Page 78 of Because of Them

“I don’t know how else to show her, Dad.”

“You need to find yourselves again. Having a newborn baby is hard on any relationship. Your mother and I fought like rabid squirrels when you first came about. So, imagine havingtwobabies, after the strain of the NICU and off the back of a new relationship. It’s a recipe for fucking disaster if you ask me. I’m surprised you’re still sleeping in the same room.”

“There are no other rooms,” I mumble. “Maybe if there were—”

“No time for maybes, son. Look, you want to be something more with Audrey, you need to show her that. Outside of looking after the kids. What if your mother and I babysat the boys one day, Maisie too if you need. You and Audrey can go out, get dinner. Be human adults for a little bit.”

After filling up the kettle, he flicks it on and pulls four mugs out of the cupboard above the bench. I grab milk from the fridge and set it next to him.

“Audrey likes hers sweet,” I tell him as he scoops a teaspoon of sugar into each mug.

Adjusting Henry’s weight onto the other arm I move back and sit down at the table. With empty hands, my mother walks into the room with bright eyes and a wide smile.

“We would love to look after the babies,” she sings. “William is asleep in his cot. Let me take Henry.”

I let her, and when I sit back in the chair without the weight of a baby resting on my chest, my breaths are a little lighter. Maybe a night out would be good.

Leaving two mugs of steaming tea by the kettle, Dad carries the other two over and joins me at the table. I wrap my fingers around the mug he sets in front of me, allowing the warmth to spread through my hands.

“Talk to Audrey, then let us know,” Dad says as he sits down. He sips at his drink, sputtering as the hot liquid presumably burns his tongue.

“I don’t mean to change the subject so abruptly but—”

“But you’re going to anyway?”

“Shut up. I’ve never been good at this so just listen.”

I roll my shoulders, tilting my head to the side. He leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows either side of his mug.

“You should know I still plan to retire at the end of the year.”

“I figured.”

Shaking his head, Dad continues, “But I don’t want you to feel like you have to step up if you don’t feel ready. I can find someone else, even if it’s only temporary.”

“No.” The word shocks me as I say it, but now that he is offering to hand the business over to someone else, bile rises in my throat. I take a long sip of my tea. It burns at my throat, eating away the unease.

“I’ll do it,” I say, placing my mug on the coaster. I lean back in my chair in an attempt to remain nonchalant. Can’t have him knowing how the thought of someone else being my boss has made my skin crawl. “I’ll do it, I just need to know that I can still call on you when I inevitably need help.”

“You can Michael, you always can.”

MICHAEL

“I’ve measured out three bottles each, but they should only need one before we get back. We won’t be long. Please don’t overfeed them. If either of them is really unsettled just give them an extra bottle though. Especially William, his little cheeks are so much thinner than Henry’s still and I know the nursessayit’s okay even though they are identical, but I think maybe it would be good for him if he caught up.”

Audrey rushes around the kitchen, pointing out bottles and sterilised dummies and the sheet of instructions she stuck to the fridge. “I’ll keep my phone out the whole time, so please call me if you need anything. You have my number but I put both mine and Michael’s on the sheet in case your phone dies.” She turns to me, terror filling the space around her eyes. “Michael, where arewe going? I need to add the restaurant’s phone number in caseourphones die.”

I move around the island bench and place a hand on Audrey’s shoulder. Her muscles tense under my touch. I pretend not to notice the way her body leans, ever so slightly, away from mine. I push down the loneliness that has come with the distance forged between us over the past few months.

Weeks passed so slowly while the boys were in the hospital, each day tracked in milestones, waiting until we could tick everything off the list and bring them home. But now that they are here, it’s as though the universe hit the fast forward button. Four weeks passed in the blink of an eye.

Four weeks of Audrey’s quiet resentment every time I leave the house. She keeps saying “it’s fine”, but I know it’s not. I see the way her eyes roll, I feel the chill in the air when I return. It doesn’t matter if I’ve just gone to pick up more formula, take Baxter for a walk, or take Maisie to the local park. It doesn’t matter that I asked if she wanted to come, or to go in my place while I looked after the boys. The iciness to her tone—hell, her whole demeanour—each time I return is palpable.

Tonight is my attempt to bring some warmth back into her life. And into our relationship. I miss her, I miss us. It took a lot of convincing, but Audrey finally accepted my dad’s offer.

Maisie is spending her week at Callum’s. My mother bounces a sleeping Henry in her arms. Next to her, leaning the back of his legs against the benchtop is my father. Gone is the eternal scowl, replaced with soft adoration as he gazes down at William. I wonder sometimes if he ever looked at me like that? Like he would burn the whole world down to make sure I had what I needed. Maybe, when I was younger, before I fucked everything up over and over again. Before I became a disappointment of an adult son.

But he has softened all over now that I’m getting a few things right. Everything is still running smoothly with Noah’s hotel, even with me stepping back to be with Audrey and the boys more. And okay, my relationship with Audrey needs a decent dose of tender loving care, but we make a good parenting team.

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