“I remember coming here for my appointment. You gave me the drugs. I went home. And then…” Xaine frowned when he drew a blank.
What did he do when he got home?
Why couldn’t he remember arriving home?
He remembered walking out of the health centre, happy that he hadn’t reacted to the drug, and then he got into the pod…after that there was nothing…
“You don’t remember anything else?” Dr Micha asked incredulously. Xaine stared at the doctor, his confusion deepening.
“No. Did something happen? Why am I back here?”
“You passed out, and you’ve been sleeping for two days, but that’s not even the half of it,” Dr Micha said with a shake of his head. He proceeded to tell him everything that happened to him from the moment he left the health centre to when he returned he passed out. Xaine stared at Micha flabbergasted.
“The shock to your system must have sent your body into autopilot. I’ve never seen anything like this before. Instead of the drug suppressing your aggressive side, it suppressed your conscious mind. You didn’t have control over your body. You were a ticking bomb ready to go off. I’m glad you were focused on work, and you didn’t follow your other instincts. That would have been a disaster.”
Fuck.
Xaine couldn’t imagine the kind of damage the beast inside him would have left in its wake if it had taken control of his body. It was already a pain in the ass. He was glad something held it back.
“Does this mean I can’t continue with the treatment?” Xaine asked, even though he already knew the answer.
“Yes. If we continue, we’ll do more harm than good. There’s no telling what will happen next time. I can’t risk it.”
“I understand,” Xaine said, hating himself even more. “When can I get out here?”
“Anytime. I was waiting for you to wake up,” Dr Micha said. “I’ll send my report to the council of alpha stating why we’re discontinuing your treatment.”
“Thanks,” Xaine said.
“No problem,” Dr Micha said. “Good luck with the housing project. You are doing something amazing.”
Housing project? Xaine stared at the alpha. His mind blank.
Dr Micha laughed. “Don’t worry, your assistant will bring you up to speed. I’m sure it won’t take you long to go back to your normal life in no time.”
Xaine silently groaned. Normal for him was abnormal. He wanted a new life…a new him. He’d hoped getting medicated would help him achieve that, but the stubborn beast inside him wouldn’t let him be. Dr Micha walked out of his room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.
Xaine wanted to scream. He stuck his fingers in his hair and pulled. Pain flared in his sculp, but he didn't stop.
What was he going to do with himself?
Fuck if he knew. He’d placed all his hope on getting medicated. Now, he didn’t know.
By the time Klane arrived to fetch him, he was ready to go home. Xaine longed for the mountains, but he knew he couldn’t run from this.
He had to face it, find ways to control his instincts, or he’d never be able to live a normal life. He could meditate, visit the mountains more often. A change of environment will definitely help. Exercise more. He already knew his trigger. Avoiding them was going to be easy. And he had his trusted disinfectant if things got worse.
Klane too.
But he couldn’t rely on the beta. He had to do it on his own.
And he could do it. He might not be able to change his massive body, but he could control his urges.
That would make him less scary, well Xaine hoped.
Xaine closed his eyes feeling exhausted already.
“Are you alright?” Klane asked as they drifted down the airways heading home.