Page 74 of Because of Her

But he is right, I should try the tapping thing.

Inch by inch, I unwrap myself from my spot on the floor. Cassidy’s cousin moves back, giving me space to stretch out my legs and climb onto the couch. With my counts, I tap a steady rhythm on my sternum, focusing on the firm vibrations and willing my pulse to steady.

“You should go back to Cassidy.”

“Amira is there.”

I don’t know this guy. I met him once and I can admit I was a jerk. But in my defence, I didn’t know he was Cassidy’s cousin.

He sits backwards on a chair, facing me from the dining space. From over the back of the chair, he waves a finger between us. “We’re going to start again. I’m Noah.”

I look up at him, giving a tiny shake of my head.

“Callum.”

Noah taps on the back of the chair, his knee bounces as he takes in my apartment. The uncomfortable couch I sit on with its three bright cushions, the IKEA catalogue furniture, and the collection of colouring books on the coffee table. It only feels like home when Maisie is here. Or Cassidy. Preferably both. But that will never happen again.

Noah’s tapping stops. “You ah … want to talk about it?”

I don’t. But the words fall out anyway.

“Her sister is pregnant. She said it was too hard.”

“Okay mate. If there’s one thing you need to know about me it’s that we talk. None of this half communication bullshit, because it only gets you into trouble. You need to give me more than that.”

This guy. I scoff at him, but he stares me down. There’ssomething about his bright eyes and the glimmer of a smile on his lips. He makes mewantto talk to him.

“Fine. For months, I knew me being a dad was hard for her to come around to. She spent so long thinking that because she couldn’t have kids it meant she wasn’t meant to be around them. So it was hard, I get it. But I thought we were good, I thought she was falling in love with the thought of us. And my daughter fucking loves her.”

Noah starts tapping again, humming his encouragement for me to continue.

“But Maisie got hurt, and she withdrew. And then she found out her sister’s having a baby and now it’s all too much. She said it was too hard and she should go. She gave up. And then shecrawledto her bed.”

I drop my head between my legs, sucking in the oxygen I need. It burns my lungs until I’m drowning with the pain.

“I don’t know what’s worse,” I admit. “Me hurting this much, or knowing she feels just as bad, if not worse, and not being able to go to her.”

Noah stands. Walking over to the couch, he sits beside me. Close enough I can feel the divot he creates, he nudges me with his shoulder.

“Give her time.”

“I did. I tried.”

“More. She has had a really rough run. Sounds like you have, too. But I know this isn’t it for the two of you.”

“How?”

“Because she was never like this when she broke up with Blake.”

His name reignites something inside me. Her ex. The one who left when things got tough and she couldn’t give him a child. The one who favoured her as a mother before anything else. I refuse to be anything like him.

“What do I do?”

Noah plays with his phone, typing out a text. “Give me a minute.”

The whoosh of messages being sent and received hides the anxious shudder in my breath.

“Okay,” Noah breaks the silence, putting his phone away. “Madison has a plan for Cassidy.”

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