I watched anxiously as my mother produced a ball of bluish-tinged liquid, a glowing balm of water trailing her fingers. She guided is over Sebastian’s face, down the exposed length of his arms, where his skin had touched mine. It only took a second for the red raw blemishes to fade away to its immaculate former self, a shimmery silver tinge coating his skin.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“You’ve got nothing to be sorry for.” He pressed a kiss to my temple, his words a whisper in my ear. “I love you. And nothing you do will ever change that.”
I melted into him, my head finding his shoulder. “Not even if I’m a ruthless, magik-wielding monster?”
“You love me, don’t you? And I’m far worse than anything you could ever be.” There was no triumph in his voice–just quiet certainty. A truth he’d long made peace with. No fire, no fight–only the hollow weight of someone who’d stopped hoping to be forgiven. And beneath it all, an air of fragility–like even he hated how right he was.
“You’re not a monster.” I shot back, the words ripping from me before I could stop them. “Don’t you dare call yourself that.” My chest was heaving, my hands trembling with everything I didn’t know how to say. “You’re not broken. You’re not cursed. You’re just–” My voice shook, fierce with something I couldn’t name. “You’re just you. And that’s never been something I needed saving from.”
His eyes softened, as if he believed differently. “Well you could never be a monster. And even if you commanded the power of Ezekiel himself, I would still love you until my dying breath.”
I let him hold me, the weight of his words sinking in. Finally, I relinquished his embrace, turning to my mother. “Will it heal completely?”
She nodded without hesitation. “Yes.”
There was no question in her tone, she had healed enough injuries to know with complete conviction.
A slow sigh escaped me, I so didn’t want to be responsible for Sebastian’s disfigurement.
“Okay. Let’s go again.”
Mom whipped around, emerald eyes piercing me and making me recoil. “Absolutely not.”
Was she serious?
“What do you mean? I did it! I harnessed it.”
“It almost killed you,” she shot back, her eyes as hard as steel.
Silence leadened my limbs as I met my mom’s stone cold stare. “You said it yourself. For this to work, you needed to push me past the point of breaking. Well this is it. This is the edge.”
“I was too close to losing you.” Her voice broke with emotion.
I understood what she was risking. Losing someone she loved, would fucking suck. But this was bigger than her. Or me.
If I could do this, if I could learn how to harness and use magik at will, it could be a changing point in this war. I could be used as a weapon of mass destruction. No one in my village would ever have to fear for their lives again. My family, everyone I loved, and a couple of those I didn’t, would survive.
That was worth risking my life.
“I need to master this.” I stepped closer, eyes fixed on her like the words alone might tear me apart.
“No.” A slight tremor broke her voice, betraying her softening will. Her hands curled at her sides, as if bracing for something she couldn’t stop.
“If I can master this, I can protect everyone. That’s worth the risk.” I held her gaze, shoulders tense, as though trying to steady myself against the rising storm in her eyes.
“No, it isn’t.” Her voice cracked, raw and low. “Not if I lose you.” She took a step back, like the truth had cost her more than she was ready to admit.
“Sebastian’s here. You saw what he did. He can help me control it. And now that I sort of know what to do, I’ll be better. I promise.” I practically begged her.
“What if it doesn’t work again? What if next time you can’t control it?” Her voice broke, cracking under the weight of fear she’d been holding back. “I can’t risk losing you again. I won’t.” Her hands trembled at her sides, like just the thought of it was too much to bear.
“You said you believed in me. Prove it.” Silence stretched.
“I do believe in you,” she finally whispered. “I just… can’t lose you.”
“Then let me try. One more time.”