Page 11 of Because of Them

“You fucked up?”

“I think.” I gesture to the door, pulling myself into the car and pushing the seat all the way back so I can prop my legs on the dash while we talk. Brendan climbs in the other side, shoving my dog onto my lap.

He’s too big to be a lapdog at the best of times, let alone squished in the front seat of the car, but that has never stopped him before. Baxter’s weight settles on my thighs, his leg resting on my knees. Once he’s comfortable, I turn my attention back to Brendan.

“She didn’t look great. I was worried, but I think I brought it up the wrong way? Maybe? Now I can’t stop thinking about how I should have just said she looked wonderful anyway.”

Although most of me knows that probably wouldn’t have helped. It’s been over a week since I saw Audrey and deep down, I know something is up. She wasn’t just feeling unwell, there was more to it. There had to have been. Otherwise why would she have called and tried to organise the date. I need to get to the bottom of it, but Audrey is back to not returning my calls. There has to be a point where I come at this from a different angle, but I have no idea what that angle is. I have no clue how to make a girl who won’t respond to my texts tell me what’s going on.

My foot wriggles to the beat of the low bass from the radio and my mind races through all the possibilities. Despite my initial freak out, she can’t have caught something. I double checked the date of my test and it was right before we were together, but even so we used a condom every single time. Except for that one time it broke, but she said it didn’t matter. I assumed she meant she was all good too, unless she found out afterwards that she wasn’t. I never thought to ask. And I saw her taking her pill. My mind flicks through our short-lived situation-ship, wondering what could be causing her as much grief and discomfort I saw on her face at the cafe.

Maisie. Shit, I hope it’s not something to do with Maisie. I might have freaked out about the little girl being around, but that certainly doesn’t mean I wanted anything to happen to her. She’s a wonderful little kid, so full of life and laughter.

Audrey and her ex had still been figuring out all the logistics of their joint custody. Could something have happened there?

Pulling out my phone, I pull up the one-sided text message thread. I have to scroll an embarrassing amount to find the last message from Audrey. When I told her the name of the cafe andall she said was ‘see you there’. Since that day it’s been radio silence, again.

“Fuck mate.” Brendan’s voice shocks me out of my self-wallowing. “It’s time to let it go.”

I let out a deep, grumbling sigh. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

I hate acknowledging it. It hurts a muscle I forgot existed, somewhere deep in my chest.

For so long I spent my time playing the field, breaking hearts because I was never ready to settle down. I guess in some bullshit way this is my actions coming back to bite me on the ass. Because the one girl I always wanted to hear back from, won’t return my messages. Or my phone calls. All she does is send back a thumbs up or a ‘ha ha’ against the messages I send.

But from the aching stab in my chest, I can’t help but wonder if Brendan is right. Maybe Audrey and I were never meant to be.

Even still, I fire off another text, because now that the God-awful thought has entered my mind, I can’t shake it loose.

Michael: Just tell me you and Maisie are okay.

Once the message is sent with a whoosh, I throw my phone onto the back seat, desperate to ignore it. Determined not to watch it like a hawk while I wait for a response.

“You’ve gotta pull your head in.”

I turn my attention back to Brendan. Outside the truck, thunder rumbles. The sky is somehow darker than before, lightning crackling in the distance.

“You should get in your car before the storm hits.”

“You should shut the fuck up and listen.” Brendan snaps back. He’s always been like this. The voice of uninvited reason.

“You know your dad wanted you to take on this job, right? He needs you to show some responsibility. And pining over a chick you barely know is not the way to show him you’re on your way to running the business.”

“And I told him I don’t want to run the business.”

He punches me square in the bicep. I barely register his knuckles grazing against the muscles I tense in anticipation. Baxter cocks an ear at the sudden movement, but quickly settles back down when he realises there’s no threat.

“Fuck, do you ever not go to the gym?” Rubbing his hand, he shifts his body to face back out the front of the car. Loaded raindrops start to fall. “Fuck,” he sighs.

“I’m serious.” Reaching up, I pull my hair from the loose bun I had it tied in while we worked. “He has these grand expectations of me, but I’ll never meet them. He needs to stop hoping and praying that I’ll change my mind. I told him I’dconsidertaking on one job. Not the business.”

“Or, you need to get over this idea that you’re not good enough. So, one job was a disaster. So what? You were fresh into your twenties and your old man was dumb to put that much pressure on you so soon after your apprenticeship finished. I couldn’t have handled it then either. But you’re not that kid anymore. You know what you’re doing. I’ve seen you correct deliveries and boss around the lackeys. You’ve got more skill than any of the rest of us. You just don’t have the confidence.”

I stare out the window, past the heavy rain, to the frame we built today. I barely had to think, following Brendan’s instructions, and I’d never tell a soul, but it was a little boring. I never thought I’d get sick of the simplicity of building a frame, but maybe some tiny part of meisready to take the next step. It’s scary just thinking about it. Scarier still to think that maybe after all these years, my dad was right.

“You were bored today.” Brendan’s acknowledgement of what was just running through my mind shocks me. “I saw it,” he continues. “You were yawning, checking your phone constantly. You didn’t even laugh when I asked Freddie to grab the left-handed screwdriver.”

“Because that’s a lame joke. It stopped being funny when my dad played it on us. Remember how embarrassed we were when we couldn’t find it?”

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