we stand, most of Cassidy’s weight still in my arms as I grab her bag off the floor. I shift our position until I have her wrapped into my side, and reach above us for my spare key.

“I thought I told you that wasn’t a safe spot for a spare key?”

Her tone is accusatory, but also light and teasing. A hint of her usual demeanour poking through the sorrow.

When she walks into my apartment, an odd mix of emotions stir within me. Her shoulders are drooped so low she could touch her knees. The sight of her in so much pain sends my heart twisting, plummeting into my gut.

Cassidy collapses onto the couch while I get her a glass of water.

“It’s not fair,” she blurts out when I sit on the opposite side of the couch. Her shoulders still tremble, but there’s a determination in her voice now.

“You don’t have to talk about it.”

“I want to,” she says. “My ex and I, we tried for a really long time, but it never worked. Nothing worked.”

She reaches behind her, as though searching for her blanket.

“Wait,” I tell her. Grabbing the lone key from her bag, I race out of my apartment and across the hall.

The dodgy handle takes longer than it should to unlock, but I get it open. In her apartment, I pull the scrappy pink blanket off the couch before rushing back.

As I approach her, I slow down. I wrap the blanket over her shoulders. She wears it like a cape, unmoving.

After a few breaths, she pulls the blanket tighter around her body.

“We never … we tried … I thought …” she starts a few times before she finds the words to go on. “After so long, I made peace. But he didn’t, and we … I moved back to Melbourne.”

My hands curl into fists. The thought that he walked away, over that, has me raging. I don’t even know the man’s name and I want to hunt him down. Make him realise the mistake he made when he hurt Cassidy.

“I was okay with it, really.” Cassidy slumps back onto the couch.

“Until you found out about your sister?”

I knew she couldn’t have kids, that for a while she hasn’t wanted them. But the situation surrounding her eventual diagnosis … it hurts. It hurts me, so I can only imagine how it must hurt her.

“It took a lot of time and therapy, but I came to terms with my place in the world. I was even excited about being the fun aunt who holidays in Europe and drives a fancy car.”

She sniffs, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“I guess,” she chokes on the words as they come out, “finding out I am about to become that aunt hit me a lot harder than I thought it would.”

I reach forward to trace slow circles on her wrist with my thumb. Audrey and I got lucky. We had barely decided tostart trying when everything fell into place for us. But I know how hard it can be for some couples, some women.

There’s nothing I can say that will take away her pain, so instead I trace those circles, a silent gesture that I’m here, I’m listening.

“I was still processing that news, and I saw your door. And I thought of Maisie and how amazing she is and how lucky you are. And how much I—”

I can’t help it. I move towards her, reaching out to cup her cheek. My thumb wipes at the tears as they fall.

Cassidy leans into my hand. Her breaths start to calm and my heart swells at the thought she finds comfort in me. Despite everything, my presence is helping her and I hold onto that thought.

“Maisie changed everything I had imagined in my head,” she continues. “I thought I was okay with it, I tried really hard. But I can’t be what you need.”

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