Page 58 of Crown of Ashes and Awe

“I am not.”

“Did you get sick of them?”

“No.”

“You got sick of the smell?”

He snorted. “No.”

“But you were wearing them to protect yourself…”

“To protect myself…from myself.”

“Oh. I thought they had something to do with that Yora woman.”

“They did.”

I made an impatient noise. “No use keeping secrets if we’re about to die, you know.”

“It’s no secret. Yora and I were…supposedly…heartbound.”

I swallowed a big gulp of hope, but it stuck in my throat, like an odd bubble of air.

“She insisted we were heartbound. I never thought to question it. But then…then she was gone. I donned the gloves so I would never go through that pain again. But now I wonder…”

I fought to keep a straight face. “Go on. You wonder…”

“I wonder if I wasn’t shielding myself from the truth. If I never found myself heartbound to another woman, then I could pretend…that she hadn’t deceived me.”

I took a careful breath. “And now?”

“And now I know. No more hiding from it.” He sighed. “I don’t condemn her. I think she wanted that connection so badly, she convinced herself it was true. And then convinced me. I have sorted out my memories into those emotions that were real and those that were only suggestion. And I’m at peace with them all.”

“Then, did you love her?”

“I did. Very much.”

“Then I’m very sorry you lost her.”

He shrugged, and the movement bounced me, but he acted as if I weren’t any more substantial than a sack of feathers. “If I hadn’t lost her…I wouldn’t have found you, would I?”

“You wouldn’t?”

“I would have been home, with her, and not chasing sorcerers for the king. I would never have come down that canyon and found your Demius by his fire. But had none of that happened, I think Fate would have found a way to cross our paths.”

“Oh? You think Fate cares?

“I think Fate very much cares about the heartbound.”

I could barely breathe. “You think…”

“No. I believe. The question is, do you?” He looked into my eyes then, ignoring his footing while he waited for my answer.

“How is…heartbound supposed to feel?”

“It’s a great deal like what Lennon feels for her dragon, that she would rather stay here with Kivi and die rather than leave her behind.”

“Or like Griffon feels about Lennon.”

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