Page 18 of Because of Them

“Remember that time when the condom broke?”

Yeah, I remember.I remember how warm and wet it was inside her. How she’d wrapped her legs around me when we noticed, pulling me back inside her and telling me it was okay. How effortlessly my cock slid between her folds and how downright fucking incredible it felt when I came inside her. My pulse throbs against my throat at the memory, and my cock strains against my shorts. Mylooseshorts. Fuck. I shift against the hard bench, willing my growing length to calm the fuck down.

“Remember how I said I was on the pill and it didn’t matter? How I told you to come inside me because you make me lose my goddamn mind and we both thought it would be really … I don’t know, good?”

“Audrey, what—?”

“I didn’t lie. I didn’t lie but the next day Maisie got sick. And then I got sick. She was vomiting, I was vomiting. I didn’t think.”

My mind catches up with what she is trying to tell me.

“You’re …?” I can’t say the word. After so long doing everything in my power not to put a baby in a woman’s bellyno matter how hot the thought was, the word feels somehow naughty. Like a swear word you really want to say as a kid but you’re too afraid of the consequences.

“I’m pregnant, Michael.”

Birds stop chirping, kids stop playing. The distant rumble of traffic evaporates into the atmosphere. The only thing left in the world is Audrey, and the weight of her words settling on my shoulders. I should have expected it. Should have known that this moment was creeping up on me, no matter how careful I always used to be. But it hits me harder than a freight train.

I pull my hands back, clenching them into fists that rest against my temples. Uncertainty creeps up my spine, leaving goosebumps that spread over my skin. I’m five degrees too cold and ten degrees too hot all at once. The sun glares in my eyes. I turn away from it, unintentionally turning my back on Audrey.

Her saddened whimper rings in my ears as I build the courage to turn my body to face her again. I can’t bring my eyes to meet her own, no matter how much I want to.

“And you … the baby …” I want to ask if she wants to keep it but the air has been sucked from my lungs and it’s impossible to form words.

“Yes,” she reads my mind, answering the question I couldn’t get out. “I’m sorry, but I really want to keep it. I can’t explain it, but it’s like I know I’m supposed to be this baby’s mother. He came to me when I didn’t know I needed him.”

“He? It’s a boy?”

She shakes her head, tenderly taking both my hands in her own. Her tiny fingers link between my calloused digits, thumbs stroking tiny circles on the back of my hands.

“I don’t know, it’s just what comes out. She doesn’t feel right. So, it’s just he for now. Or Bean, although technically he’s the size of a plum now so that doesn’t feel right any more either.”

“Bean.” The nickname rolls off my tongue and even though I know it won’t stick, it melts away some of the tension in my shoulders. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say,” I admit.

“Neither did I.”

AUDREY

Michael’s voice shakes as he processes the news. I don’t blame him; I’ve known for almost a month now and I’m still coming to terms with it. But when he turns away from me, my heart cracks.

I had two weeks to prepare for this moment.

Two weeks of worst-case scenarios consuming my every thought. One week of wondering why he wasn’t free that first weekend, followed by a week of doggy photos as he babysat his parent’s tiny cavoodle who ‘simply cannot be trusted in the apartment alone, or in public with Baxter’. People and their damned dogs. “Sorry I’m keeping Michael hostage,” one caption had said, and I tried really hard to laugh. But the joke didn’t sink in.

So, the week that followed was full of thinking that maybe I should have called on Callum to watch Maisie for an extra day,so I could have treated the anxiety like a Band-Aid. As soon as we planned this meeting, I wanted it to happen sooner. I wanted to rip the Band-Aid off and move on, probably with a new scar.

I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t worried about what Michael might have been doing the whole time. If I said I didn’t wonder why he hadn’t invited me to his apartment since he supposedly couldn’t leave, or who he might have been seeing instead of me. Every night for the past two weeks as I curled up in my empty bed, I’d close my eyes and see him lying with another woman. Flirting with another woman. Kissing her, taking her clothes off, removing his shirt. And every night I wished it was me.

It’s just the hormones thinking, surely. Hopefully.

I can’t fall for this man, any further than I started to fall before his baby started growing in my stomach.

Even still, as we acknowledge our loss for words, I sink my shoulder a little further into his. I press my knee against his leg, twisting my ankle behind his own. Linking us together in a silent embrace. This news was hard enough for me to wrap my head around. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him.

In response to the movement, Baxter looks up from his spot on my lap. An ear pricks up and his tongue hangs out of his mouth, still panting from our walk. I scratch under his chin, clicking my tongue.

Beside me, Michael’s body heaves with a sigh. He’s been silent for a while now, and I let him sit in his thoughts while everything sinks in. It wasn’t until that day at the clinic, when I heard the baby’s heartbeat for the very first time that all the pieces started to fall into place for me. That’s when I finally realised that no matter the crazy, unconventional circumstances, this was meant to happen. I don’t believe in God, but this baby came for a reason. Something sent him when I needed him the most. I just don’t know if Michael needs him too. If Michael even wants him.

Remembering the ultrasound photos, I pull my small crossbody bag to my front to pull them out. “I have something for you.”

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