Page 46 of Sun Elves of Ardani

She crossed her arms. “You say that as if we’ve been apart for a long time. It’s not as if we haven’t spent the last day and a half stuck with each other.”

“That doesn’t mean I can’t be happy to see you.”

“I think there’s another reason you’re happy.” She eyed the empty vials on the bedside table. “The dream again?”

He bit his lip, and she tried to ignore the bewildering hunger the gesture stirred in her. “You don’t approve?” he teased.

“You know I don’t.”

He sat down on the bed, tilting his head at her. “Ardanians are so judgemental. Why would you care about what I choose to do in my private time?”

Anger buzzed through her, for reasons she couldn’t quite pin down. “Look at yourself. You’re sitting alone in your room, smiling about nothing, like a complete fool.”

The look of hurt on his face took her by surprise, though perhaps it shouldn’t have. The dream seemed to amplify his emotions and made him forget to keep them hidden. His smile had faded.

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” she asked.

He laughed bitterly. “No! Nothing.”

“Well, you look ridiculous,” she said. “And to think that the gods have given you double the lifespan I have, and you choose to use it like this. It’s infuriating, honestly. I suppose this is the type of thing you can afford to waste time with when you’re not busy trying to survive an occupation. It’s pathetic. You should be embarrassed.”

To her surprise, instead of snapping back at her, his face crumpled. He suddenly put his face in his hands, and his shoulders shook. “You’re right,” he sobbed. “I’m pathetic.”

She gaped at him. “What?”

“I’m an embarrassment,” he moaned. He fell to the bed in a dramatic motion that could only be described as a flop. “I’m not like you. I’m not a good person. I’m not strong. I’m weak. I’ve spent my entire life failing and making mistakes.”

“What—I didn’t mean that.”

“But it’s true.”

“That’s ridiculous. Stop this. Stop crying. Please.”

“I can’t. I’m sorry.”

She strode to the bed and caught his hands in hers. “Stop.” He looked up at her with large, damp eyes, and she wondered how he could be so damned beautiful, so perfect, even now. “You’re not pathetic.” Did he really think that? Did the dream make him believe things he normally didn’t? Or did it just lower his inhibitions enough for him to say aloud the things he already believed?

She thought of what he’d told her about his parents, about his… defect, and she wondered if he’d been thinking of himself as an embarrassment for a long, long time now.

“I didn’t mean that,” she said as gently as she could. She wasn’t accustomed to being gentle. “I’m sorry I said that. You’re… You helped me escape those soldiers. And you protected me from the magic-eater, twice. You do a lot of great things.”

He held on to her hands, his gaze searching hers desperately. “I really was pleased to see you. That part isn’t just the dream. I like you.”

She didn’t know what to say. “Why?”

A smile began to pull at his lips again. “You’re different from everyone else I’ve ever known.”

She tried to decipher that for a moment, then decided to file it away for later dissection. She sat down on the bed beside him.

“This isn’t a good way to live your life.” Her voice was still very gentle as she tried to make herself feel better about her earlier meanness. It didn’t work. “You look unwell.”

“What do you know about my life?” he said with a soft smile. “It’s not as if you’ve ever asked.”

She paused, taken aback. Had she never asked?

He’d never volunteered much about himself, and she’d rarely thought to ask—not because she hadn’t been interested, but because asking people about themselves seemed too invasive. She had asked the wrong questions too many times, gotten too personal when she shouldn’t have, or come across too rude or too judgemental when she hadn’t meant to.

At some point, long ago, she had decided that trying to befriend people wasn’t worth the risk of failure. Talking to people was difficult. It was safer to wait for others to come to her, instead. Now, her only friends were people like Roshan, who were extroverted enough to make up for her reserved demeanor.

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