Page 7 of Because of Them

Audrey presses her palms against her eyes.

“Michael, I can’t—”

“Wait. I wasn’t ‘stretching my back’. But I wasn’t leaving either.” I cut her off, spitting the words out as fast as I can. “I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to say you looked like shit, and I didn’t mean to pick out some super loved up cafe. I couldn’t sit still so I stood up while I waited for you to come back. I keep fucking up and—”

“Stop.”

I snap my mouth shut, the harshness of her voice mixes with a hint of despair. She sits in her chair, resting her elbows against the table. My fingers twitch against the table, aching to reach out to her. To pull her close and show her that I care and that I’m more than some idiotic young man who has no clue.

“Can we just order some food? Please?”

Nodding, I turn my attention to the waitress wandering between tables. Her slick long hair flicks against her back when she pivots towards us. We make quick work ordering food, Idon’t need the menu to know I want the biggest breakfast meal available. Bacon, eggs, hash browns, and all the toppings to go with it. But Audrey keeps her order light—raisin toast with a fruit juice—and I’m left wondering if I overestimated our date. If she wants to leave sooner rather than later.

“I am sorry, you know,” I reiterate while we wait for our food. “For choosing this place. I’ve been here a couple of times and the coffee is okay but the food is good. I just forgot how cutesy it is.”

“It’s okay, Michael.”

“No, it’s not. None of it is okay. I’ve spent weeks trying to get you to see me again, and now you are, I keep messing it up.”

“Michael, it’s not the cafe.”

It’s not?I reach up to scratch underneath my bun, where the hair tie pulls against my scalp. If the cafe isn’t the problem, I’m really at a loss. Because as much as Audrey is stunning, she’s looked miserable from the second she arrived. I hadn’t said a word to her and she was already clutching at her stomach.

“Okay, well let’s start again then,” I try.

I push out of my chair, hovering in a semi crouched position before changing my mind when I see the thin line that forms on Audrey’s mouth. She drops her head into her hand.

Pulling my chair back under me, I sit on my fingers. My knee bounces under the table and I fight the urge to pick apart my nails.

“How are you, Audrey?”

From behind her hand, a puff of air blows from Audrey’s mouth.

“No? Um, how about … I’ve missed you?”

Her eyebrows reach her hair.

Shaking my head, I try again. “I’m sorry?”

“That’sa good place to start.”

I close my eyes, processing her abruptness. Something unexpected crackles through me. Disappointment. In myself.My skin crawls as I piece together the words to form a decent apology.

“I never expected to find what we had Audrey, and when I did, I didn’t know how to react.”

Audrey leans back in her chair, her hand falling from where it rested against her mouth. “Mike that’s not what I—”

“Don’t call me that, not you. And please, let me finish. I’m not an adult, not in the way you are. You’re a mother, you have your career on track, you own a house. I have none of those things, and I’m not ready for them either. But I still think we could work. What we had was too incredible to walk away from, just because we are at different stages of our lives.”

In my peripheral, I spot the waitress coming over to our table, coffees propped on her tray. Audrey slams her hands down on the table. The waitress’s long ponytail flicks over her shoulder as she pivots to deliver drinks to a calmer table first. I don’t blame her.

“That’s just it, Michael. You’re not ready to be a parent, you’re too scared to eventryto take a step forward in your career, and I don’t give a shit about whether you have a house or rent an apartment but you have to learn to own your decisions.”

Her head drops, resting back on her hands for a moment. When she looks back up at me, her crystal blue eyes glisten with new tears. “Life is not all about good sex, Michael.” She whispers the words, glancing around us as though she is making sure no one heard.

“No,” I admit. “And a relationship shouldn’t be built on that either. But you have to admit it was pretty good.”

I wink, and Audrey’s cheeks glow with a blush. Colour returns to her face and I see a hint of the playful woman I fell for. As quickly as the glimmer of a smile came, she drags it off her face.

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