Page 80 of Because of Them

“I’ll have the same,” Audrey says, but her eyes linger on the lower half of the menu where the woodfire pizzas are listed.

“Order the pizza,” I tell her. “You can have some of mine and see what Maisie is raving about.”

“Are you sure?”

I nudge my leg against hers, but let the touch linger and brush my calf up and down hers. I can’t stop. “I’m sure.”

She smiles again, and it’s like when the moon comes out during the day. Awe inspiring even though it’s more commonthan you think. I will never not be captivated by her. Turning to the waiter, she orders one of the restaurant’s specialty pizzas. The waiter jots down the order, promises to be back with our wine, and scurries off. No doubt happy to remove himself from the sexual energy buzzing around us.

A blush creeps up Audrey’s neck, covering her cheeks with a crimson glow. She bites her lip again and pulls her cardigan around her, holding on to the corners as she folds her arms below her chest. It pushes her breasts higher and I can’t tear my gaze away.

“You’re making it worse, you know.”

She jumps a little in the chair, rearranging her arms so the cardigan covers her tits. There must be a speck, or something, on the table, because she stares down at it intently.

“I’m sorry. I’ll stop.”

Her head bobs a short nod and she settles back into the plush cushion of the booth seat.

“It’s okay, though,” she says as she builds up the courage to look at me again. I strain every muscle in my face to keep it neutral, to hide the almost animalistic desire raging through me.

“It was nice, even,” she adds, “to feel wanted again.”

“Audrey, I never stopped wanting you.” Reaching a hand across the table, I pull her arm out of her tight hold and lace my fingers through hers. “I was just trying to give you space, I thought you needed it.”

She traces small circles on the back of my hand with her thumb. Her mouth opens to talk, but she presses it shut, inhaling deep through her nose. She lets her breath out through a tiny gap in her teeth and starts again. “I did, and sometimes maybe I still do. And I don’t want you to feel bad because it’s hard to show someone you want them when they aren’t showing it back. I needed to feel like myself again, and until tonight, I haven’t.”

“I told you a night off would do you good.”

Squeezing my hand, she leans forward, resting her elbow on the table and dropping her head into her free hand.

“I’m not saying it.”

“Say it Audrey,” I tease, knowing she probably won’t.

But she does. “You were right.”

I clasp my hand over my chest, dropping my mouth open with a gasp. “I waswhat, sorry? I didn’t hear you.”

“You heard me just fine, I’m not saying it again.”

“I will remember this night for the rest of my life.” Not just because she admitted I was right about something though. I’ll remember the moment we reconnected after months of intense strain on our relationship. I might be naive, but I’m not stupid enough to think that one night away—and a few lust-filled touches—is going to fix all our problems. But we are back on the right path, and that’s a bloody good start.

The waiter returns with our wine, pouring two glasses after Audrey takes the first sip and nods her approval. His eyes dart between the two of us, but he places the bottle in the centre of the table and moves away.

Audrey takes a long sip of her wine. “I was so worried about coming out,” she says after she gulps down the deep red pinot noir. “After all those nights while the boys were in hospital, you’d think I was used to being away from them. But now they are home I feel like I owe them all my time.”

“I get it, but you also owe yourself the freedom to do the things you love. You can’t pour from an empty cup, isn’t that what they say?” I down the last sips of my drink.

Audrey picks up the bottle to fill our long-stemmed glasses. “My cup was definitely empty.”

AUDREY

Idrank too much wine. It was only two glasses, but considering I finished them both before dinner, and I haven’t had so much as a sip in almost a year, it hit my head hard. It wasn’t until our food arrived and I demolished the chicken pizza and half of Michael’s spaghetti that the throbbing began to ease.

We didn’t last long at the restaurant after that. I was itching to get back to the boys, to make sure they were okay. And my blood was pumping with something else. Something I had feared was gone forever.Desire.

I hadn’t intended to make Michael hard when I wriggled in his lap. I was, honestly, just trying to get comfortable. But when I felt his erection swelling underneath me, it flipped a switch inside me. One that I had lost. After the boys were born, only darkness could be found in my core. I scoffed and rolled my eyesand called my obstetrician ridiculous when she told me I could resume having sex at one of my follow up appointments. It was the furthest thing from my mind. But feeling what my body did to Michael’s, the light turned back on. It heated me from the inside out.

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