Page 54 of Because of Them

“Do you?”

Every tense muscle in my body relaxes and I slouch down in the chair until my head tips against the low backrest.

“I think she’ll say no,” I admit to the ceiling. “But until she sees that I’m in this forever, I’m worried she’ll always hold a piece of herself back. She says she loves me, but she is so hesitant to open up. I don’t know if it’s because of the babies or because of how I acted before I knew about the babies or if it’s just because she doesn’t know how she truly feels because her body is so full of lovey hormones. But I have to try something. And maybe she’ll say no and I’m sure that will hurt, but at least then she will know, like really know, how I feel.”

My knee bounces. My chest is tight and the room starts to spin. The edges of my vision blur.

Noah taps his knuckles on the desk. Without meaning to, I start to breathe to the sound of his tapping. The vice on my heart loosens and the room steadies. My vision returns to normal.

“I get it,” he says when I have control of my senses again and look over at him. “But I still don’t think proposing is the right idea. Especially at a winery when she can’t drink. I mean, wemake great food and the non-alcoholic wine is pretty good, but it’s not the same when you can’t taste the sampling.”

“So, what do I do? How do I show her?”

He shakes his head. “I don’t think you can. This isn’t the kind of worry you can explain away. Her feelings are valid, and yours are too. You have to let her feel them.”

I run my hands through my hair, scratching at the back of my head. “And I just, wait?”

He shakes his head again. “You keep showing up. Every day. Every chance you get. You show her with the little things. Bringing home her latest craving or remembering the show she wanted to watch. You go to her hospital appointments and those birthing class things and you remember everything they say. You take notes if you have to. You rub her feet when they are sore. You make her favourite warm drink before she even has to ask. You thank her and cherish her and honour her, and love her with everything that you do. And eventually the babies will be born and you’ll keep doing all those things and she’ll realise.”

I can do that. I already do that, most of it, at least. I can show her.

“And then I ask her?”

Noah nods with a smirk. “Yeah mate, then you can ask her.”

AUDREY

The map on my phone screen flickers, reloading as I drive past my destination for the fifth time. There are still no parking spaces along the street.

My chin tips up as I drop my head against the headrest, huffing. Gripping the steering wheel until my knuckles turn white, I turn up the nearest street to loop back around. Any other time, I would have driven a little further, parked up the street, or utilised the large parking lot behind the rows of shops. But I don’t want to walk. I want the convenience of a fifteen-minute parking space so I can get in and get out without feeling bad when I inevitably shy away from the small talk. I want to take as few steps as possible to reduce the likelihood of my ankles swelling in the heat. But much to my dismay, the shopping strip is packed. It’s to be expected, really, the week before Christmas.

It takes just as many laps of the parking lot to find an empty spot, and even then I have to chase down a woman carrying her loaded bags of shopping back to her car. The air in my oversized suburban SUV begins to heat as soon as I turn the ignition off. With no cool air flowing back into the space, it only takes a few seconds before the heat is unbearable. The summer sun glares through the windows, stealing away the breathable air only to replace it with a stifling dry heat that burns my throat. I step out, wanting to find relief but instead finding a muggy heat that sticks to my skin.

The babies flip in my stomach, and I wonder how much more of this I can take. My third trimester is only just beginning, but with two of them in there, my lungs are already as squished as I think possible, and the heat is only making it worse.

Cassidy’s painting is propped in the rear of the car, but now that I’m parked a few hundred metres away I have no idea how to get it to the shop. It’s too large for me to carry, especially now and certainly in this heat. In hindsight, I should have taken Callum up on his offer to pick it up, but I was determined to do this for myself. It was dumb really, not wanting to rely on my ex-husband. Considering the artwork is for his girlfriend and I can barely lift the thing up. Resigned, I pull my phone out to call Cassidy and ask for help.

When she doesn’t answer, I have to search for the boutique’s phone number. The phone rings and rings, and just when I’m about to give up and end the call, the receiver clicks.

“Thanks for calling Betty’s, I’m Cassidy, how can I help today?”

“Oh, thank God,” I sigh through the phone. “Cass, it’s Audrey. I’m in the rear parking lot with the painting but I—”

“I’m coming, will I see you from the entrance?”

I look across the parking lot toward the boom gates. She might. “I’ll walk down a bit so you can see where I am.”

“Okay, see you in a sec!”

The line is cut short before I can respond.

I can’t leave the painting to cook in the car, so I leave the boot open and waddle my way to the end of the aisle, thankful it’s only a few cars down.

Cassidy’s green summer dress floats behind her as she power walks into the carpark as I reach the end of the row. Her chocolate hair is scrunched on her head, and dark sunglasses shield her eyes. Her dark apron flaps against her legs, coming loose as she reaches a hand above her head to wave that she has seen me.

“Sorry.” I puff the word out as she approaches but she shrugs off the apology.

Seeing my open boot, she heads over and pulls the painting out. It’s not overly heavy, but the size is awkward, tilting off balance over her tiny frame. With the boot closed and car locked, I step toward Cassidy and help support the painting. Although she still carries most of the weight, it takes both of us awkwardly shuffling out of the parking lot and down the street to get the painting safely to her store.

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